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What To Do in Case of Psychic Attack or of Being the Victim of Malevolent Spell

Being a relatively visible public Witch, I get plenty of requests for spells, which I politely decline to do. I tell people two things: One is that it's best to create one's own spells rather than have someone else cast them. The other is a caution against performing any magic that would interfere with the free will of another. The exception to that would be a binding of someone else, making them unable to do further harm.

If you believe someone has put a negative spell on you (usually called a hex), here are a few things you can do to protect yourself, and possibly reverse the spell.


First, purify your person. Take a shower, or better yet, soak for a while in hot water containing sea salt, bath salts, or Epsom salts. Allow the salt and water to neutralize any negativity within yourself; think of this as you soak. Let any contamination be washed away with the water spiraling down the drain, out of your house and out of your life. Drink lots of water to wash out your insides. Wash your hair, brush your teeth, put on clean clothes. You may also wish to drink mint tea or another tea that you find refreshing.


Second, purify your dwelling. Dust, sweep, vacuum, tidy up, polish. Air out the rooms. Wash the windows with a mild solution of vinegar and water. This allows purifying sunlight and moonlight to illuminate the room as well as making the glass more reflective to deflect unwanted energies.[1]


Circulate through the rooms where you live with sage or other purifying incense, making sure to fumigate everywhere -- stairways, closets, underneath stairways, basement, attic, garage if attached. If your dwelling is one that you can circumnavigate, you may wish to walk all around the outside of the building wafting this smoke.


Then mix salt and water and sprinkle it around the house. As with the incense, do this around the outside of the home, too, if you can. Be sure to cense and sprinkle all openings to the outside -- doors and windows, of course, but also skylights, electrical outlets, heating vents, chimneys, ventilator hoods, toilets, and sink, tub and shower drains. Also do this to mirrors.


While you're doing these things, speak the words, "With Earth and Water I purify this space," and "with Fire and Air I consecrate this space," because that's exactly what you're doing.[2]


Third, ward your space. If you're the witchy sort, trace a protective pentacle with the salt water on all doors, windows and mirrors. Rosemary grows in abundance where I live, so I like to use a sprig of it to sprinkle the salt water. Then I like to leave rosemary sprigs on all the window sills.


When you've done all these things, take a step back, be very quiet, look around, listen and note how different your space feels to you now.


You may also wish to perform these acts at other places where you spend a lot of time, such as work, if you can.


One last thing you may want to do, although it's not as easy and practical as the rest. You may wish to hang little mirrors in the windows or on the outside of the building to reflect away negativity. The mirrors aren't really necessary; they're just extra insurance, if you will. You should be fine just doing the other things I've recommended.


Now envision yourself within a bubble. Project this bubble around you and around your home. Nothing can pass through the membrane that has not been invited by you. Anything unwelcome bounces off the bubble. Build a strong image of this bubble in your mind. If you have a small object, maybe a clear quartz crystal or a piece of rosemary, that reminds you of this visualization, carry it in your pocket or keep it someplace handy. You can't be expected to hold this image in your consciousness all the time. But if you have this object, then at times when the image has faded and you feel you need to reinforce your working, take it out and look at it and touch it to reawaken your sense of your protective bubble.


As with all magic spells, you needn't stick with the formula offered here. If other ingredients call to you or other actions spring from you, trust your intuition and go with them.


These are my recommendations. For another approach, here's a Lemon UncrossingSpell (to break a curse). I have never tried this so I can offer no assurance of its efficacy.


[1] For a super-duper heavy cleansing of a home, say if you're just moving in after someone else has been living there, and if you have the time, get some dragon's blood incense and burn it on a piece of charcoal in a container left in the bathtub or shower. As soon as you light it, leave and let it fumigate the entire house. You don't want to breathe much of this stuff. Then return a few hours later and open all the windows to let out the dragon's blood fumes.


[2] Some additional things you can do to cleanse a new or dirty home: Walk throughout the rooms with noisemakers, rattles, a drum to frighten off unwanted spirits. Do this before censing and sprinkling. After censing and sprinkling, ring a little bell at the windows and mirrors.




