Date: November 9, 2024

Today’s Doodle celebrates Cambodia’s Independence Day. On this day in 1953, Cambodia declared independence from France, ending nearly a century of foreign rule. 

While festivities take place across the country, the largest are held in Phnom Penh. Government officials kick off the holiday with a formal ceremony at the Independence Monument, broadcast nationwide. The flag of Cambodia is raised and a ceremonial flame is lit before the next observance kicks off: parades! Colorful floats, marching bands, and military personnel proceed by as crowds wave Cambodia’s blue, red, and white flag, which depicts the main building of the Angkor Wat temple complex.

Families and friends often gather around tables to share lavish feasts and traditional dishes. As festivities wind down, fireworks light up the night sky.

Happy Independence Day, Cambodia!

 

Location: Cambodia

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Date: November 10, 2024

Location: Estonia, Finland, Iceland, Sweden

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Date: November 11, 2024

Today’s Doodle celebrates Poland’s National Day, known as Narodowe Święto Niepodległości. On this day in 1918, World War I ended, marking the rebirth of an independent Poland, free after a century of partition. 

Today, red and white, Poland’s national colors since the 13th century, are displayed everywhere. Faces are painted, flags wave from buildings, and a sea of red and white shirts fill the streets, all showcasing the nation’s vibrant spirit. Towns come alive with the sights and sounds of parades. In Warsaw, “The March of Independence,” proceeds through Constitution Square, complete with red flares, while smaller parades echo with marching bands and cheers of onlookers.

Independence Day is also a time to toast the nation’s rich culture and history with family and friends. Happy Independence Day, Poland!

Location: Poland

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Date: November 11, 2024

Location: Puerto Rico, U.S. Virgin Islands, United States

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Apple представила новый золотой ремешок Gold Link для Apple Watch, который можно приобрести за 349 долларов.

Oppo готовится к выпуску планшета Oppo Pad 3, который будет отличаться от предыдущих моделей более тонким корпусом и новыми характеристиками.

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When it comes to any form of entertainment, you have to always expect the unexpected. From the ever-popular Korean-originated mukbang streaming to soap cutting and kinetic sand videos, there are trends we might initially brush off as strange, only... Tagged as:

Здесь хочется написать что-то вроде «новые MacBook Pro уже приехали в Россию». Но волей удивительных событий они в России были задолго до официального анонса. Тем не менее, теперь их можно купить в Москве. Мы взяли такой на тестирование в продвинутой кастомной конфигурации: M4 Pro, 48 ГБ памяти, 20 видеоядер и 2 ТБ накопителя. Цвет «новый»,...

На китайском канале Film and TV Hurricane на Bilibili (аналог YouTube) вышел обзор Mac mini с M4, в съемках которого приняли участие старший вице-президент по международному маркетингу Apple Грег Джосвиак и старший вице-президент Apple по разработке аппаратного обеспечения Джон Тернус. Они рассказали, почему кнопка включения в новом Mac mini находится снизу. Очевидно, это не самое...

Apple обновила прошивку для AirPods 4 и AirPods Pro 2 с разъёмами Lightning и USB-C. Номер сборки для AirPods 4 — 7B20, для AirPods Pro 2 — 7B21. Все модели наушников ранее работали на прошивке 7B19. Apple заявляет, что в этих обновлениях были исправлены ошибки и внесены улучшения. Более подробную информацию компания не раскрыла. AirPods...

Apple открыла предзаказ книги «Apple Music: 100 лучших альбомов» за $450 (~43 тысячи рублей) в издательстве Assouline. Это лимитированная книга со списком из 100 лучших альбомов по версии редакции Apple Music, опубликованным в мае 2024 года. Высокая цена книги объясняется тем, что это ограниченное издание, всего 1500 экземпляров. Каждая книга имеет индивидуальный номер, напечатанный вручную....

Мастера iFixit добрались до новейшего Mac mini с процессором M4. Они сразу же отметили, что компьютер очень легко разобрать, несмотря на существенно уменьшившийся корпус. Нижняя панель удерживается зажимами, которые можно отсоединить без каких-либо повреждений. Первое, что пользователи увидят после снятия этой панели, — CMOS-батарею, которую можно быстро заменить, просто выкрутив два винта. Затем, открутив ещё...

Apple's camera module supplier for the upcoming iPhone SE 4 is set to begin mass production of the components in December, according to a new report coming out of Korea.


Economic newspaper Ajunews reports that LG Innotek will supply the front camera module for the budget-friendly fourth-generation device. Final tests are now said to be underway, with mass production of the module following next month.

The outlet reports that LG Innotek usually supplies camera modules around three months before the launch of new smartphones, which tallies with rumors of an iPhone SE 4 launch in March or April 2025. Apple analyst Ming-Chi Kuo estimates that Apple suppliers will produce around 8.6 million iPhone SE 4 units through the first quarter of next year.

The sub-$500 device is expected to feature a design similar to the base iPhone 14. Rumored specifications include a 6.1-inch OLED display, Face ID, a newer A-series chip, a USB-C port, a single 48-megapixel rear camera, 8GB of RAM to support Apple Intelligence, and Apple's first in-house 5G modem. Apple released the existing iPhone SE in March 2022.

This article, "iPhone SE 4 Camera Modules to Enter Mass Production Next Month" first appeared on MacRumors.com

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Popular repair site iFixit today disassembled one of Apple's new M4 Mac mini machines for a teardown video that gives us a more complete look at the inside of the device.

Compared to the prior version of the Mac mini, the M4 model is densely packed with little space between components, which is how Apple slimmed down the size so much. The ‌M4 Mac mini‌ measures in at 5x5 inches, down from 7.5x7.5 inches, a size reduction that makes a major difference.

The power supply module is a board that extends across the top of the case, a design that Apple has previously used for the HomePod. The power supply normally takes up a lot of space, so that's how Apple shrunk it down without compromising performance.

In the middle of the ‌Mac mini‌, there's a fan that works with the redesigned thermal management system of the machine to pull in air from the environment, circulate it through each level of the ‌Mac mini‌, and then vent it out through the bottom. Because the M4 Pro versions of the ‌Mac mini‌ need more cooling power, Apple equipped them with a larger copper heatsink than the heatsink in the standard ‌M4 Mac mini‌ models.

iFixit is a little late to the ‌Mac mini‌ teardown, which means we have seen prior videos that provided some insight into the machine's internal components. We've already learned that the ‌Mac mini‌ has modular storage that can technically be upgraded after purchase, and iFixit confirmed that. iFixit swapped a 512GB SSD from one ‌M4 Mac mini‌ to another ‌M4 Mac mini‌ that had a 256GB SSD, and the swap was successful.

The M4 and M4 Pro ‌Mac mini‌ models use different NAND modules that aren't physically interchangeable, and iFixit was not able to use an M4 SSD in an M4 Pro ‌Mac mini‌, so users who plan to swap out their own storage will need to make sure to get the correct SSD for their device.

RAM for the ‌Mac mini‌ is tightly integrated into the M4 chip inside and is not upgradeable after purchase, and the ports are also soldered, which can make replacement difficult.

iFixit found other components in the ‌Mac mini‌ are simple to swap out, and the site gave the ‌Mac mini‌ a repairability score of 7 out of 10 thanks to the easy to remove components, swappable SSD, and the detailed repair manuals that Apple made available. iFixit says users could get at least a decade of use out of the ‌M4 Mac mini‌.
This article, "iFixit Shares M4 Mac Mini Teardown" first appeared on MacRumors.com

Discuss this article in our forums

The 2024 Good Furry Awards were presented this Tuesday, 15 October, at Biggest Little Fur Con.

This year saw the Award divided into three categories, the winners of which were:

• Image Award: Finn the Panther
• Furtastic Award: Spottacus Cheetah
• Good Egg Award: Shutter Karelian

Meanwhile, 2024's Lifetime Achievement award was presented to Albedo creator Steve Gallacci.

