A Tree Assessment Report recommended removing a 176-year-old tree as as any efforts to save the tree “would only serve to prolong its inevitable fate and it would remain a safety issue to the public as well as the surrounding buildings,” the City said. A spokesperson said, “As a result of the incident involving a large […]

Keep Bermuda Beautiful [KBB] has encouraged the community to “act responsibly and help minimise the amount of waste” on Christmas Day at Elbow Beach. A KBB spokesperson said, “Christmas Day at Elbow Beach has become a family-friendly tradition for many residents of Bermuda and visitors. The celebration is organized by the community and provides a […]

Freisenbruch Insurance will close its office at 2:00 p.m. today due to Hurricane Ernesto. A spokesperson said, “As we prepare for the impacts of Hurricane Ernesto, we remain mindful of our obligations to keep our clients, our staff and our families safe. “Today [Friday] our office will close at 2:00pm and is scheduled to reopen […]

For a fourth consecutive year, the Bermuda Zoological Society [BZS] is heading out on the water with its team of citizen scientists to survey coral reefs around the island as a part of the annual BZS REEF Watch, with the excursion taking place with the support of lead sponsor HISCOX. The event, which is also […]

Bermuda Cancer and Health Centre is launching its annual ‘MOvember’ Bermuda fundraising initiative this November to raise awareness and funds for men’s health. A spokesperson said, “This November, Bermuda Cancer and Health Centre is excited to launch our annual MOvember Bermuda fundraising initiative, celebrating Men’s Health Month with a bold and impactful call to action. […]

Rosewood Bermuda raised $50,000 in charitable donations during the annual Rosewood Cup which was held last month. A spokesperson said, “Rosewood Bermuda, the island’s premier luxury resort, raised $50,000 in charitable donations during the annual Rosewood Cup which took place from Oct. 11-13, 2024. This prestigious tournament, held at Tucker’s Point Golf Club, is supported by title […]

Tanner Correia has been recognised by the Bermuda Karting Association [BKA] after winning the Junior Cadet class and the Junior Highest Points trophy after an impressive Rubis National Championships season. Correia, who also shared the 9 Lives Good Sportsmanship Award with Hildegard Thomas, was presented with his trophies at the recent BKA awards ceremony at […]

A fashion show fundraiser last Saturday [Oct 1] at the Bermuda National Trust’s Verdmont property. A spokesperson said, “Verdmont, a Bermuda National Trust historic house and garden, was the splendid setting for a one-of-a-kind fabulous fashion show on Saturday October 1st. Most likely for the first time in its 300-year history it hosted a Fashion Show […]

The LF Wade International Airport held an emergency exercise today [Nov 18] with multiple on island agencies participating. A spokesperson previously said, “The exercise is designed to test the airport’s emergency plans, with various governmental and non-governmental agencies on hand to participate. The event will be a simulation of an aircraft accident in the waters […]

Bermuda College and the Bermuda Environmental Sustainability Taskforce [BEST] have announced the return of their Eco Lunch & Learn series on Thursday, February 24. A spokesperson said, “The series begins its winter schedule with an illustrated presentation, ‘The Rise and Fall of Bermuda’s Sea Turtle.’ “Presenting will be Bermudian Jennifer Gray, Director of the Bermuda […]

Ubersoca Cruise [USC] was awarded “Best Cruise Event of the Year” at the Caribbean Music Awards held recently at the Kings Theater in Brooklyn. A spokesperson said, “Ubersoca Cruise [USC], the world’s premier Caribbean music festival at sea, was awarded ‘Best Cruise Event of the Year’ at the Caribbean Music Awards held recently at the […]

The rider of a motorcycle involved in a collision with a tractor trailer truck on Monday [Sept 23] in Southampton remains hospitalised. A police spokesperson said, “The rider of a motorcycle involved in a collision with a tractor trailer truck around 9am Monday, 23rd September 2024, at the junction of Middle Road and South Road […]

The MS Nautica cruise ship arrived in Bermuda on Saturday [Sept 14] and a ceremonial welcome reception and plaque exchange was held. A Government spokesperson said, “The MS Nautica arrived in Bermuda on Saturday, September 14, with 626 passengers on its inaugural voyage. It was scheduled to dock in St. George’s first, followed by Hamilton, […]

Minister of Transport Wayne Furbert provided an overview of the 2024 cruise ship season, stating that ”comparing the 2023 season, which saw 183 calls and 41 cancellations with 525,413 passengers, to 2024, we project a marginal increase of 22,651 passengers or 4.3%, and a small decrease in the number of cruise calls by 6 or 3.2%.” The Minister’s […]

The cruise ship Nautica recently visited the island, stopping in both St. George’s and the City of Hamilton during its visit. To see more of our cruise ship coverage, click here. Related Stories Photos & Video: MS Insignia In St. George’s Photos: Pride & Breakaway Ships In Dockyard Photos & Video: MS Silver Shadow Visits […]

The cruise ship ‘Star Pride’ recently visited the island, and a look at the ship in the east end is below. According to the 2024 schedule, the 436 foot long ship was carrying an estimated 212 passengers and 164 crew. To see more of our cruise ship coverage, click here. Related Stories Photos & Video: […]

Date: October 24, 2024

Location: Global

Tags:

Children Of Leprosy, новое видео RISE OF KRONOS, доступно для просмотра ниже. Этот трек взят из нового альбома “Imperium”, релиз которого состоялся десятого октября.
#Rise_of_Kronos #RiseofKronos #DeathMetal #Death_Metal
Видео: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puDhiXpyroc

Dylan Mars Greenberg crafts a homegrown fantasia of magic, action, and anti-conservative provocation.