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Ritual Gone Wrong

Want to learn witchcraft? Try this!


We've all had it happen. Someone has dribbled candle wax into the ceremonial cakes, or a sleeve has caught on fire because we got too close to a sacred flame. Fortunately, the universe has a sense of humor, so when ritual goes wrong, it's often just a small blip on the cosmic radar. However, every once in a while you encounter a situation in which things just don't go wrong, they go REALLY WRONG. As in, the sort of ritual where all you can focus on is which way you'll run if something explodes. Laura Patsouris over at Pantheon describes this very thing in her essay, When Ritual Goes Wrong, and touches on some really important points.


Of note, she points out that if you're leading the ritual, there is a certain degree of responsibility that comes with that role. If your ritual procedure is sloppy or half-baked, you're going to pass those bad habits on to the other people in attendance. Often, if you have people in the group who are new to Paganism in general, or who typically practice as solitaries, there's a good chance that they're going to think that what you're doing is par for the course. As a leader/HP/HPS you owe it to those in your circle to do your absolute best as the individual in charge of executing ritual.


Does this mean everything has to be perfect? No, of course not. But it does mean that there are certain standards you should try to adhere to. We owe it to the gods of our various traditions to be respectful of them, and of the sacred space, but we also owe it to ourselves.


OK, readers, I know you've got some doozies out there. Share your Worst Ritual Experience Ever in the Comments section!




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Astral Projection Q&A part 1

Learn Astral Projection Easily-CLICK HERE!

1. What is Astral Projection?

Astral Projection or Out-of-body experience is a process through which our consciousness leaves our physical body and is free to travel anywhere, unrestricted by  our normal physical boundaries. We all unconsciously travel outside our bodies every night when we are asleep. But with the right guidance and practice, we can train ourselves to achieve this with 100% consciousness and awareness.

2. Is everyone able to do Astral Projection?

As I mentioned, everyone does Astral Traveling at night when they sleep. But since they are asleep, they are doing it unconsciously. And when they wake-up, their astral experiences get distorted and they feel they have just had a dream. But with training and guidance, almost anyone can have a conscious Astral Projection.

3. When one does Astral Traveling, what is it that "projects" out of his body?

We are made up of several bodies. The grossest and the densest body is our physical body. The next one is the etheric body or the astral body. This is much less dense compared to the physical body. So during Astral Traveling, it is the astral body that gets “projected”.   I should also mention that for each these bodies, there is a corresponding “plane”. So there is a physical plane, astral plane and so on. So during Astral Projection, the astral body is projected into the astral plane.

4. Should we be really doing Astral Projection?

When we are born on this physical plane, we all come with a specific purpose. That purpose may be different for different people. But as we grow older, we forget why we are here. So we wander aimlessly and often end up wasting our lives.
Astral Projection is one way to help us know why we are here in the first place. So I sincerely feel we all should learn this amazing art and give a positive direction to our lives.

5. How much does Astral Projection cost?

You would be surprised, but there were actually 4 people who asked me this question!
The answer is - Astral Projection doesn’t cost you anything in terms of money. It is not something that you purchase. It is an art that you learn. The only real cost  involved is your time, effort and dedication.

6. What is the best, easiest, infallible and fastest method that works for  everyone?

Everyone is different, with different personalities and beliefs. So unfortunately, there is no best and easiest method that works for everyone. There are hundreds of Astral Projection techniques available. You need to see which one suits you best.

7. What are the best visualization techniques for reaching the vibration stage quickly?

As I said earlier, there is no best technique that will help everyone to achieve the vibration stage. However, Robert Monroe’s vibration technique is the most popular since many people have reported great success with it.