We have another GIANT list of games this season for the Fall 2024 Steam Next Fest! We're looking forward to a ton of these, and have compiled as many as we could find with animals and/or anthropomorphic characters featured in them! Be sure to let us know of any others you find by commenting below!

We'll be playing some of these demos this week and next, and hopefully providing some previews and progress updates throughout development! Additionally, we have an actively updated Furry & Animal Games List over at @GamingFurever that you can follow and get updates for lots of indie titles with TONS of lovely furry characters!

If you're a developer of any of these games, feel free to hit us up on email over on our Contact Us page!

We're sure everyone will find at least a couple games that strike their fancy during this Next Fest!

Check out the full October list here!

In this episode!

• This episode can hold so much charities!Breaking last years record! But by how much?
• Animations from around the web
• An interview with Labb Rat, known for her commentary videos, about the importance of caring about mental health and escaping toxic environments.

But first, the latest charity news from the fandom in this October edition of Digging Up Positivity and boy are here a lot of them! Do keep in mind, all amounts are converted to US dollars.

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Contributors this month include 2cross2affliction, dronon, earthfurst, GreenReaper, and Rakuen Growlithe.

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Сезон 2024 года складывается для Aston Martin весьма неудачно, и Дэн Фэллоуз, технический директор команды, попытался объяснить, с чем это связано...

This week's Top Comics to Buy for November 13 features buzzy books like Absolute Batman, G.I. Joe, and more!

#54-Enlightenment - Waking Up from Our Dreamed Life

The post #54-Enlightenment – Waking Up from Our Dreamed Life appeared first on Enlightenment Podcast.

AS FEATURED IN

First off, I want to thank you for your interest in my product. I aim to give you the absolute best quality product that exists, as well as the best possible technical support for all of your questions, concerns, and comments.
I wanted to take this opportunity to introduce myself and tell you a little bit about my new Muscle Building Program.
My name is Ben Pakulski , the author and creator of MI40. I will start off by answering the question most commonly asked. What is the significance of the name?
The name, MI40 - “Mass Intentions” is significant to this program because it is representative of the conscious INTENT, to create TENSION in the muscle, as well as the pun of overall mass creation.
The number 40, is the most important number in this program because it is the number that has the most scientific significance in MI40. 40 is representative of the number of days in the program (40 days), the amount of time in a set (40 seconds), the rest between sets (40 seconds), and the number of exercises used in constructing this muscle building protocol.
Many of you will immediately recognize the scientific significance of all of these numbers and some of you may not. The number 40 was chosen because of it being the MOST optimal number for many of these variables.
As will be explained in the program, 40 days has been proven to be the most optimal amount of time to adapt to any new training program (6weeks). 40 seconds is the ideal amount of “Time under Tension”(TUT) to illicit muscular hypertrophy. 40 seconds rest is the ideal amount of time to allow your CP and ATP Glycolytic energy pathways to recover before the next set (these are the energy pathways that drive muscular contraction of fast twitch muscle fibers which are responsible for growth!).
To tell you all a little about myself, I am a graduate of the University of Western Ontario. My areas of study were primarily Kinesiology, and Biomechanics.
My passion for health and fitness is second only to my passion for helping others improve their lives. I live my life by the acronym “CANI” – Constant And Never-Ending Improvement. 1% Improvement Every Day.
I have never viewed myself as an overly blessed individual, which is why my life is always centered on learning the best information, from the best resources and brightest people that exist. 14 years of seeking the best information and applying just about every possible technique on myself , has brought me to where I am today. A very successful, happy, healthy, motivated -professional bodybuilder, author, public speaker, nutrition coach, celebrity trainer and success coach. Sounds like a lot of hats, but they all tie into one balanced life…. Sometimes! ☺
The 2 main principles (or as Vince would reference them – “hooks” and Unique Selling Propositions) set forth in MI40 are the concepts that I deem to be most greatly contributing to holding people back from achieving their goals! “The WEAKEST LINKS!!” Here are the two problems MI40 Solves:
1) Most people have no idea how to feel how to “feel” their muscles, and therefore have little idea how to exhaust and build these muscles. ‘Intentions’ the ideal tool to assist them in doing so.
2) Then there is the idea of creating sufficient overload to stimulate a muscle to grow. Many people spend way too much time in the gym trying to “train” and exhaust a muscle group.
NOS has been designed to get the MAXIMUM efficacy in the shortest amount of time. It will fatigue the muscle faster and create the most optimal hormonal environment to illicit the growth response. Keeping the workout time shorter, means less cortisol (muscle breakdown) and therefore better body composition and muscle growth!
As many of you may already know, in a manner consistent with my approach to all aspects of life, I have gone out and sought “the best”. I have hired marketing genius and fitness pro, Vince DelMonte as my campaign manager for MI40. After spending quite a bit of time with Vince in prepping him for his competitions in 2011, I knew Vince was the guy to help me launch my muscle-building baby to the world! Vince is becoming renowned for his consistent low-to-mid 6-figure launch records. I believe in the product I have created, and I want to share my knowledge and expertise with as many people as I can.
I truly believe that this product has the science, the practical basis, the structure and format to help anyone that comes in contact with it. I want your help in spreading this knowledge and passion with the world!
Yours in fitness, health and passion, Benjamin Pakulski

A short message from your launch manager… Vince Del Monte

We have more than one – earning it’s rightful tag line, “Twice The Muscle, Half The Time!”
First, MI stands for MASS INTENTIONS and INTENTIONS is Ben’s trademark technique that addresses the problem of not being able to go heavier and heavier with your weights unless you wish to carry more risk than reward.
Going heavier isn’t your best option, especially after a few years of lifting, if you want to stimulate muscle growth and you most look to other solutions. With INTENTIONS you change the angle of pushing or pulling by means of a technique almost imperceptible to an observer. You push inward or pull outward with your hands or feet as you perform an exercise. I was introduced to intentions in December 2010 and ever since, my body has never looked the same. You’ve seen my pictures! Intentions literally RE MOLDED my body. On lat pulldowns as I pulled the bar down, I tried to pull my hands apart. They didn’t actually move on the bar, but that different motion made my lats fire in a different way, and my back was more sore the next day than it had been in months.
In the MI40 DVD, Ben teaches you how to apply INTENTIONS to virtually every exercise, not an easy task if you’re untrained in biomechanics and kinesiology (Ben holds a degree from the University of Western Ontario in Kinesiology). On barbell presses for chest, for example, you try to push your hands together. One thing is certain: Forget about using your normal weights. Typically, I do work sets with 180 to 230 pounds on lat pulldowns to the front; at that recent back workout I didn’t need to go any heavier than 150. As I said, though, the feeling in the lats was completely different.
We often play around with grip widths and experiment with pushing and pulling angles, but with intentions you introduce a variable that can awaken dormant muscle fibers and stimulate them in fresh, new ways. Pakulski has used intentions to get more out of exercises like leg presses, squats, barbell rows, bench presses and overhead presses—really anything that has you pushing or pulling both limbs at once on a bar or roller pad. It’s helped him become ripped at 270, place Top 10 at the Arnold Pro Show, Top 5 at the Flex Pro show and on his way to qualifying for the Mr. Olympia next year! INTENTIONS is 100% unique and will breath new life into your workouts. More important, it stimulates new muscle growth based on science and biomechanics, not bro science.

Ben already explained this but lets review it once more to ensure you know exactly what you’re endorsing. You and your list are going to LOVE the simplicity of the mechanism that makes MI40 so effective.
40 days!
40 second sets!
40 second rest periods
40 minute workouts!
40 exercises!
40 foods!
40 day meal plans!
This is the exact workout I followed in prep of the WBFF World Championships and here’s a reminder that it works!
As you can see, MI40 did not transform my body, it literally RE MOLDED it and it’ll do the same for you.



