I am not that kind of person and have made it clear I don’t want to hear from him. What more can I do?

Before the lockdown, I had a boyfriend with whom I had been for 16 months. He said he wanted to experiment sexually with another couple, which I found shocking. I am not that kind of person, so I broke up with him. Despite the breakup, he is still constantly texting me, even though I stopped texting him a while back and made it clear I don’t want to see him. The situation hurts me so much, and any help you could offer would be much appreciated.

Joining another couple for erotic fun is not uncommon; many people enjoy it. In fact, there are many communities of people who regularly participate in this sexual style. But it is not for everyone, and jealousies and insecurities can arise no matter how sexually open a person is. “Swinging” is advanced sexual play that requires a couple to be well bonded and requires each partner to be psychologically stable as well as sexually mature.

‘I’ve heard of women rejecting a guy for his size, then making fun of him to others’

I was 15 when I realised my penis was below average in size. Feeling increasingly ashamed, I gravitated towards humiliation pornography (in which women demean men over their size) and that only made me focus more on my anxieties. I used to upload pictures of my penis anonymously on to sites such as Reddit, and the comments were all about how small it was.

I’m 22 now, and have never had a girlfriend, which I attribute to my low self-esteem. I think that in a loving relationship you accept each other’s faults – that is what I’d try to do – but I’ve heard stories of women rejecting a guy for his size and then making fun of him to other people. I’ve asked out a female friend or two while drunk, but always been rejected. Hell, I’d have rejected myself – I have overeating issues, an introverted personality, no banter. There are a million factors, but I can’t help tying them all up with having a small penis. I used to blame my inability to date on anyone but me, and for a while I gravitated towards incel [involuntary celibate] groups, but I soon realised that their ideology is toxic. I don’t believe women owe men sex.

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