8. How can I learn to project quickly without having to take herbs such as  Salvia
Divinorum?

I never recommend taking herbs or drugs to achieve Astral Projection. It is safest to practice without any external aids. Also, unfortunately, there is no “quick” way to achieve Astral Projection. You will require patience and dedication. But if you follow the right guidance, you can drastically cut down on your learning curve, and often see success in a few weeks instead of years. Also, I would recommend staying away from anyone who claims to teach you “techniques” that can help you  project “instantly”

9. How to get into a trance easily for intentional OBEs

A good way to get into a trance is to comfortably lie down at night, and watch yourself going to sleep. Try to relax your physical body, but at the same time, try not to  go to sleep. For the first few nights, you might end up sleeping. But with practice, you will learn how to control your mind and stay awake during the entire process.

10. Can Astral Projection actually be done?

Yes, Astral Projection is definitely possible, and can actually be done consciously. There are thousands and thousands of people who can do it at will.                  




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Astral Projection Q&A part 2

Learn Astral Projection Easily-CLICK HERE!
11. How often should you project?
Once you learn how to Astral Project at will, you can project as often as you want to. But don’t forget that you have a life on the physical plane too. You need to  maintain a balance.
12. What is the real trigger to leave the body? Where it is located?
No one really knows where the real trigger to leave the body is located. But I believe that out of the seven major Energy Chakras in our spiritual body, the trigger lies in
the most active Chakra for that person. Most people report leaving through the Third-eye Charka, the Solar Plexus Chakra or the Heart Chakra
13. What can I do about my belief that I can only perceive through my physical senses?
Since our birth we have perceived everything through our physical senses. So it is very difficult to imagine that we can have other senses as well. The only way to shed that belief is to experience Astral Projection yourself. Once you are out of your body, you will realize that you can actually perceive your surrounding without the physical senses that we are so used to. Moreover, you will realize that your new set
of senses is much more enhanced and powerful.
14. While Astral Projecting are we able to use our senses? See in color, hear, feel cold or heat etc?
As mentioned in the answer to the previous question, in the astral plane, we do not use our physical senses. We can see, hear, and feel using our astral senses. I should also mention that we do not feel cold or hot in our astral body. If we do feel them, it is because our physical body is feeling hot or cold, and that feeling is  transferred to the astral body via the Silver Cord.
15. Can Astral Projection be done without being taught by some one specialized who knows what is going to happen?
Yes, Astral Projection can be done without being taught by someone. It might take you longer or you might do it the wrong way. But it can be done. There are many people who have done it alone consciously or unconsciously. But it always helps to have the right guidance.
16. What is the best time to practice Astral Projection? Day, night, or early in the
morning?

There is no best time to practice. But because of our busy lives, most people prefer to practice early in the morning or at night, before going to sleep. But if you have time, you can very well practice during the day.
17. Should I practice lying down or sitting cross-legged?
Astral Projection can be done in any position you are comfortable with. But I recommend the lying down posture, because this is the way we sleep, and it is very
natural. This position also distributes our weight throughout the body, and makes it easier for us to relax. But as I said, you can choose any position you want to. As long as you are comfortable                                   
18. I have heard of people who can Astral Project at will, like a normal daily activity. Can I do the same, whenever I command? If yes, when will I succeed?
Yes, there are many who can Astral Project at will. You can do it too. But to get to that stage, you have to project several times, get rid of your fears, get used to the astral environment, and you should have also learnt to control your thoughts.
19. Do I need to meditate first, enter a supportive state of mind to successfully Astral Project? If yes, for how long should I meditate?
For a proper, conscious out of body experience, you should be in a meditative state where your physical body is completely relaxed and your mind is completely clear of unwanted chattering. This will give you good control over your thoughts, and help you focus on Astral Projection.
20. What triggers Astral Projection? And when does it actually happen?
Your goal is to reach a stage where your physical body is completely  relaxed and your mind is completely awake. And then deepen that stage using visualization exercises. This is the magic moment where the separation of the Astral body from the physical body takes place.
21. How can I avoid being anchored to my body when I go into trance?
If you go into a deep trance, where your body is asleep and mind awake, your astral body WILL separate – either partially or fully. If it is a partial separation, you need to exercise a strong will power and visualization exercises so that you can achieve a full  separation.                                   





social and politics

THE SPELLSHOP comes out today!!!