Aside from Ben’s trademark technique Intentions and the science behind the number 40 (we can explain why 40 is scientifically optimally for every variable above), we have…. NOS!
I’ll let Ben explain NOS to you…
Join the NOS revolution:
For years, I had been searching for the best way to overload my muscles each and every time I go in the gym. I know you can relate to those days when you worked “hard” but still feel like you could have done more. Leaving the gym feeling like there was more in the tank or maybe getting home and regretting not pushing harder?! I CRAVED something that would ensure that my muscles are taken to their limit, and CREATE NEW GROWTH!
This is when I discovered NOS!
My training partner and I had been coming up with creative ways to inflict pain on each other during leg workouts for years. I remember daydreaming of ways to make workouts harder. My goal was to leave the gym knowing I had BLASTED every last muscle fiber, and to have my training partner talking about how he had never experienced muscle pumps and growth like this.
“Straight sets” just didn’t seem to do the trick anymore. Ya sure I felt a decent pump, but it just didn’t seem to be the type of intensity that I KNEW I needed to grow!
FACT: A “straight set” will NEVER cause the type of neurological adaptation, hormonal response, and thereby GROWTH that a NOS set will.
NOS WAS BORN ON A LEG PRESS!
Being a research junky I had always read about overloading the muscle and overloading the nervous system to stimulate new muscle and strength gains respectively. Time under tension was proven to be the number one factor correlated with muscle growth and overload!
Something clicked in my brain! Time under MAXIMAL TENSION! This had to be better than just time under tension!! And so, my GROWTH BABY was born!
If I could use the maximum amount of weight I could handle for strict form for the greatest amount of time possible, growth was inevitable! The only catch is, that ITS HARD!
NOS is something that I have been using religiously ever since. Perfecting its components. I use it to get ready for my contests and in my offseason. Straight sets are now a thing of the past.
The science behind NOS: Neurological Overload Set.
The NOS system has been specifically designed to ensure a maximal MUSCLE OVERLOAD! The greatest number of muscle fibers are broken down or exhausted. Taking your muscles to such an exhausted state also causes the highest possible release amount of growth hormones and growth factors within a working muscle! Without these, you can train all day and eat a perfect diet and expect ZERO growth. This is one of the main reasons why so many people train often, train “hard” and see minimal results. They never reach that “overload-anabolic state.”
GREATER OVERALL STIMULUS=GREATER MUSCLE GROWTH!
Now this Math I LIKE!
How to: NOS
NOS is completed by performing an “extended set”.
The goal here is to extend the set for as long as possible while maintaining tension on the working muscle, and perfect form!
Start the set with a weight that you can use for a strict 8 repetitions. After completing your first 8 repetitions, decrease the weight by 20%(if youre using 100lbs, you would decrease by 20lbs, etc.) Immediately continue to perform as many repetitions as you can with the second weight (usually 5-8 reps). Repeat this process 4 times total. (You will complete 3 drops, therefore 4 “sets”-100,80,60,40lbs).
DO NOT allow your form to stray in an attempt to complete more reps. If anything, decrease the size of the Range of Motion (ROM) (“partials”), just make sure to be initiating the movement with the working muscle from a fully stretched position.

FRONT END OFFER:

Component 1
The 40 Day MASS Intelligence Training Manual
Component 2
The 40 Day MASS Consumption Nutrition Manual
Component 3
The 40 Day MASS Instruction Workout Videos
Component 4
The 40 Day MASS Proportions Exercise Demo Guide
Component 5
The 40 Day MASS Prescription Printable Workout Sheets
Component 6
The 40 Day MASS Pursuit Calendar
Component 7
The 40 Day MASS Supplement Stack Protocol
Component 8
The Sciene & Story Behind NOS & Intentions Audio Interview

There are two main schools of thought when it comes to lighting. One is to light your subject in a way that is not grounded in reality but merely looks cool. And the other is to use lighting to translate the way your eye sees light into a way that your camera can better understand it. 

That latter choice is the option we'll be exploring today in a walk-through of a sunset portrait of artist Wendy Ng for the Howard County Conservancy. 

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From Grace!

Актуальность Дарвина. Экспансия Маска. Памяти нобелевского лауреата Ли Цзундао. Алексей Кудря: Астроновости. О пользе предрассудков для развития науки. Отвечаем почти на всё. Самая яркая конференция в моей жизни. Бомба и только бомба. Мыслить носом.

ТрВ-Наука № 414 от 8 октября 2024 года в PDF
Материалы номера в HTML

Сообщение ТрВ № 20 (414) за 2024 г.: Актуальность Дарвина появились сначала на Троицкий вариант — Наука.

В поколении людей, родившихся в 1930-е годы, были невероятно талантливые ученые, среди которых можно назвать Серафиму Евгеньевну Никитину. С. Е. обладала множеством способностей. Она могла бы стать певицей или актрисой, музыковедом, этнографом, географом, биологом, физиком или химиком (химиками были ее родители, а старший брат — физиком). Но стала филологом, и филологом необыкновенным, многопрофильным.

Сообщение Серафима Евгеньевна Никитина (01.09.1938–02.10.2024) появились сначала на Троицкий вариант — Наука.

Так получилось, что в этом году сразу в трех семьях моих близких друзей дети (две девочки и мальчик) окончили школу. И все благополучно поступили в вузы. Когда смотришь на этих ребят, остается надежда на то, что у страны есть будущее. Обе девчонки (без преувеличения, умницы и красавицы) выбрали лингвистику как основу своей будущей профессии. Причем одна из них пошла совсем уж, на мой взгляд, тернистым путем, решив продолжить обучение в Германии. И успешно, не без помощи терпеливых и понимающих родителей, конечно, преодолела первый этап квеста.

Сообщение Как поступить в немецкий вуз в 2024 году? появились сначала на Троицкий вариант — Наука.

Ведущий специалист в области искусственного интеллекта и методов машинного обучения Сергей Марков отвечает на вопросы Алексея Кудря и нейронных сетей.

Сообщение О Нобелевской премии 2024 года и ИИ появились сначала на Троицкий вариант — Наука.

Нобель по молекулярной биологии. Пионеры нейронных сетей. Уроки корейского. Комета Цзыцзиньшань — ATLAS, полет к Европе, вспышка в Малом Магеллановом Облаке. Две межпланетные миссии. К гравитационному телескопу — под солнечным парусом. Из троицкой гимназии — в немецкий вуз. «Ее доклады превращались в настоящие концерты». Пункт приема стеклотары рядом с Театром на Таганке.

ТрВ-Наука № 415 от 22 октября 2024 года в PDF
Материалы номера в HTML

Сообщение ТрВ № 21 (415) за 2024 г.: Нобель по молекулярной биологии появились сначала на Троицкий вариант — Наука.

Группа радиоастрономов под руководством Сергея Тюльбашева, работающая в Пущинской обсерватории, обнаружила необычный радиоимпульс длительностью 211 мс с показателем дисперсии около 134,4 пк/см³ на частоте 111 МГц. Этому импульсу присвоено обозначение FRB 20190203.
28 октября NASA предоставила обновленный список из девяти возможных мест посадки на Луне для миссии Artemis 3. Каждый из этих объектов отличается своим уникальным геологическим разнообразием, что открывает новые горизонты для изучения лунных ресурсов и истории нашей Солнечной системы.
В новом исследовании, проведенном с помощью космического телескопа «Джеймс Уэбб» международной группой ученых, ведомой астрономами из Университета штата Пенсильвания, было выяснено, что некоторые из протопланетных дисков, изначально обнаруженных «Хабблом», окружают коричневые карлики — звездные объекты, которые слишком малы и холодны, чтобы в них происходил синтез водорода. Новые результаты, полученные «Уэббом», помогут астрономам лучше понять, как формируются коричневые карлики, как они связаны с другими звездами и планетами и есть ли у них быть собственные спутники.
В ходе телеконференции с журналистами Национальное управление океанических и атмосферных исследований США (NOAA) и Международная группа по прогнозированию солнечных циклов объявили о достижении Солнцем периода максимума, который продлится в течение следующего года. Каждый из 11-летних циклов характеризуется сменой магнитных полюсов Солнца, что приводит к переходу звезды из спокойного состояния в активное. Затем активность постепенно снижается до минимума, однако ученые не могут точно предсказать, в какой именно момент это произойдет.
Изображение номера — микроквазар SS433.