Seeing as no one is doing much traveling these days, I thought it'd be fun to pay a visit with a Strobist reader photographing somewhere far away.

Up for a little Lighting Cookbook field trip to Indonesia? Yeah? Then let's go... Read more »

REVISION #1

Dear Query Shark,

 

I am writing to you seeking representation for my 122,000-word adult fantasy novel THE CROSSOVER.

This is better than the 137K you had the first time, but paring down to under 120K is a good idea.

 

The last thing you want is an agent seeing the word count and swiping left without reading another word.

 

When ELENORE and BENAIAH

don't cap character names.

 

 inadvertently stumble across a portal to another world.

 Elenore just wants to gather evidence of their strange discovery to prove it to her university colleagues.

 

None of this matters, not really.

The story starts when they arrive in Swordlandia.

 

Let's refocus to make that clear.

 

Driven by her curiosity, she

 

 

Eleanora and Ben find a portal and of course, they want to see where it leads.

 

She leads Ben, her horse, and her dog through the portal.

Not to pick nits but did you notice the dog is never mentioned again?

Having your dog with you in a strange land would be comforting, no?

And does the dog get superpowers too?

 

 

They pop popping out in an entirely different universe.

 

This is a big moment in the query. Making it a separate short sentence gives it power and drama.

 

You want to stay in Elenore's point of view here, so let's revise this:

 

Two sword-bearing forces arrive with one obvious goal:

They're met by two, separate sword-bearing forces.

 

Let's add separate here so the reader doesn't think these are two platoons of the same company.

 

 

capture the strangers from another world.

We don't really need to know what the SBFs want. They're not the important antagonist.

 

 Elenore is captured by the king's brigade, and Ben is captured by the resistance movement. against the king.

Let your reader do some of the work here. If you say resistance movement, the reader will fill in that they're resisting the King. 

 

 

From their captors inform them that they learn that when they entered the portal, they passed through “the pathways” and  coming through the portal developed gave them abilities  that allow them to wield energy from the space between worlds.

 

Out of desperation to

Desperate to reunite and return home, Elenore and Ben accept separate, yet similar deals.

 

So, you learn you have superpowers. What's the first thing you want to do?

Give them up and go home?

Really?

 

Cause if you told me I had superpowers, I'd want to know what they were, and how I could use them to do fun stuff, like fly (Sharknado!), or eat ice cream without sacrificing my svelte sharkly silhouette, or get the world to quit using the phrase safety deposit box (it's safe deposit box, and yes this is a hill I will die on.)

 

 

But here you have her using her abilities (still unspecified) to do something that she doesn't have a stake in. Why would she do it?

 

When we're puzzled by why a character acts in what seems to be an illogical or unrealistic way, we're NOT engaged.  You want your readers to engage, to care what happens to Elenore (and the dog!!!)

 

Elenore agrees to use her new abilities to help the king recapture the same city where Ben is held, and Ben agrees to use his powers to aid in the movement  resistance and to dethrone the king who captured Elenore.

 

These two characters don't seem to have much depth or personality.

It's ESSENTIAL that your characters be interesting and right now they seem lacking in imagination or sense of adventure.

 

 As part of the deal, Elenore gains a vast understanding of the nature of time, reality, and mortality from the space between worlds.

 

Well, that's nice but what can she DO?

 

 Despite that knowledge, she doesn’t realize the danger they are in.

Of course not. What's the fun of that.

 

 

 

VICTORIA, Elenore’s mentor,

 

wait, what?
Who the heck is Victoria?

And WHERE is she? As in which side of the portal.

 

Introducing a main character this late in the game is confusing.

 

 

 

 

has no idea that she is fated to inadvertently catalyze the end of the universe, causing it to be wiped from existence layer by layer. 

 

Ho hum.

If a character is fated for something they don't have any choice in the matter.

The essence of a good story is what choices the characters face and what path they choose.

 

 

 

Ben’s captor, the leader of the resistance movement against the king, might be the only one with information on how to prevent the destruction of the universe and has no intentions of sharing it. Unaware of their larger role, Elenore and Ben are sure their hardships will come to an end if they can manage to avoid manipulation and survive long enough to see the deal through, but it is only a matter of time before Victoria finds a way to seize power from the king, setting the unraveling of the universe into motion.

 

Ok, who's the antagonist here?

 

You've got (as you did in the first version) too much going on.

You don't need as much world building as you think.

 

You need to focus on Elenore. She seems to be the main character.

What does she want?

Make sure what she wants makes sense to us the reader.

You're in an alien world with superpowers! What would you want to do?

 

Then give us a sense of the dilemma she faces

There must be some sort of conflict or there's no plot.

 

 

You do need more three-dimensional characters and we must have a better sense of choices and stakes.

 

 

 

The style, tone, and characters of THE CROSSOVER will appeal to readers of are most comparable to A.K. Larkwood’s The Unspoken Name meets and Matt Haig’s The Midnight Library.

 

 

Here's the description of The Unspoken Name

What if you knew how and when you will die?

Csorwe does—she will climb the mountain, enter the Shrine of the Unspoken, and gain the most honored title: sacrifice.

But on the day of her foretold death, a powerful mage offers her a new fate. Leave with him, and live. Turn away from her destiny and her god to become a thief, a spy, an assassin—the wizard's loyal sword. Topple an empire and help him reclaim his seat of power.

But Csorwe will soon learn—gods remember, and if you live long enough, all debts come due.

 

Notice there is almost NO world building.

There's one sentence of set up.

The choices the main character faces are clear, as are the stakes.

All in fewer than 100 words.

This is your goal.

 

You have 380 in the query.

 

It is intended to be the first installment of a series that I hope will span 3-5 books.