I am over-the-moon excited to share with you that today is the book birthday for my newest book, THE SPELLSHOP! It's a cozy fantasy about a rogue librarian and her best friend, a sentient spider plant, who take on the low-stakes market of illegal spellmaking and the high-risk business of starting over. And it's for anyone who is looking for a slice of joy, a bit of comfort, or just a deep breath.


I wrote this book to feel like a warm hug. Or like drinking hot chocolate. Or like eating really good raspberry jam. Or a cinnamon roll, with hot chocolate and maybe some raspberry jam on the side...

We've all been through a lot over the past few years, and I wrote THE SPELLSHOP for anyone who wants to escape into a world filled with kindness and enchantment.


Thank you to everyone at Macmillan/Tor/Bramble for bringing this book to life and gracing it with Lulu Chen's beautiful cover art and such lovely lavender sprayed edges!

If you'd like to learn more about the book or read the first chapter, please visit my website: http://www.sarahbethdurst.com/Spellshop.htm

I'm also going on book tour starting today, and I'm so excited!! If you'd like to join me at any of my tour stops, I'd love to see you! For details, see the Events page of my website.

Happy reading!!!




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On Book Tour...

When you call home from book tour and find out which family member misses you most.....




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THE SPELLSHOP is an instant New York Times, USA Today, and Indie Bestseller!!!

THE SPELLSHOP IS A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER (#7), A USA TODAY BESTSELLER (#13), AND AN INDIE BESTSELLER (#10)!!!!!!!! I’M SOBBING!!!! Thank you so much to everyone at Bramble/Tor/Macmillan who made my dreams come true, including the incredible Ali Fisher, Dianna Vega, Caro Perny, and Julia Bergen! Thank you so much to my amazing agent Andrea Somberg who has been with me for 18 years and 28 books! And thank you to the wonderful booksellers and readers who made this possible!!!! I love you all so much!!!







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THE SPELLSHOP Book Tour Photos

I had an absolutely fantastic time on book tour for THE SPELLSHOP!!! Loved meeting so many wonderful readers and amazing booksellers! Thank you all so much! Just wanted to share some of my favorite pics from:

Fable Hollow Coffee & Bookshoppe in Knoxville, TN
Phoenix Books in Essex, VT, with Katherine Arden
Charis Books & More in Decatur, GA, with Kimberly Lemming
The Ripped Bodice in Brooklyn, NY, with Naomi Novik
The Poisoned Pen Bookstore in Scottsdale, AZ, with Rebecca Thorne
Flyleaf Books in Chapel Hill, NC, with T. Kingfisher

Next up: San Diego Comic Con!



















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San Diego Comic-Con 2024 Schedule

Very excited for San Diego Comic-Con!!! Here's my full schedule. Hope to see you there!




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San Diego Comic-Con 2024 Photos

 Had an amazing time at San Diego Comic-Con!!! 
























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Worldcon 2024 Schedule

I'm off to Glasgow, Scotland, later this week for Worldcon (the World Science Fiction Convention)! Very excited!!! Here's my full schedule. Hope to see you there! 





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Worldcon 2024 in Glasgow

I had such a fantastic time at Worldcon 2024 in Glasgow!!!

























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4 Weeks on the NYT Bestseller List!!!

OMG, it happened AGAIN!!! THE SPELLSHOP hit the NYT Bestseller List for the 4th time! At #13 this week! And hit the USA Today list for the 5th week in a row! Thank you all so much for making my dreams come true over and over and over and over again!!!

https://www.nytimes.com/books/best-sellers/2024/08/25/hardcover-fiction/




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5 Weeks on the NYT Bestseller List!!!