Сообщение Астроновости: сюрприз микроквазара SS433, подробности миссии Artemis 3, пик солнечной активности… появились сначала на Троицкий вариант — Наука.

Любительская астрономия сегодня. Сюрприз микроквазара SS433, подробности миссии Artemis 3, пик солнечной активности… Слет специалистов по двукрылым. Дорога в космос. Принципу запрета Паули — сто лет. Революция в языке. Самоходные статуи в Сивцевом Вражке.

ТрВ-Наука № 416 от 5 ноября 2024 года в PDF
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Сообщение ТрВ № 22 (416) за 2024 г.: Не думай об аттосекундах свысока появились сначала на Троицкий вариант — Наука.

 

Dear Query Shark,



Come with me to Crustacean University and join this year’s class of mismatched Pollywogs! Watch through this world of science imagination as Adrian keeps finding strange artifacts and accidentally turns Allison’s hair purple, Alex skyrockets his watershed board to the sky, some of the group gets lost in a cave of crystals and Simon falls into a stinky mess. All of this while there is a Dead-Zone outbreak!

 

I wouldn't have known what category this book was by reading the first paragraph. If I'm confused I generally pass. Most agents get so many queries they don't/won't/can't spend time trying to figure out what you're pitching.

 

You want to avoid that.

 

The way to avoid that is starting with the name of the main character and what problem has befallen them. 

 

If you think the way to avoid this is to put the category in the subject line, you're half right. If you said this was middle grade educational fiction in the subject line, I would have passed then.

 

 

Educational books are not trade books. They're acquired and sold much differently.

 

But this really isn't an educational book; it's a collection of stories (you say so below.)

 

Join the Pollywogs as they make their way through a series of adventures, blunders, and classroom lab activities as they learn the principles and concepts of ocean literacy. While learning about the ocean environment these new Pollywogs will dodge the Evil Dr. Debris, a giant squid, and toothy sharks! It will surely be a challenging year for these new ocean explorers as they encounter these and many other dangers along the way. While all of this is happening, the Pollywogs find clues to an ancient island puzzle saving Crustacean Island! Learning important life lessons as they go fishing with their minds, finding answers to their curious Crustacean questions in their first set of adventures.

 

There's no story here.

 

Middle grade books are story-driven.

 

If there's educational aspect, it should not the focus of the query or the book.

You should read this book cause you'll learn something is the kiss of death in a sales pitch —and not just for kids books.

The Pollywog Tails

Puns in the title can be a database nightmare.

Don't outsmart yourself here.

 

is a collection of watery modern adventures that is reminiscent of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea,

 

which was first published in 1869. Using it as a reference point misses the point of comps. You need current books.

 

It's also adult science fiction, and that's not what you're describing here (as far as I can tell.)

 

with a touch of The Magic School Bus

1986. Same problem.

 

 

woven throughout along with a kick of Kratts creatures.

 

I had to google this one, but again 1996 is before your target readers were born.

 

Effective comps share the specs of your book: what shelf it goes on in the bookstore, target audience, thematic elements. They're also recent, pubbed no earlier than 2018 and 2019 is better.

 

 Crustacean University is led by Dean Crusty, a tough ole’ crab, Scud his amphipod assistant along with the Professors that teach at Crustacean University. And don’t forget the Island’s resident Researcher’s,

 

it's plural, not possessive. Researchers. No apostrophe.

Yes, I notice that kind of things.

 

Sure typos happen but that's why you run this by Miss Picklepuss, the copy editor whose idea of a wild night is splitting infinitives after a brewsky or two.

Scuba Scooter and Surfer Joe, together with Molly who keeps track of everyone and everything.

 

Middle grade books need a middle grade protagonist.

They're often written in first person as well.

They need a plot: what dilemma does the main character face?

  

The Pollywog Tails, Ancient Secretes and the Mysterious Dead Zones is a mid-grade Educational Fiction Short Story series, where S.T.E.M/S.T.E.A.M concepts meet ocean literacy and is the first Pollywog installment of a planned series of five short-story themed volume sets that are based at Crustacean University. This first introductory set of adventurous tails reads in at 5 volumes varying between 14,00-40,000 words each volume.

 

I'm not sure you would know this but a series of books needs to have books that are roughly the same length. 40K is 3x as long as 14K.

 

And you query ONE book, ONE story at a time.

 

With the need for the understanding of ocean sciences and a basic introduction to S.T.E.M./S.T.E.A.M concepts, and nothing recent on the shelves

 

 

When a writer tells me there's nothing recent on the shelves, I ALWAYS go look for myself.

 

Here's a list of 15, and just about sharks.

https://bookriot.com/shark-books-for-kids/

 

About half of these are current enough to count as recent. 

 

This is where I'd stop reading the query. 

 

A lot of this is fixable, but not knowing your category is a deal breaker. It means you don't know what's fresh and new cause you don't know what's been done before

 

I have created Crustacean University—a magical campus where readers are introduced to these principles and ideas through creative storytelling.

 

You can't set a middle grade book at a university.

Middle grade kids want to read about kids like them, and that means middle school.

 

I have always had the ocean close to my heart, both as a child and as a sailor in the U.S. Navy. As an avid saltwater aquarist, I have written and published articles for the local aquarium societies and have made online contributions to Reef2Reef website as well. Thank you for taking an interest in the entertaining Pollywog Tails.



Enjoy!

 

You're not a server at Applebee's.

This is a business letter.

 

 

Close with Thank you for your time and consideration or something similar.

The closing isn't a deal breaker of course, but it's like shining your shoes for a job interview. You want to convey a business like demeanor.

 

 

I'm not sure how much current middle grade you've read.

I usually say you need to have read 100 books in your category before you should write a book, let alone query one.

 

That standard seems applicable here.

 

Middle grade needs a middle grade main character.

There needs to be ONE story per query.

 

That you envision this as a series is mentioned in the housekeeping section. 

 

 

Read more. A lot more.

Revise to tell us one story.

Resend.

 

 

Question

After reading the archives, banging my head on the wall of current comps, this is what I came up with. My biggest struggle has been the series in my head is one far reaching arc, with each novel containing its own smaller arc. Trying to pare that down into something manageable and interest grabbing without tangling delicate threads that weave and weft has been quite the challenge. I believe in this story, my question is; did I convince you to pick it up and be transported too?

 

Not yet, but that's the whole point of QueryShark. Revise till you get there!

Don't pare down the entire story, just focus on the start of the story.

 

Dear Query Shark,  

907 A.D. Britain is suffering birth pains of becoming a united land, divided into separate kingdoms, barely able to resist Danish assaults. Rhiannon, orphaned young during a savage incursion by the heathen Northmen was raised by a Viking warrior plagued by regret. Trained to be one of the best archers in the land, Rhiannon earns a name, The Northern Flame, 

 

I suggest adding The Northern Flame here, so that when you use it below, your reader is not confused about who you are talking about. 

and a vaunted place amongst King Anarawd ap Rhodri’s teulu, single-minded in her quest to avenge her parents.

 

 Ok, and?

What you need in a query is a sense of where the story is going. That's often shown by telling us what problem the main character faces.