It can stand alone but I envision it as the start of a series

 

new paragraph for personalization

(Insert personalization here).

I am querying you because you like kale and I like rabbits (or whatever.)

 

 

Thank you for your consideration,

 

 

Focus.

Pare down the events and increase character development.

 

There are a million portal stories in my inbox.

Show me (don't tell me) how yours is better, faster, more enticing.

 

I'd start with the dog.

That's interesting.

 

Dogs? DOGS??

 

 

 

 

******

Initial query

Question/Concern:

I have been submitting queries to agents since May of 2022 and have only received kind rejections so far. I have decided to blame this on my query letter for now, and so I come to you with my struggle after reading the archives. I have a complex first installment of a fantasy series in progress, and it seems impossible to include the necessary information in a concise manner. I have left many important characters unmentioned, and I have failed to include the aspect of my plot that involves the protagonist's impending trek through the infinite layers of an infinite universe in a war of fate and freewill. In addition to that, I feel that some of the appealing aspects of my book, like the presence of ghosts and alternate timelines, alternating chapter perspectives, intricate arcs, and relatable societal problems can't be included without getting to a 1200 word query letter.

Dear Query Shark,

 

 I am writing to seek representation for THE CROSSOVER, which is a 137,000-word new adult, fantasy fiction novel.

 

For starters, your word count is high. 137K is an auto-pass for many agents.

Your category, new adult, is one that you might see referenced on Goodreads etc., but isn't all that useful for queries. New Adult started as a way to categorize books for readers above the YA age range (that tops out at 18.)

 

All too quickly it morphed into porn light. Think 50 Shades of Grey.

 

Now it's trying to make a comeback but in a query you want to use the most solid description you can. Your book is fantasy. You don't need to say fiction, cause fantasy is not non-fiction. (Current events not withstanding.)

 

And fiction novel is an instant pass for a lot of us.

 

So: The Crossover (137,000 words) is fantasy.

 

Except when you start with this, it just gives agents permission to pass without reading another word.  That's why I suggest you put this at the close of the query, NO MATTER WHAT.

 

 

(Personalize for agent here).

Personalization goes below as well. So many writers botch this up that it's just safer not to lead with it.

 

Comps go at the end too.

And you can NOT use Stephen King as a comp. He is in a category by himself. People read his books just cause he wrote them.  You don't have that advantage yet.

 

 

THE CROSSOVER is most comparable to Stephen King’s newest novel Fairy Tale mixed with Leigh Bardugo’s Shadow and Bone.

 

Shadow and Bone was first pubbed in 2013. It's too old to be an effective comp.

 

 

ELENORE (23), a curiosity-driven student of science,

This is not a police blotter, or a newspaper article. Don't put the ages in parenthesis.

 

and BENAIAH (Ben, 22), her grumbly companion with a heart of gold,

 

heart of gold is a cliche.

Agents are looking for things that are fresh and new.

 

 

inadvertently stumble across a portal to another world on their rental property in Indiana.

 

Elenore’s desire to prove their discovery compels them to enter the undulating void despite a vague, menacing message found graffitied on their wall promising death to Ben should they go.

 

What?

What does prove their discovery mean?

Also, try this without all the modifiers.

 

Elenore’s desire to prove their discovery compels them to enter the undulating void despite a vague, menacing message found graffitied on their wall promising death to Ben should they go.

 

A lot easier to understand without all the descriptors.

 

Over-modifying is a common flaw in early work.

Watch for it, and pluck out everything you don't need.

And you don't need anywhere near as much filigree as you think.

 

 

After entering the portal and becoming separated by the sword-bearing forces in the Kingdom of Corva, Elenore and Ben are informed that when they entered the portal, they passed through “the pathways” and developed abilities.

 

This sentence is 35 words long.

That means you've got too much information for your reader to readily absorb.

Short form work like a query usually means you want short sentences.

 

 

Other people have some abilities, but allegedly, none can wield the pathways like those that walk through time.

 

The construction of this sentence seems to convey that pathways walk through time.

My guess is that's not what you mean.

An easy fix is just to change out that for who.

Other people have some abilities, but allegedly, none can wield the pathways like those who walk through time.

According to the warring rulers, Elenore and Ben are potentially the most powerful in the kingdom. Out of desperation, Elenore and Ben accept similar deals by agreeing to help in the conflict that envelopes the kingdom in exchange for help returning home.

 

At this point I'm utterly befuddled.

 

Unbeknownst to Elenore, Victoria, her mentor and advisor to the misguided King Gael, has a vicious ambition to seize power. Despite the knowledge Elenore gains on her journey, she doesn’t realize the danger they are in. Opal, the scheming, untrustworthy leader of the resistance movement that captured Ben, is the only one who understands the extent of the danger they are in, and she intends to use the knowledge to bargain for her life when Elenore and the king invade the city she holds. Meanwhile, Victoria  has no idea her antagonistic actions will eventually lead to the collapse of the infinite layers in their cyclical universe. Even worse, Elenore, Ben, a dog, and several other friends are the only ones that stand a chance of altering fate enough to prevent it. They must decide between risking their lives for a foreign universe or living with the guilt of doing nothing to prevent its demise.

 

There's so much information here it's impossible to follow.

 

In a query you don't need anywhere near this much detail.

 What you need is:

What does the main character want?

What's blocking them from getting it?

What choices do they face?

What's at stake with those choices?

 

That's all you need.

 

 

I have been writing for as long as I can remember.

This may be true. It's not useful to say so in a query.

 

The ideas that shaped this novel often surfaced in the night, causing me to leap out of bed and take notes on a post-it stuck to a book next to my bed.

Also not useful in the query.