It happened again. FIVE WEEKS ON THE NYT LIST!!! And on the USA Today list for seven weeks in a row! How is this possible?!? Thank you all so incredibly much for all the love you've shown THE SPELLSHOP. I am grateful beyond my ability to express. 

https://www.nytimes.com/books/best-sellers/2024/09/08/hardcover-fiction/






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THE LAKE HOUSE Paperback Book Birthday!

Happy paperback book birthday to my YA thriller, THE LAKE HOUSE!!! It's about three girls stranded in the woods in Maine. No food, no water, no shelter, and someone -- or something -- is hunting them. Paperback edition out today from HarperTeen! 

http://www.sarahbethdurst.com/LakeHouse.htm




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StoryFest 2024

This weekend is StoryFest 2024!!! This will be my first time at this literary festival, and I'm so excited! 

I'll be on the "Dangerous Visions: Dreams Across Universes" panel on Saturday (9/21/24) at 10am with Jedidiah Berry, P. Djeli Clark, Sarah Beth Durst (me!), Christopher Golden, Peng Shepherd, and GennaRose Nethercott. The panel will be followed by a signing.

If you're near the Westport Library in CT, I hope you'll join us! 

https://westportlibrary.org/storyfest-2024/






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StoryFest 2024 Panel

Had a wonderful time at StoryFest this weekend! Thank you, Westport Library!!! 




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THE SPELLSHOP German Book Birthday!

Very excited that THE SPELLSHOP is out today in Germany (with lovely purple edges)!!! Thank you to everyone at Fischer Tor! I like to think that Kiela, Caz, and Meep are celebrating their book birthday by selling spells and jam somewhere along the Rhine... 

https://www.fischerverlage.de/buch/sarah-beth-durst-spellshop-9783596710942




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Cover Reveal for THE ENCHANTED GREENHOUSE

COVER REVEAL!!! So over-the-moon excited to share with you the cover of my next cozy fantasy, THE ENCHANTED GREENHOUSE! Gorgeous art by Lulu Chen and design by Esther S. Kim. With cool mint sprayed edges!! Coming July 2025 from Bramble!

THE ENCHANTED GREENHOUSE is set in the same world as THE SPELLSHOP. It's about Terlu Perna, the librarian who created Caz and was transformed into a wooden statue as punishment. That should have been the end of her story. Yet one day, Terlu wakes up...

I am so absolutely in love with the cover, and I can't wait for this book to be out in the world!

Now available for pre-order!

http://www.sarahbethdurst.com/EnchantedGreenhouse.htm






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NYCC 2024 Schedule

Very excited for New York Comic Con!!! I'll be there on Thursday and Sunday. Hope to see you there!



  • NYCC; New York Comic Con

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The Ripped Bodice

Had a wonderful time at The Ripped Bodice last night!!! Excited for NYCC today!


(Photo above, left to right: Sarah Beth Durst, Carissa Broadbent, Amal El-Mohtar, and Sara Raasch)




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NYCC 2024 Photos

Had such a fantastic time at New York Comic Con!!!
 













 



  • New York Comic Con
  • NYCC

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Happy Halloween!

 





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24 Elephants or Bears - Elephant or Bear 15


 

ALT TEXT: The head of a bear, figured in every artist's medium of choice: yellow Playdoh. And looking considerably more apprehensive than the artist intended, although I suppose that makes a change from all the inane grinning. 

The 'head only' approach is by far my patron's least favourite. He loathes it, and any such submission is immediately met with outraged cries of 'Knees! Knees!' However, as I believe Caravaggio used to say to Cardinal Del Monte, "There's only so much Playdoh in the tub."




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24 Elephants or Bears - Elephant or Bear 16


ALT TEXT: A quick scribbly biro bear head. I did a ‘proper’ version of this to put up here, with lots more pen-strokes and anatomy and shadows and what have you, but to my irritation the quick scribble looked more like a bear. 

No knees, either. I’m in big trouble.

 




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24 Elephants or Bears - Elephant or Bear 17

 First, an apology. It has been brought to my attention that I have been irritatingly coy about the identity of my patron for this series of pieces, and the precise nature of my relationship with him. This is of course information you have every right to know, for reasons too obvious to explain; and which you could not possibly in a million years have guessed. No-one’s that clever-clever. 