Story is not events.

Story is NOT set up and background (what you have here).

 

Story starts with what problem does a character face, and what are her choices, and what's at stake.

How must she change/grow or what must she do to overcome that problem?

 

Rhiannon is a great archer.

She wants revenge for the slaughter of her parents.

What's the problem?

What are her choices?

What's at stake?

 

Mercia is ruled by King Alfred the Great’s daughter; the intrepid Aethelflaed, Lady of Mercia.

It took a minute to sort out the who and what here.

Let's revise:

 

The intrepid Aethelflaed, daughter of King Alfred the Great, rules Mercia.

 It's a tad awkward, but it's clear. Revise further as needed.

She is threatened on all sides by invasion on all sides: of —Danes and Norsemen intent on conquering everything in their path and subjugating her subjects.

 

subjugating her subjects is really awkward. You'll hear these things if you read your query aloud. 

Revise here for smoothness.

Hearing tales of The Northern Flame’s skill, she makes a deal with the Welsh king.

 

To do what?

Marry him?

Kill him?

Foist her mean sister off on him?

 

Commander Wulfric, a man haunted by the past, leads Lady Aethelflaed’s hearth-guard and is sent to retrieve the infamous archer. Opposed to bringing a foreigner to his land during these tumultuous times, yet unable to disobey his liege, he discovers a passionate woman who tests his patience and makes him question his vows to absolve his family’s name from the shadow of treason that cloaks him like a death shroud.

 

Rhiannon and Wulfric must find a way to trust each other before the Viking warlord, Ingimundr, lays siege to the burgh of Chester, annihilating the dream of a united country. They try and fail to resist their explosive passion while struggling to keep their sworn oaths of vengeance.

  

What makes this hard to read and absorb is you've got too much going on. For starters, you've got too many characters:

Rhiannon

King Anarawd

King Alfred the Great

Aethelflaed

Commander Wulfric

Ingimundr

 

Six named characters is three too many.

See below for notes on how to focus the query, but also get a sense of the series.

 

THE NORTHERN FLAME (122,000 words) is historical fiction that will appeal to fans of early medieval history like The Last Kingdom, by Bernard Cornwell

 

Was first published in 2006 so it's not an effective comp.

Effective comps are recent; pubbed in 2019 or later.

 

 

as well as sweeping historical romances such as Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon

 

First published in 1991, same problem

 

 along with strong female protagonists as in The Warrior Maiden, by Melanie Dickerson.

 

Pubbed in 2019, so that's ok, BUT take a look at the publisher: Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson publishes Christian fiction. Unless your novel is also Christian fiction (which I don't get the sense it is) you don't want to use this as a comp.

 

Your comps should be in the same category as your book. Christian fiction is a separate category.

 

THE NORTHERN FLAME can stand alone but I envision it as the start of a series.

 

Here's where you develop the series idea:

From above

Set in 907 A.D. Britain is suffering birth pains of becoming a united land, divided into separate kingdoms, barely able to resist Danish assaults.

develop this further of course.

 

New paragraph for bio.

 

I am a debut author, wife, stay-at-home mother working on my history degree, and wear so many hats I resemble the dog from Go Dog, Go! 

 

this is a terrific line. It gives your reader a sense of your wit.

 

 

New paragraph for pub credits.

My non-fiction essay, (Amazing) has been was published in the literary magazine (Woohoo!) winning and won 2^nd place for best prose.

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration,

 

 

As for getting the whole of the story line into the query, you can't.

 

What you can do though is give us the start of the story, and then sketch out the larger picture.

Using Game of Thrones as an example (cause almost everyone has read/seen it), Ned Stark has discovered the King is not the father of his children. When the King dies Ned is faced with the choice of staying silent while an illegitimate son ascends the throne, or going public and risking not just his life but those of his family.

That's the individual problem.

The thematic problem is who is entitled to rule.

You can get that on the page with meanwhile, or what he doesn't know.

Example:

Meanwhile, each of seven power hungry families is plotting to take the iron throne.

What none of them know is a pawn has just become a queen. And she has dragons.

 

We need plot and drama on the page to compel your reader to want more. 

 

Revise and resubmit.

 

 

 

 

Question: I’m a former Christian so I approached this work and pantheon with respect, but I also wanted to express the importance of separating church and state. From my understanding Christian Fiction has underlying themes/motifs relating to the faith. Christian Fiction isn’t my goal, I just wanted to bring what I know into the realm of spellswords and gunslingers. Do I need to state that this is not explicitly intended for Christians in my query? I don’t want to mislead anyone.

 

Dear Query Shark,

 

Jericho Brightbolt trudges into the withered husk of a town, weary from scavenging through the desert wasteland.

 

His search for food and water leads him directly into a demon ambush. The doors burst open around him and the street floods with the damned.

 

Jericho unleashes his astonishing speed as a storm disciple, brandishing his revolver and katana in a barrage of muzzle flashes and steel. 

 

You've got about 65 words here to set up the start of the story: Jericho has piqued the Devil's interest.

How much of this do you really need?

 

This isn't plot, and it's not character development. It's just set up. You only get 250-300 words in a query. You don't want to use 20-25% of them on set up?

 

Before the final demon is vanquished, Jericho discovers he’s piqued the Devil’s interest.

 

The Devil needs him brought to Hell in order to restore the Aether, something dismissed as an ancient myth.

 

It will help if we know what the Devil wants here. He wants Jericho to restore the Aether, got it, but what is Aether and why is Jericho the (only) guy who can restore it? What problem would that solve for him (the Devil)?

 

Jericho flees home to Nazareth in a desperate attempt to hide, a problem in itself. His face is peppered across the city on wanted posters for crimes he did not commit. 

 

I assume you chose Nazareth on purpose.

If you want to avoid the slings and arrows of outrage, consider using a different name for the town.

 

 

Lo and behold, Jericho finds his only ally in a mess of her own. Mason Earthbreaker is being forced out of active duty as a soldier and thrust into arranged marriage for child-bearing.

 

It’s wedlock in two days, or prison. She has devoted her life to combating the demons since she lost her brother to possession, and this is the thanks she gets.

 

Jericho sneaks in looking for Mason, and she does her best to shoulder his crisis while wrestling with exchanging her armor for a wedding ring.

 

I thought Jericho was already in Nazareth? And we already know Mason's predicament.

Now you have him sneaking in, looking for Mason; how does he know about her predicament?

 

In short form work like a query, unfolding the story in chronological order goes a long way to making the query easy to follow.

 

 

When the demons lay siege to the city in the hunt for Jericho, Mason straps on her cuirass in defiance and heads to the battlefield, wielding her titanic strength as a stone disciple.

wielding her titanic strength as a stone disciple is confusing. What is a stone disciple?

 

 You used storm disciple above in reference to Jericho, but right now we don't know what disciples are. You don't explain it till later in the query.

 

 

You can just cut the reference here and avoid the need to explain anything.

 

 

Wanted by both Nazareth and the horde befalling

 

befalling is probably the wrong word here. It generally means something bad about to happen. I think you mean here is closer to besieging. 

 

 its walls, Jericho must choose his fate - help Mason shield the very people who will execute him, or let the demons drag him to Hell for the mysterious Aether.

 

 The stakes here are pretty small: Jericho's fate.

 

DISCIPLES - PREY TO THE DEVIL (124,000 words)

 

124K can be an auto-pass even for fantasy. 120K is often cited as the top word count. 

 

 is the first Dark Fantasy in a planned series set ages after the apocalypse.

 

This is a nice place to put the world building, but it will also help if you have themes. What is the book exploring?

 

The few million humans left have become a superhuman species known as disciples, each born with one of seven distinct physiologies respective to the archangels. While they battle the wasteland’s monsters, they must also navigate the ruptured socioeconomic terrain left in the wake of the archaic belief system that supports Nazareth’s infrastructure. 