 

Now, as a 25-year-old high school English teacher with a Bachelor of Arts in English Education, I finally had the tools to sit down and finish it.

Also not useful

 

The manuscript is complete and ready for review.

I hope so, cause if you're querying an unfinished book, its an automatic pass.

In other words, no need to  state the obvious.

 

And review means something else. You're submitting your ms for consideration. But you still don't need to say so.

Agents do not generally care about how long you've loved to write or your process.

 

 I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my query,

Don't sound like I'm doing you a favor here.

I'm not.

I'm reading your query with the idea of becoming extremely wealthy by the sweat of your brow.

 

 

and I look forward to the possibility of hearing from you. 

Yea, my colleagues are notorious for no response means no which I find highly objectionable.

But let's not give them leave to do that by acknowledging it. Let them sauté in their own shame.

 

Thank you for your consideration, 

 

Unfortunately you've got a novel that has all the aspects of every other portal fantasy, and nothing that makes it distinctly your own.

 

That's the challenge to all writers. Fresh and new doesn't mean stories we've never seen. It means a different take or a different approach.

 

First Blood is essentially a fresh look at Beowulf.

Clueless is a new way to tell the story in Emma.

 

Every Jack Reacher novel is a Western, really: A stranger comes to town, shakes things up, then leaves.

A Western with no horses, no six-guns, no cattle rustlers. In other words, a fresh take.

 

So the problem here isn't the query. It's the novel.

Time to think about what you can change to put your own distinct spin on a portal fantasy.

 Think about what prompted you to write this. What do you want to say that hasn't been said before. 

As for your question: The problem is not lack of detail. It's too much detail. Agents don't expect to know everything about the book from the query. The query is the introduction, a brief taste of the meal that is the book.

You need to pare down here, but also figure out what makes your book distinctive, and get that on the page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Revision #1

 

 

Dear Query Shark:

 

Lily Carter has hid her singing voice away for years for fear of rejection.

Lily Carter has hidden, not hid.

 

These kinds of mistakes can fell your query before you know it.

If grammar and syntax aren't your forte, it's ok. It's not a sign of bad writing, or low character.

 

Just recognize that it's a stumbling block and make friends with Miss Picklepuss, the copy editor from hell. She'll help you remove these gremlins. It might cost some money, but this is something you do want to invest in.

 

Her best friend (now ex-best friend)

you don't need both of these.

Your reader will intuit that they were once best friends if she's now the ex-best friend.

 

Watch for this kind of over-writing.

 

 

made it clear she should never sing in public if she can help it.

Suggest taking this last part out just to give the sentence more drama.

 

So Lily sings only when she's sure no one else can hear her. Imagine her embarrassment when the new kid in town catches her in the act.

 

Imagine her embarrassment takes us out of the narrative.

You're telling, not showing.

 

Avoid that.

 

She's embarrassed.

 

But embarrassed is such a tepid word for the plot point that's driving the narrative.

Here's a good place to get out the Thesaurus and dig around for more vivid words.

 

mortified

humiliated

(and there are others, take your pick)

 

Already at odds with Jack Sutton after an encounter with him at school, Lily expects nothing but scorn from him.

Again, pare out what you don't need.

This is the meat and tater tots of revising. Early drafts are almost always too long. Pare out everything you don't need.

 

But instead of making fun of her, he compliments her, throwing all her preconceived notions about what a terrible singer she is into question. 

It's NOT a preconceived notion, is it? It's what someone told her (someone with some sort of malevolent agenda it sounds like.)

 

Internal conflicts in a query are huge red flag. It tells me you don't have a handle on the plot, and the full manuscript may not hold together very well. Again, here's where Miss Picklepuss can be of great value.

 

 

Suddenly, the aggravating yet undeniably charming Jack keeps is popping up all over the place. At school, at church, and then there’s the real icing on the cake. It turns out that Jack is the brother of her new best friend.

Do we need to know any of this?

 

This next sentence connects to the previous one more directly.

 

With a musical background himself and a dogged belief that Lily has talent, Jack makes it his mission to get Lily back on the horse. Or the stage, so to speak.

 

Consider:

Jack has a musical background himself, and seems to think Lily has talent.

He makes it his mission to get Lily back on stage.

 

There's a LOT to be said for starting your sentences with the subject, not burying it in a clause.

 

 

 

 

 

As Lily spends more time with Jack and his spirited sister Cat, a self-consciousness Lily didn't even realize she had developed begins to mend.

She didn't realize she was self-conscious about her singing?

Are you serious here? That just doesn't make sense unless Lily is blindingly un-self aware.

She's literally stopped singing outside of the shower.

 

She even gets up the courage to enter the high school talent show thanks to a little prodding from Jack and his agreement to help her prepare for the show. When Jack starts giving her singing lessons, Lily slowly begins believing in herself again.  

 

But Lily has a few obstacles to overcome. Like that pesky stage fright thing. Or the ex-best friend who unexpectedly resurfaces and tries to sabotage Lily’s chances. Or the growing feelings she’s developing for her best friend’s brother. Lily must rely on her friends, her family, and her new-found confidence in order to get ready for talent show day.

 

You've got a lot of stuff going on here, but not very much plot.

What's the problem here?

Lily has been told she shouldn't sing in public.

What problem does that create?

Then Jack comes along and tells her she does have a singing voice.

 

What problem does that solve?

 

TAKE A DEEP BREATH is a young adult novel complete at 60,000 words

You don't need to say it's complete.

That's assumed.

 

And this just doesn't feel YA to me. There's no sense of Lily or Jack learning to navigate in the real world. There's no real romantic element.

 

 

 

that portrays the sarcastic, yet vulnerable Lily along with her lovable family and kindhearted friends.