So let me now be perfectly straightforward with you: my patron is His Serene Grace Archduke Gustavus Von und zu Schellenhuber, Prince-Elector of Westphalia. I recently had the honour to be appointed his Court Artist (Ursine and Elephantine works only). 

Here is the latest piece I have completed for His Grace. I believe he intends it as a fresco for his refectory.


ALT TEXT: A felt-tip drawing of an elephant, with a sign on his side reading ‘Cat Bus’, carrying several cats, represented by stickers. (His Serene Grace the Archduke loved this one. He laughed his gold epaulettes off, and then spent some time repeatedly counting the kittens held in the elephant’s trunk- although not, it must be said, with remarkable accuracy.)







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24 Elephants or Bears - Elephant or Bear 18


ALT TEXT: A cardboard box, on which is drawn a family of hippos gazing in delight at a shower of cupcakes falling towards them like manna. This reflects my patron's short-lived hippo phase. However, elephants are just about visible on two other flaps of the box, so yes it does count, thank you.  




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24 Elephants or Bears - Elephant or Bear 19 (Surprise!)


ALT TEXT: It’s simply a picture of an actual bear.





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24 Elephants or Bears - Elephant or Bear 20



 ALT TEXT: Daddy Bear and Baby Bear in bath. Baby Bear did big jump, and splashing, splashing. Such, at least, was the commission. 




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"Untitled Mystery", the untitled mystery.

I briefly interrupt this parade of elephants and bears (not usually a wise thing to do) to bring you news of a new project of mine. 

It's a murder mystery. But really, it's a set of very difficult, interconnected puzzles. But really... it's a box of one hundred picture postcards. I mean, if that's all you need to hear, by all means go straight here to buy it. But for a little more explanation, read on.


In 2020, I spent some of my lockdown trying to solve the newly republished murder mystery / puzzle Cain's Jawbone, written by the famous cryptic crossword setter Torquemada in 1934. The puzzle consisted of a box of one hundred pages of a novel, in a random order. The solver had to work out the correct order of the pages, and then interpret the strange and allusive narrative so as to deduce the killers and victims in the six murders in the story. It turned out to be ridiculously difficult, as it was meant to be; but if the spring of 2020 was good for anything, it was for spending far too long on almost impossible puzzles. Eventually, I submitted a solution, which to my enormous surprise turned out not only to be right, but also the only correct one submitted.  I won a thousand pounds, bought a piano, and thought that was that.  

But then, two things happened. The first was, thanks in part to TikTok, Cain's Jawbone took off in a surprisingly big way. And the second was, I found I missed it. I really wanted to try solving another puzzle in that style. But Torquemada never wrote another one, and nor did anyone else. So it seemed the only thing to do was to try to create one myself.

So this year Unbound, the publishers of Cain's Jawbone, are publishing a new mystery puzzle box by me, the title of which is still secret for now. This time, solvers will receive a box of one hundred picture postcards. As with Cain's Jawbone, they will need to arrange the text sides in the correct order, and understand the story told there, in order to identify the killer and victim in a series of ten murders; as well as a certain crucial address. But in order to do this, they will also need to solve the various puzzles presented by the picture sides.

The picture side puzzles allow me to do two things: firstly, compensate for the arrival of the internet since 1934. You may now be able to google an obscure Walt Whitman quotation, but you can't google 'How on earth is this picture of a tree a puzzle?' Secondly, if Cain's Jawbone had a flaw (which I don't admit) it's that it's a little off-putting and seemingly impenetrable until you make a certain breakthrough. I think a lot of people had a brief look through the cards, thought 'Well, that's impossible' and gave up. I certainly did, before lockdown came along and invited me to have another go. So the picture puzzles - which are also, to be clear, ridiculously difficult - give the solver something they can immediately get their teeth into, while they're grappling with the madness on the other side.