I have no idea what navigate the ruptured socioeconomic terrain means.

Plain writing in a query is essential. This is not some sort of treatise. It's a novel. Your reader should be able to picture what you mean in her mind. 

 

 

It’s reminiscent of GUNMETAL GODS by Zamil Akhtar

This book is self-published so it's not an effective comp. Comps need to be published by a trade publisher (small or large.)

 

 

with some MASTER OF SORROWS by Justin Travis Call.

Always include the author's name with the title of your comp. Titles aren't subject to copyright so more than one book can have the same title.

 

I’m a furnace operator who works seventy hours a week on third shift, and my wife and I just welcomed our first child into the world. Between working and spending time with my son, I plod about like something a necromancer summoned. But don’t worry, I’ve learned to write during between bouts of microsleep.

 

Thank you for your consideration,

 

I don't think you need to worry about this being mistaken for Christian fiction.

Christian fiction has very specific tropes, and this query doesn't refer to any of them.

And since you call it dark fantasy, an agent reading this will know you intend it for the secular market.

 

But the larger problem is that I don't see enough story on the page, or reference to enough story in the summation to support 120K words.

 

Right now you have one character driving the plot, and the big question is what will happen to him.

 120K words needs a more epic sweep. Not quite Game of Thrones size, but certainly something like Leviathan Wakes (189K). 

 

Here's the description of Leviathan Wakes from the publisher's website:

 

Humanity has colonized the solar system—Mars, the Moon, the Asteroid Belt and beyond—but the stars are still out of our reach.

Jim Holden is XO of an ice miner making runs from the rings of Saturn to the mining stations of the Belt. When he and his crew stumble upon a derelict ship, the Scopuli, they find themselves in possession of a secret they never wanted. A secret that someone is willing to kill for—and kill on a scale unfathomable to Jim and his crew. War is brewing in the system unless he can find out who left the ship and why.

Detective Miller is looking for a girl. One girl in a system of billions, but her parents have money and money talks. When the trail leads him to the Scopuli and rebel sympathizer Holden, he realizes that this girl may be the key to everything.

Holden and Miller must thread the needle between the Earth government, the Outer Planet revolutionaries, and secretive corporations—and the odds are against them. But out in the Belt, the rules are different, and one small ship can change the fate of the universe.

 

 Notice there are two main characters, and the stakes are much more than personal. It's a bigger story.

 

When an agent checks the word count in a query, it's not only to see if it's too long or too short.

It's to assess if there's enough story to support a large count, or if there's  not enough story in a short word count.

One of the biggest problems with high word counts is that it can signal writing that is repetitive or  glacially paced (every moment described.)

 

I'm absolutely willing to read a taut, tightly paced novel of 127K if there's enough story to warrant the word count.

 

So you need more story in the query, or a ruthless reduction in word count.

 Focus on conveying mental images to your reader. Plain writing is VERY difficult. 

 

 

 

REVISION #1

Dear Query Shark,

 

I am writing to you seeking representation for my 122,000-word adult fantasy novel THE CROSSOVER.

This is better than the 137K you had the first time, but paring down to under 120K is a good idea.

 

The last thing you want is an agent seeing the word count and swiping left without reading another word.

 

When ELENORE and BENAIAH

don't cap character names.

 

 inadvertently stumble across a portal to another world.

 Elenore just wants to gather evidence of their strange discovery to prove it to her university colleagues.

 

None of this matters, not really.

The story starts when they arrive in Swordlandia.

 

Let's refocus to make that clear.

 

Driven by her curiosity, she

 

 

Eleanora and Ben find a portal and of course, they want to see where it leads.

 

She leads Ben, her horse, and her dog through the portal.

Not to pick nits but did you notice the dog is never mentioned again?

Having your dog with you in a strange land would be comforting, no?

And does the dog get superpowers too?

 

 

They pop popping out in an entirely different universe.

 

This is a big moment in the query. Making it a separate short sentence gives it power and drama.

 

You want to stay in Elenore's point of view here, so let's revise this:

 

Two sword-bearing forces arrive with one obvious goal:

They're met by two, separate sword-bearing forces.

 

Let's add separate here so the reader doesn't think these are two platoons of the same company.

 

 

capture the strangers from another world.

We don't really need to know what the SBFs want. They're not the important antagonist.

 

 Elenore is captured by the king's brigade, and Ben is captured by the resistance movement. against the king.

Let your reader do some of the work here. If you say resistance movement, the reader will fill in that they're resisting the King. 

 

 

From their captors inform them that they learn that when they entered the portal, they passed through “the pathways” and  coming through the portal developed gave them abilities  that allow them to wield energy from the space between worlds.

 

Out of desperation to

Desperate to reunite and return home, Elenore and Ben accept separate, yet similar deals.

 

So, you learn you have superpowers. What's the first thing you want to do?

Give them up and go home?

Really?

 

Cause if you told me I had superpowers, I'd want to know what they were, and how I could use them to do fun stuff, like fly (Sharknado!), or eat ice cream without sacrificing my svelte sharkly silhouette, or get the world to quit using the phrase safety deposit box (it's safe deposit box, and yes this is a hill I will die on.)

 

 

But here you have her using her abilities (still unspecified) to do something that she doesn't have a stake in. Why would she do it?

 

When we're puzzled by why a character acts in what seems to be an illogical or unrealistic way, we're NOT engaged.  You want your readers to engage, to care what happens to Elenore (and the dog!!!)

 

Elenore agrees to use her new abilities to help the king recapture the same city where Ben is held, and Ben agrees to use his powers to aid in the movement  resistance and to dethrone the king who captured Elenore.

 

These two characters don't seem to have much depth or personality.

It's ESSENTIAL that your characters be interesting and right now they seem lacking in imagination or sense of adventure.

 

 As part of the deal, Elenore gains a vast understanding of the nature of time, reality, and mortality from the space between worlds.

 

Well, that's nice but what can she DO?

 

 Despite that knowledge, she doesn’t realize the danger they are in.

Of course not. What's the fun of that.

 

 

 

VICTORIA, Elenore’s mentor,

 

wait, what?
Who the heck is Victoria?

And WHERE is she? As in which side of the portal.

 

Introducing a main character this late in the game is confusing.

 

 

 

 

has no idea that she is fated to inadvertently catalyze the end of the universe, causing it to be wiped from existence layer by layer. 

 

Ho hum.

If a character is fated for something they don't have any choice in the matter.

The essence of a good story is what choices the characters face and what path they choose.

 

 

 

Ben’s captor, the leader of the resistance movement against the king, might be the only one with information on how to prevent the destruction of the universe and has no intentions of sharing it. Unaware of their larger role, Elenore and Ben are sure their hardships will come to an end if they can manage to avoid manipulation and survive long enough to see the deal through, but it is only a matter of time before Victoria finds a way to seize power from the king, setting the unraveling of the universe into motion.

 

Ok, who's the antagonist here?

 

You've got (as you did in the first version) too much going on.

You don't need as much world building as you think.

 

You need to focus on Elenore. She seems to be the main character.

What does she want?

Make sure what she wants makes sense to us the reader.

You're in an alien world with superpowers! What would you want to do?

 

Then give us a sense of the dilemma she faces

There must be some sort of conflict or there's no plot.

 

 

You do need more three-dimensional characters and we must have a better sense of choices and stakes.

 

 

 

The style, tone, and characters of THE CROSSOVER will appeal to readers of are most comparable to A.K. Larkwood’s The Unspoken Name meets and Matt Haig’s The Midnight Library.

 

 

Here's the description of The Unspoken Name

What if you knew how and when you will die?

Csorwe does—she will climb the mountain, enter the Shrine of the Unspoken, and gain the most honored title: sacrifice.