Sarcastic?

Not in these pages she isn't.

 

 

 

A story of personal growth with a touch of romance, this novel is similar to Maybe This Time by Kasie West or Eyes on Me by Rachel Harris.

 

I am a small town Minnesota gal, where a person can go from wearing a sweatshirt and wool socks one day to a tank top and sandals the next. This is my first novel.

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

 

you've got a lot of concept but not enough story.

You need more plot on the page. The problem Lily faces, and the choices to solve, and what's at stake.

 

It will help if we see those things for Jack too.

 

You've only got 60K here so you've a got a LOT of room to add more depth.

 

 

 

******

Original query

This query is a completely revised one from the one I started with as that one got me a couple of partial requests, but nothing serious. Now, since I've started using this query, I haven't even gotten a nibble. 

In the first  53 words you have two problems that could lead to an immediate pass.

While agents aren't actively looking for reasons to pass if you give them two in short order, that's what's going to happen.

 

My first query was succinct but a bit commercial in my opinion. So I tried to offer a quirkier approach with this one.

 

 

 A bit commercial isn't a bad thing. Agents are looking for things they can sell (ie commercial).

 I did beef up my bio after reading your archives. 

141 words is about 100 too many. See notes below. An extensive bio doesn't make up for problems in the query so lets focus on that.

You also stated in the archives that queries should have at least 2 comps. Is it okay to comp an author instead like I did?  

 No, see notes below

 

 

Dear Query Shark:

People are creatures of habit. They take the same route to school every day, they buy the same brand of soap they always do, and they listen to the same radio station, day in and day out. And they also sit at the same school desk every morning in first period English class.

 

When I read this, I have no idea if you're querying for fiction or non-fiction.

That's a big problem when agents are getting dozens of queries a week.

Big problem = pass.

It's more effective to start with the character's name and what problem she faces

 

At least, that’s what Lily Carter used to do.

 

Consider instead:

People are creatures of habit.

Lily Carter is a creature of habit.

 

They take the same route to school every day, they buy the same brand of soap they always do, and they listen to the same radio station, day in and day out.

 

She takes the same route to school every day, buys the same brand of soap, listens to the same radio station, day in and day you.

 

 

 And they also sit at the same school desk every morning in first period English class.

And sit at the same desk every morning in first period English.

 

 

But when you revise like this the real problem becomes very clear.

You're describing someone who doesn't sound very interesting. In fact, she sounds dull as dishwater.

That's DEATH in a query, particularly in YA.

Death = pass.

 

Now, if there's a reason Lily is so methodical in her daily life, that would give her some depth.

Is this how she feels safe?

Did she read Gustave Flaubert and take his advice to heart: "Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work."

Let's give Lily some context here.

 

 

 Until Jack Sutton just waltzed in and stole it right out from under her. The gentlemanly thing to do would have been to give it back. Instead, he refused to acknowledge her rightful claim of dibs and in the process managed to ruffle her feathers, push her buttons, flip her lid, and get her goat. If you know what I mean.

 

Because he sat in her chair?

Does this seem like a very intense reaction to something that's essentially not important?  It's not like he said her mum wears army boots.

 

So, Jack is the last person on earth that Lily wants witnessing her humiliating attempt at singing.

 

There's no connection here between Jack stealing her seat in English class and witnessing her humiliating attempt at singing.

 

How is it that Jack is in her life at all?

 

 

Lily has been very careful to keep her voice under wraps after receiving rejection at the hands of a close friend.

What was Lily trying to do that a close friend rejected her?

Specifics are much more compelling than generalities.

You don't want to be awash in too much detail, but you need more than you have here.

 

Surprisingly though, Jack challenges her belief of mediocrity. 

What he actually does is challenge her belief that her singing is mediocre.

You need razor sharp, precise sentences in a query.

 

He actually begins to make her question a lot of things. Like the idea that the talent show is out of her league. Maybe, it's not. Maybe, she could even win it.

 

Although there is the small matter of that pesky stage fright thing…

So far, there's nothing interesting about Lily, and she sounds rather like a basket case. This is a HUGE problem in YA that is character driven.

 

As Lily gets closer to Jack and his spirited sister Cat, a self-consciousness Lily didn't even realize she had developed begins to mend. Thanks to a little prodding from her new friends, Lily signs up for the talent show. 

 What does Jack see in Lily that he's investing time and emotional support in her?

But someone from Lily's past is determined to see her fail. 

This is absolutely out of left field. With no context it's like a big ink blot on the page.

Let's give the antagonist some more page time.

 

Lily must rely on her friends, her family, and her new-found confidence in order to overcome the obstacles in her way. 

What obstacles? I thought there was an antagonist trying to thwart her.

 

 

Take a Deep Breath is a young adult novel complete at 60,000 words that portrays the sarcastic, yet vulnerable Lily along with her lovable family and kindhearted friends. A story of personal growth with a touch of romance, this novel will appeal to fans of Kasie West.

You need to use titles, not authors. Those titles need to be recent, no earlier than 2019.

 

Your bio is 141 words. Given a query should be 250-300 you've spent a larger percentage of your word count on your bio and not your book.

 

I am a small town Minnesota gal, where a person can go from wearing a sweatshirt and wool socks one day to a t-shirt and sandals the next. With a penchant for staying in every night with my two cats and a DVD collection to rival a Blockbuster store (are there any of those in existence anymore?) one might be tempted to call me an introvert. If it weren't for my extroverted husband, I just might be. Kudos to him for getting me out of my comfort zone and making friends with the outside world. Who knew I would enjoy things like pickleball and Korean BBQ? (not at the same time, for heaven's sake). This is my first novel and

 

 

 I'm looking to team up with an agent who can help an eager, wide-eyed newcomer navigate the ropes of the literary world.