Lastly, they're there because they have to be. There is, within the story, a reason why these cards exist, why they have puzzles embedded in them... and why one of the murderers now keeps them safely locked in a drawer. I hope you enjoy trying to work out what it is. 

For more information, to pre-order a copy, and to gaze in wonder at some exhilaratingly expensive pencils... step this way.  

Oh, and the postcards shown here are not solvable with the information given, so don't torture yourself. Yet. 




 




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Four expressions I didn't know until today came from rhyming slang


- Scarper; British slang for 'run away'. From Scapa Flow - Go. 

- Grass; as in informant. From Grasshopper - copper (and from there to copper's nark) 

- Dukes; slang for fists, as in 'duking it out'. From Duke of York - Fork. ('Forks' being now-forgotten slang for hands.) 

- Donkey's years; a long time. From Donkey's Ears, rhyming slang for Years... but then the Y crept back in. 


Alt Text: Donkey's ears. And between them, a donkey. Well, I suppose there's always a donkey between a donkey's ears. I mean: another one, framed in the photo between the ears of the first donkey. Glad we've got that clear. It doesn't matter in the least. 




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Brigham Young is sure Anthony Trollope is a miner.

 The Victorian novelist Anthony Trollope, on a tour of the United States, passed through Utah, and decided to drop in on Brigham Young. It did not go well. From Trollope's autobiography:

"I did not achieve great intimacy with the great polygamist of Salt Lake City. [...] He received me in his doorway, not asking me to enter, and inquired whether I was not a miner. When I told him that I was not a miner, he asked me whether I earned my bread. I told him I did. "I guess you're a miner," said he. I again assured him I was not. "Then how do you earn your bread?" I told him I did so by writing books. "I'm sure you're a miner," said he. Then he turned upon his heel, went back into the house, and closed the door."

Alt text: Anthony Trollope. Looking, as usual, exactly like a miner. 





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24 Elephants or Bears - Elephant or Bear 21

 

Alt text - two friends go looking for an adventure, and a sun rises.




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24 Things, Many of Which Are Still Likely To Be Elephants or Bears, Especially Elephants; But Also It’s Vanishingly Unlikely There’ll Actually Be 24 of Them, or Even Close - Thing One. And Possibly Only.

Alt text: a stylish woman in a coat, who is emphatically neither an elephant nor a bear. Not everyone is.




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Somewhere Between Two and Twenty Four Things, Somewhere Between One and Twenty Three of Which are Elephants.

Alt text: a cake, of sorts. Decorated, in a sense, to look like an elephant. Definitely.




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Far Fewer Than Twenty-Four Things - Thing Three

Alt Text. A blue man with a long neck appears sceptical about something.




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24 Etc Etc - Thing Four

Alt Text: In a word: Penguins.




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24 Things -Thing 5

Alt text: A stegasaurus standing on its head. A commission.




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24 Or So Or Less Or Not Things - Thing Six

Alt text. A lady peering round in a car window. She seems cross, but I think she's just checking to see if there's anything coming. I mean, she might be cross as well. I don't know her.




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A Certain Number of Things - Thing Seven

Alt Text. Two elephants, conferring.




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As Someone Quite Rightly Points Out, Actually an Entirely Uncertain Number of Things - Things Eight and Nine


Alt Text: Two dog walkers, walking two dogs. (It looks as if I've whimsically made it look like one of the dogs is interested in a butcher's signboard advertising sausages, but actually it wasn't me who did that. It was the dog.)




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Things - A Thing


 There have been monster sightings in our neighbourhood lately, and I occasionally moonlight as a sort of monster-hunter’s sketch artist, taking down descriptions from eye-witnesses, and trying to build up a picture of just what we’re dealing with. 




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Some Things - Two of Which are These


Alt text: a nautical bear, in complacent mood.



Alt text: the same bear, allowing the strain of command to get to her a little.


Three thousand internet points, redeemable nowhere, for anyone who recognises her costume.






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More Things Than None - One of Them


 Alt text: poire à la éléphant