But on the day of her foretold death, a powerful mage offers her a new fate. Leave with him, and live. Turn away from her destiny and her god to become a thief, a spy, an assassin—the wizard's loyal sword. Topple an empire and help him reclaim his seat of power.

But Csorwe will soon learn—gods remember, and if you live long enough, all debts come due.

 

Notice there is almost NO world building.

There's one sentence of set up.

The choices the main character faces are clear, as are the stakes.

All in fewer than 100 words.

This is your goal.

 

You have 380 in the query.

 

It is intended to be the first installment of a series that I hope will span 3-5 books.

It can stand alone but I envision it as the start of a series

 

new paragraph for personalization

(Insert personalization here).

I am querying you because you like kale and I like rabbits (or whatever.)

 

 

Thank you for your consideration,

 

 

Focus.

Pare down the events and increase character development.

 

There are a million portal stories in my inbox.

Show me (don't tell me) how yours is better, faster, more enticing.

 

I'd start with the dog.

That's interesting.

 

Dogs? DOGS??

 

 

 

 

******

Initial query

Question/Concern:

I have been submitting queries to agents since May of 2022 and have only received kind rejections so far. I have decided to blame this on my query letter for now, and so I come to you with my struggle after reading the archives. I have a complex first installment of a fantasy series in progress, and it seems impossible to include the necessary information in a concise manner. I have left many important characters unmentioned, and I have failed to include the aspect of my plot that involves the protagonist's impending trek through the infinite layers of an infinite universe in a war of fate and freewill. In addition to that, I feel that some of the appealing aspects of my book, like the presence of ghosts and alternate timelines, alternating chapter perspectives, intricate arcs, and relatable societal problems can't be included without getting to a 1200 word query letter.

Dear Query Shark,

 

 I am writing to seek representation for THE CROSSOVER, which is a 137,000-word new adult, fantasy fiction novel.

 

For starters, your word count is high. 137K is an auto-pass for many agents.

Your category, new adult, is one that you might see referenced on Goodreads etc., but isn't all that useful for queries. New Adult started as a way to categorize books for readers above the YA age range (that tops out at 18.)

 

All too quickly it morphed into porn light. Think 50 Shades of Grey.

 

Now it's trying to make a comeback but in a query you want to use the most solid description you can. Your book is fantasy. You don't need to say fiction, cause fantasy is not non-fiction. (Current events not withstanding.)

 

And fiction novel is an instant pass for a lot of us.

 

So: The Crossover (137,000 words) is fantasy.

 

Except when you start with this, it just gives agents permission to pass without reading another word.  That's why I suggest you put this at the close of the query, NO MATTER WHAT.

 

 

(Personalize for agent here).

Personalization goes below as well. So many writers botch this up that it's just safer not to lead with it.

 

Comps go at the end too.

And you can NOT use Stephen King as a comp. He is in a category by himself. People read his books just cause he wrote them.  You don't have that advantage yet.

 

 

THE CROSSOVER is most comparable to Stephen King’s newest novel Fairy Tale mixed with Leigh Bardugo’s Shadow and Bone.

 

Shadow and Bone was first pubbed in 2013. It's too old to be an effective comp.

 

 

ELENORE (23), a curiosity-driven student of science,

This is not a police blotter, or a newspaper article. Don't put the ages in parenthesis.

 

and BENAIAH (Ben, 22), her grumbly companion with a heart of gold,

 

heart of gold is a cliche.

Agents are looking for things that are fresh and new.

 

 

inadvertently stumble across a portal to another world on their rental property in Indiana.

 

Elenore’s desire to prove their discovery compels them to enter the undulating void despite a vague, menacing message found graffitied on their wall promising death to Ben should they go.

 

What?

What does prove their discovery mean?

Also, try this without all the modifiers.

 

Elenore’s desire to prove their discovery compels them to enter the undulating void despite a vague, menacing message found graffitied on their wall promising death to Ben should they go.

 

A lot easier to understand without all the descriptors.

 

Over-modifying is a common flaw in early work.

Watch for it, and pluck out everything you don't need.

And you don't need anywhere near as much filigree as you think.

 

 

After entering the portal and becoming separated by the sword-bearing forces in the Kingdom of Corva, Elenore and Ben are informed that when they entered the portal, they passed through “the pathways” and developed abilities.

 

This sentence is 35 words long.

That means you've got too much information for your reader to readily absorb.

Short form work like a query usually means you want short sentences.

 

 

Other people have some abilities, but allegedly, none can wield the pathways like those that walk through time.

 

The construction of this sentence seems to convey that pathways walk through time.

My guess is that's not what you mean.

An easy fix is just to change out that for who.

Other people have some abilities, but allegedly, none can wield the pathways like those who walk through time.

According to the warring rulers, Elenore and Ben are potentially the most powerful in the kingdom. Out of desperation, Elenore and Ben accept similar deals by agreeing to help in the conflict that envelopes the kingdom in exchange for help returning home.

 

At this point I'm utterly befuddled.

 

Unbeknownst to Elenore, Victoria, her mentor and advisor to the misguided King Gael, has a vicious ambition to seize power. Despite the knowledge Elenore gains on her journey, she doesn’t realize the danger they are in. Opal, the scheming, untrustworthy leader of the resistance movement that captured Ben, is the only one who understands the extent of the danger they are in, and she intends to use the knowledge to bargain for her life when Elenore and the king invade the city she holds. Meanwhile, Victoria  has no idea her antagonistic actions will eventually lead to the collapse of the infinite layers in their cyclical universe. Even worse, Elenore, Ben, a dog, and several other friends are the only ones that stand a chance of altering fate enough to prevent it. They must decide between risking their lives for a foreign universe or living with the guilt of doing nothing to prevent its demise.

 

There's so much information here it's impossible to follow.

 

In a query you don't need anywhere near this much detail.

 What you need is:

What does the main character want?

What's blocking them from getting it?

What choices do they face?

What's at stake with those choices?

 

That's all you need.

 

 

I have been writing for as long as I can remember.

This may be true. It's not useful to say so in a query.

 

The ideas that shaped this novel often surfaced in the night, causing me to leap out of bed and take notes on a post-it stuck to a book next to my bed.

Also not useful in the query.

 

Now, as a 25-year-old high school English teacher with a Bachelor of Arts in English Education, I finally had the tools to sit down and finish it.

Also not useful

 

The manuscript is complete and ready for review.

I hope so, cause if you're querying an unfinished book, its an automatic pass.

In other words, no need to  state the obvious.

 

And review means something else. You're submitting your ms for consideration. But you still don't need to say so.

Agents do not generally care about how long you've loved to write or your process.

 

 I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my query,

Don't sound like I'm doing you a favor here.

I'm not.

I'm reading your query with the idea of becoming extremely wealthy by the sweat of your brow.

 

 

and I look forward to the possibility of hearing from you. 

Yea, my colleagues are notorious for no response means no which I find highly objectionable.

But let's not give them leave to do that by acknowledging it. Let them sauté in their own shame.

 

Thank you for your consideration, 

 

Unfortunately you've got a novel that has all the aspects of every other portal fantasy, and nothing that makes it distinctly your own.

 

That's the challenge to all writers. Fresh and new doesn't mean stories we've never seen. It means a different take or a different approach.

 

First Blood is essentially a fresh look at Beowulf.

Clueless is a new way to tell the story in Emma.

 

Every Jack Reacher novel is a Western, really: A stranger comes to town, shakes things up, then leaves.

A Western with no horses, no six-guns, no cattle rustlers. In other words, a fresh take.

 

So the problem here isn't the query. It's the novel.

Time to think about what you can change to put your own distinct spin on a portal fantasy.

 Think about what prompted you to write this. What do you want to say that hasn't been said before. 

As for your question: The problem is not lack of detail. It's too much detail. Agents don't expect to know everything about the book from the query. The query is the introduction, a brief taste of the meal that is the book.