 

This kind of statement is counter-productive.

Agents see this as code for needy and naive.  Even if you are these things, they're not something you'd put in your bio.  Remember a query is also about the agent assessing if you're someone they want to work with. Someone who clearly will need a lot of hand holding is less likely to get a nod. Just leave this kind of statement out.

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

 

 

This does not have enough edge to be YA.

It sounds middle grade to me.

 

There's no sense of Lily coming to terms with the larger world, or figuring out her place in it.

It's all character development and very light on plot.

 

There's not enough story on the page.

 

 

 

 

 

NEWS—The Ray Studio hand vise seems like the perfect tool for hobbyists who like to paint small figures, glue small parts, and more. The weighted handle provides a grip for one hand or you can place it on a table. Or you can remove the handle altogether. The split vise features slots for rods to […]

I had the opportunity to play a preview edition of Quests & Cannons: The Risen Islands  from Short Hop Games in advance of the game’s upcoming Kickstarter campaign. Designed by Eric and Shannon Geller, the preview edition arrived in a bright and colorful cover box that hinted at the beautiful artwork within.

We got it on the table for a family game straightaway. As we unpacked the contents of the box, I was impressed with the quality of the wooden components. Especially for a preview copy, everything was incredibly well made and sturdy, which speaks to the care and enthusiasm Eric and Shannon have put into the game. The illustrations on the components are just lovely! The artists (Lily Yao Lu, Tony Carter, Regis Torres, Sita Duncan, and Lilia Sitailo) did a really great job integrating the theme into the materials. 

Quests & Cannons  is very easy to setup and the rules are straightforward,  so you can get started playing pretty quickly; no one is going to be stuck spending an hour reviewing the rules upfront. The only thing you really need to work out is whether you want to play the game solo, cooperatively, free for all, or in teams.  Regardless of the mode you choose, you’ll sit down as a leader of a kingdom, tasked with bringing prosperity (i.e. victory points) to your people as you explore new islands that have suddenly cropped up in the sea. The revelation of the islands has coincided with devastating famine and drought hitting the kingdoms to varying degrees, so you’re also on a quest to find a way to reverse these plagues.

And since prosperity can be gained through attacking other leaders during explorations, you’ll need to be thinking about battle defense and offense.  My kids are teens, so they handled the attacks pretty well, but your mileage may vary with your youngsters, depending on their age and temperament.

The underlying mechanics of the game are pretty simple:

• Explore to gather resources across the islands and turn those resources in to complete quests (pick up and deliver)
• Follow explicit instructions on map clue cards to do X action at X location
• Attack rival ships

Players can do three actions on a turn, choosing freely between move, gather resources, and attack. 

All of the how-to and particulars governing these actions are detailed in the rulebook (and in video play-throughs online). Variability in movement rules, attack/defense power, and resource storage capacity is dictated for each player by the leader card they’ve chosen at the beginning of the game (each one comes with special powers and differing stats) and the upgrades performed on their ship.

I did find a few issues with the mechanics for the Geller team to address before the final version is distributed:

• Explain in the rulebook what should be done if the map clue drawn cannot possibly be used
• Add a 0 space to the action point track on each player’s ship to track the exhaustion of the final action point
• Implement monsters or other descriptive elements with differing effects into the treacherous sea spaces to add more complexity

Outside of these issues, I recommend Quests & Cannons as a family game for gateway gamers (i.e. new to the hobby) or those who gravitate toward light strategy games. It’s kid-friendly and there isn’t any analysis paralysis inherent in the game.  It plays in under 90 minutes, gives kids exposure to different play modes within the same game, tackles conflict resolution, and comes with a variety of board layouts to keep things interesting over multiple plays. Note that this is not a game I’d recommend for players who prefer deeper strategy. Highly experienced gamers drawn to seafaring themes and beautiful artwork can find similar mechanisms with a bit more depth and complexity in other games such as Islebound (designed by Ryan Laukat from Red Raven Games).

-------------------------------------------------

Publisher: Short Hop Games
Players: 1-6 (We played with 4 and 5)
Actual Playing Time (vs the guideline on the box): about 90 minutes per game
Game type: pick-up and deliver,hand management, action points, kid-friendly, solo

Rating for Gateway Gamers: 

Rating for Advanced Board Gamers:                                          

Rating scale:
OUI: I would play this game again; this game is ok. I probably would not buy this game myself but I would play it with those who own it and if someone gave it to me I would keep it.
OUI OUI: I would play this game again; this game is good. I would buy this game.
OUI OUI OUI: I LOVE THIS GAME. I MUST HAVE THIS GAME.
NON: I would not play this game again. I would return this game or give it away if it was given to me.

Federal Government Boosts Australian Cardiovascular Alliance’s Mission to Combat Cardiovascular Disease and Stroke  News Hub

1. As it happened: Donald Trump ally taunts Kevin Rudd; WiseTech shareholders launch class action  Sydney Morning Herald
2. Ditching Rudd over Trump insults would be ‘worst possible signal’: Turnbull  Sydney Morning Herald
3. Senior Liberal calls for Rudd to be sacked after Trump advisor suggests US ambassador is on thin ice  9News

Fundraisers come in all varieties. From aggressive to docile, from passionate to indifferent, there are many ways to bring money into a non-profit or political campaign. Just what is the best method of fundraising? The best method is the one that brings in the most money for the cause. There is only one caveat; donors must be respected at all times.

While fundraising happens in call centers, fundraising isn't a typical call center job. Most call centers don't require the depth of experience that fundraiser call center jobs require. A fund raiser can be expected to have a solid grasp of political, social and environmental issues. A telephone fundraiser can spend the morning trying to elect certain politicians and the afternoon trying to protect natural resources  The best telefundraisers have flexible minds and are gifted speakers.

Passion helps a lot but is certainly not the only way to get a donor to contribute. Knowing the issues you're calling about, even if you aren't as passionate about them as others, goes a long way to building credibility with donors. Rapport building is just as important, Donors give to people they like, Get to know your donors and they'll respond,

The next tip is counter-intuitive  Ask high. Most callers, and especially new callers, think donors will be insulted by large requests. In fact high asks have the opposite effect, Many donors are actually flattered to receive a large request, In other cases donors find these request to be humorous given their personal financial situation. Humor builds rapport and rapport secures donations.

The best fundraiser to be is the fundraiser that is most effective with the donor that's currently on the line. Be versatile  The more fundraising styles in your portfolio, the more money you'll raise.

Thank you for reading this. Please leave your comments below and check back often for new posts all about the world of telephone fundraising.

Ever since November 2, 2016, I've been meaning to blog about the Cubs winning the World Series, and I may yet, but I think my post about their getting into the World Series ("Every Cubs Fan is Ten Years Old Tonight") pretty much sums things up (though obviously it didn't cover their blowing the lead in game 7, extra innings, and that rain delay...).

But for now, I thought I'd blog about what happened this year, between January 9 and 15, when I boarded a very large ship for the first time and set sail with some 2000+ like-minded individuals for the first annual Star Trek Cruise.

All the elevators were decorated like this

Many of the restaurants and bars were similarly themed...

It was an absolutely fantastic and fun experience: the cruise ship was decorated (as much as possible on a finite budget) to recreate Federation technology and decor and there were activities and performances and autograph and photo opportunities by and with the likes of William Shatner, John deLancie, Denise Crosby, Marina Sirtis, Terry Farrell, Ethan Phillips, Max Grodenchik, Robert O'Reilly, Casey Biggs, and Chase Masterson.

My mess dress uniform for the formal

There were also four official theme nights: (i) A Night in the Holodeck, where you were supposed to dress as your favorite holodeck/holosuite character; (ii) Q's Masquerade Ball, where the sky was the limit; (iii) the Captain's Formal Gala; and (iv) an Evening on Risa.

I first heard about the cruise back in August of 2015 or so, when it was first announced, and decided that I really had to go. Now, although I've been a Star Trek fan since I was a kid, I've never been to a con or on a cruise, but there was just something about this idea that I found fascinating. 

So I decided I'd go, and I made the affirmative decision that I was going to embrace the cosplay.  Granted, I didn't have to, and there were a significant number of folks who ended up wearing Star Trek-related garb or generically appropriate clothing, but I decided that I would dive in, as it were (In part, I did so because half the fun of a vacation is anticipating it, and preparing the cosplay was an engaging extension.

At first, I debated doing makeup and going all out as a Trill or a Vulcan (and took the appropriate

Go Niners!

accoutrements onto the ship, but ended up not going that extra step for logistical reasons).  And there were a couple costume ideas I considered and then discarded as either too unwieldy or just not right.

Eventually, though, I decided to do costumes not based on individual particular characters per se, but ones that would evoke an episode or the world of an episode (Incidentally, I tend to think this is one of the reasons for the appeal of books like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. Readers who like imaginative play like to imagine themselves in those worlds, perhaps more so than they imagine themselves as Harry Potter or Frodo).

So, what were my favorite episodes that lent themselves to cosplay? Well, for the favorite holodeck character, I decided early on that I wanted to do something related to baseball, since it was the favorite game of Captain Sisko on Deep Space Nine and the subject of one of the more goofily charming episodes, "Take Me Out to the Holosuite," in which a Vulcan captain challenges Sisko and the crew of DS9 to a baseball game.  Both sides had their own uniforms and the DS9 crew were the "Niners."

I ended up having problems figuring out how to do the uniform in a screen accurate manner, so decided to wing it and do what I ended up calling a "Deep Space Nine throwback uniform," complete with Terok Nor (the former name of Deep Space Nine) logo. :-). As you can see, though, there were a number of people who had less difficulty than I did in getting a screen accurate uniform :-):
  

And people were already pulling out the stops for the evening. Here are a couple pics:

The Q Continuum made an appearance

Really creative holodeck no. 1

A transport in progress. The photo doesn't really do it justice

Really creative holodeck no. 2

A very nice historical look

For Q's Masquerade, I found myself with a dilemma: the idea was that it would be a masked ball, but when you wear eyeglasses, masks can prove to be a bit difficult.  In the end, I went with a wild west outfit, because I figured I could wear an "outlaw bandana" as the mask.

The costume is based on the worlds of either the Original Series episode "Spectre of the Gun" or the Next Generation episode "Fistful of Datas." Ultimately, I kept the mask in my pocket since it interfered with the eating and drinking.

As you can see, there were a number of folks who had similar ideas:


They had to change the venue for the masquerade due to weather, so I didn't get as many shots as I'd've liked, but here are a few:



For the Captain's Formal Gala, I decided that I could wear my tux, but I'd always liked the formal dress uniform that was introduced in Star Trek: Insurrection and also appeared in DS9, so I went with that.  I confess that at first I had thought it would be the most boring night of cosplay, since everyone would be in Star Fleet formal uniforms.  And people did that, but there was a bit of variety as well...

The last official theme night, an evening and barbecue ("Targ-BQ") on Risa, seemed to be the most troublesome costume-wise, or at least the one that stretched people's creativity, especially since the only really distinctive Risan outfit was Picard's infamous "silver speedo."  There actually were brave folks who went with that, but one of my favorites was the couple who dressed up as George and Gracie, the humpback whales from Star Trek IV.

And what am I wearing? A conventional pair of board shorts and a garment called a "sleeveless hoodie." It's actually off the rack, but I did have someone ask me if I'd made it myself. I bought it because I'd never heard of such a thing before and the idea of a sleeveless hoodie seemed kind of bizarre to me and therefore suitably Risan :-).

Another of my favorites of the night was The Game headsets (from the eponymous Next Gen episode) that a couple of guys brought:
And then there were these guys whose three hour tour seemed to have gotten a bit sidetracked:

There was a lot of other stuff going on, as well, including the chance to randomly encounter the actors...

...pictures and autographs...

The Grand Nagus signed my novel! :-)

...shore excursions...
...on board lectures, panels, and performances...

William Shatner "christens" the cruise

Terry Farrell leads yoga

Lolita Fatjo discusses script coordinating...

Terry Farrell, Chase Masterson, and James Darren

Casey Biggs leads a wine tasting

...and, of course, the great tribble hunt:
There was way too much going on for me to have caught even a fraction of it, but you can see a ton of pictures at the 2017 Star Trek Cruise photo gallery and there's a great video here.

You can also check out the blog reports from StarTrek.com here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6.

Live long and prosper!

In light of a recent series of fires in high-rise buildings with combustible facades, including the Grenfell tower fire, the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) has initiated a project to develop a fire risk assessment tool for these types of buildings to assist local authorities globally with fire safety in their communities.

September is Campus Fire Safety Month and this year the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) and The Center for Campus Fire Safety (The Center) are working together to promote their national Campus Fire Safety for Students campaign. The campaign raises awareness about the dangers of fires among college-aged students who live in on- and off-campus college housing.

Fire chiefs from France, the United Kingdom, and the United States gathered in Quincy, Massachusetts at the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) Urban Fire Forum (UFF) to listen to first-hand accounts of some of the biggest emergency response incidents over the past 15 months, including hurricane response in Texas and Florida, the Grenfell Tower fire in London, and the Pulse Nightclub shooting in Orlando.

Shares of Indian food delivery giant Swiggy rose nearly 8% on their trading debut Wednesday after its IPO became the country's second largest this year. The company raised 113.27 billion Indian rupees ($1.34 billion) in its IPO that closed Monday, pricing its shares at 390 rupees apiece. The IPO…

Hans Niemann is gearing up to play tens of thousands of players simultaneously at Web Summit. The chess world will try and break a new record at the Web Summit technology conference in Lisbon this week when Grandmaster Hans Niemann competes online against what he hopes will be tens of thousands of…

There is “no sign” of the transition away from burning fossil fuels that was pledged by the world’s nations a year ago, with 2024 on track to set another new record for global carbon emissions. The new data, released at the UN’s Cop29 climate conference in Azerbaijan, indicates that the…

Intel has announced that it will address the performance issues plaguing its recently launched Core Ultra 200S series, particularly in gaming. The company acknowledged that the launch did not meet expectations and plans to roll out updates by the end of November or early December to rectify the situation.

The post Intel Promises Fix for Arrow Lake Performance Issues Within a Month appeared first on ThinkComputers.org.

Born in Cambridge in 1952, Douglas Adams was best known for creating The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a wildly successful project that began in 1978 as a science-fiction comedy radio series and eventually evolved to become something much larger, in many formats and in many languages, adored by many millions of people around the world.

This article explores the impact of abandonment abuse and neglect, not only on children but, centrally, on the foster carers, adopters and kinship carers who parent children where it has been deemed that a return home to birth parents is not in their interests. (For purposes of simplicity we will refer to these carers as ‘parenting figures’.) In doing this we aim to provide parenting figures with support and understanding as well as reducing the feelings of isolation that is often integral to parenting ‘looked after’ children.

Systematic review produced by the EPPI-Centre in 2015.This systematic review aimed to evaluate the effect of HAART and ARV monotherapy on liver disease progression and liver-related mortality in individuals co-infected with HIV and hepatitis C, including in patients with haemophilia.

President-elect Donald Trump's reelection was credited for emboldening a group of people waving Nazi flags in Michigan over the weekend.

WLNS reported that the flags were seen in two cities, including at a Jewish play.

According to the report, "many people" were seen displaying flags with swastikas on Saturday night as the Fowlerville Community Theater performed the "Diary of Anne Frank." The same group was also seen outside the American Legion Post in Howell.

"It was upsetting," cast member Becky Frank said. "You know, just knowing the character I was playing, knowing a lot of the research that I did on my character."

Witnesses said the protest began in Howell before moving to Fowlerville. Protesters were seen wearing masks with the number 1488, a white supremacist symbol.

"There was a group of people at the four-way intersection in downtown that had swastika flags and American flags," witness Alex Sutfill told WLNS. "They were sticking their arms up and yelling hail Hitler and Hail Trump and everything like that."

Peter Damerow said the group told him to go back to his country.

"They looked at me and one of them said," Damerow recalled. "No this is Pureville now, and we're here to make sure it stays pure."

read more

Hardcover, Paperback, Kindle, Audio – January 1, 1993

When Trump descended the escalator at Trump Tower in 2015 to announce his presidential campaign, he tapped into something that had been brewing in online spaces for years. What made Trump unique wasn’t just his message, but his ability to speak the language of internet culture – his unfiltered tweets, his willingness to be politically […]

The post The Alt-Right Pipeline and the Rise of Trump: How Digital Radicalization Found Its Political Voice appeared first on Feminist Majority Foundation.

By Matt Solomon Published: November 12th, 2024

By JM McNab Published: November 12th, 2024