You need to pare down here, but also figure out what makes your book distinctive, and get that on the page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Question/Concern

 

Regarding the acceptable word count of a query letter, the body of this letter is 250. I had other short versions (<200 words) but continued receiving form rejections from agents. I added more content to this letter to provide better story detail. Still, my concern is that the letter needs to be shorter, more enjoyable, or both. I don't know which.

 

Word count is a flexible target. You can go over the 250 target without worrying about some sort of auto-pass. Some queries need more words.  If you're over 400, that's when to sharpen your scissors. Anything under 250 runs the risk of not getting enough story on the page. 

 

BUT, word count isn't the issue with your query.

The issue is you don't have the story on the page.

 

Getting the story on the page means that after reading the query I should be able to tell you:

1. Who the main character is

2. What they want

3. What's getting in the way of getting what they want.

4. What's at stake if they don't get it. 

And I should be able to do this without needing to take notes. Remember, agents are NOT reading your query as though it's a text book. They're reading to get an idea of the story and your writing style.

A lot of detail, or too much abstraction stymies them.

Avoid that.

 

Dear Query Shark,

 

Meet Dr. Niklos Krylov, inventor of the Save-Transmit Machine (STM). With it, the world is forever changed... for the worse.

 

The excitement of the STM's debut 

What was STM designed to do? If there's excitement, your reader is led to believe it was something good.

 

quickly turns to horror when the machine unleashes identical hydrogen bombs in cities across the Earth. The event, known as the Trinity Attack, drives the world to anarchy. Nik, overcome with guilt and shame, retreats into hiding.

 

My hope is that Nik did not invent the STM machine in order to unleash hydrogen bombs.

What did he invent it for?

 

In other words, what did Nik want to do that was thwarted by the godawful results of his experiment?

 

But his concealment is short-lived. A slave-mining operation captures Nik and forces him to dig for the radioactive fuel that powers the STM.

 

Slave mining implies that the operation is mining for slaves.

I'm pretty sure that's not what you mean here.

 

What you mean is a mining operation that uses slaves to dig.  Revise this for clarity.

 

 

When a fellow prisoner's life is at risk, Nik's expertise as the STM's inventor is exposed. His captors issue a brutal ultimatum: reveal his identity or die in silence.

 

Ok, but why? What do the captors want that revealing his identity will get for them?

 

 

 

Nik surrenders to their whips, but a group of freedom fighters rescues him before he becomes another pawn in the STM-powered apocalypse.

 

What STM-powered apocalypse? You've told us that the world dissolved into anarchy when the STM unleashed hydrogen bombs. Is the machine still functioning? What is it doing? Who's got their foot on the metaphorical gas pedal?

 

 

With their help, Nik sets out on a journey of survival through the ruins of civilization and into the reaches of space. When he uncovers the origin of the Trinity Attack, Nik is shocked to learn a horrible secret. The STM was used to alter the human condition. 

 

Alter the human condition? That's too abstract to be useful. Specifics are very useful in a query.

 

Faced with moral and ethical dilemmas, Nik tries to right the wrongs of his past and end the destruction caused by the STM.

 

He can't end the destruction if it's already happened. He can either fix the destruction, or stop the destruction from continuing. 

 

So, who's the antagonist here?

Is it the STM machine, or the person who's operating it?

 

 

Comps go here

You should include 2-3 books that your intended readers will have read and liked. Comps need to be recent (pubbed no earlier than 2019); on your shelf (in this case SF); and pubbed by a trade house large or small (but not self-pubbed.) 

Bio goes here

It's useful to include a couple lines about you. It warms up the query. If you don't have any pub credits don't worry. Your bio is about you, not your work. Where you live; dogs/cats/dragons and other pets. That kind of thing.

 

Eschaton, an 87,000-word science-fiction thriller, explores the consequences of technological advancements gone wrong. It would be my debut novel,

 

One of the main requirements of a thriller is a ticking clock. That's not evident in your query. If it's NOT in the book, this isn't a thriller. That's ok. Just don't call it one if it isn't. 

and I would be grateful for the opportunity to bring this work to publication with you. 

 

 You are not a supplicant even if it feels that way sometimes.

You are providing an agent with the opportunity to sell your work and make some money. Be grateful when she does that. Right now just thank her for her time and consideration as you do next.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

  

It sounds like your story is: A machine goes haywire. Chaos ensues.

That's the concept for a gazillion movies, most of them based on books.

In other words, something that we've all seen a lot of.

Agents are looking for fresh and new.

That does NOT mean you can't have a machine going haywire and chaos ensues.

What it means is that you need your fresh take on this. You need distinctive characters that we're engaged with and care about. You want to tell us a story in a way that makes us see things in a new light. You have to elevate the category, not just add to it.

 

In other words, you gotta tell me what makes your book better and different.

And that's not by saying "my book is better and different."

You have to show it in the story you're enticing me to read.

So your revision is twofold: get the story on the page, and frame it in such a way that it feels fresh and new.

This is NOT an easy task. It's not a matter of changing up a few words here and there.

Good revising requires deep thinking.

 

Revision #1

 

 

Dear Query Shark:

 

Lily Carter has hid her singing voice away for years for fear of rejection.

Lily Carter has hidden, not hid.

 

These kinds of mistakes can fell your query before you know it.

If grammar and syntax aren't your forte, it's ok. It's not a sign of bad writing, or low character.

 

Just recognize that it's a stumbling block and make friends with Miss Picklepuss, the copy editor from hell. She'll help you remove these gremlins. It might cost some money, but this is something you do want to invest in.

 

Her best friend (now ex-best friend)

you don't need both of these.

Your reader will intuit that they were once best friends if she's now the ex-best friend.

 

Watch for this kind of over-writing.

 

 

made it clear she should never sing in public if she can help it.

Suggest taking this last part out just to give the sentence more drama.

 

So Lily sings only when she's sure no one else can hear her. Imagine her embarrassment when the new kid in town catches her in the act.

 

Imagine her embarrassment takes us out of the narrative.

You're telling, not showing.

 

Avoid that.

 

She's embarrassed.

 

But embarrassed is such a tepid word for the plot point that's driving the narrative.

Here's a good place to get out the Thesaurus and dig around for more vivid words.

 

mortified

humiliated

(and there are others, take your pick)

 

Already at odds with Jack Sutton after an encounter with him at school, Lily expects nothing but scorn from him.

Again, pare out what you don't need.

This is the meat and tater tots of revising. Early drafts are almost always too long. Pare out everything you don't need.

 

But instead of making fun of her, he compliments her, throwing all her preconceived notions about what a terrible singer she is into question. 

It's NOT a preconceived notion, is it? It's what someone told her (someone with some sort of malevolent agenda it sounds like.)

 

Internal conflicts in a query are huge red flag. It tells me you don't have a handle on the plot, and the full manuscript may not hold together very well. Again, here's where Miss Picklepuss can be of great value.

 

 

Suddenly, the aggravating yet undeniably charming Jack keeps is popping up all over the place. At school, at church, and then there’s the real icing on the cake. It turns out that Jack is the brother of her new best friend.

Do we need to know any of this?

 

This next sentence connects to the previous one more directly.

 

With a musical background himself and a dogged belief that Lily has talent, Jack makes it his mission to get Lily back on the horse. Or the stage, so to speak.

 

Consider:

Jack has a musical background himself, and seems to think Lily has talent.

He makes it his mission to get Lily back on stage.

 

There's a LOT to be said for starting your sentences with the subject, not burying it in a clause.

 

 

 

 

 

As Lily spends more time with Jack and his spirited sister Cat, a self-consciousness Lily didn't even realize she had developed begins to mend.

She didn't realize she was self-conscious about her singing?

Are you serious here? That just doesn't make sense unless Lily is blindingly un-self aware.

She's literally stopped singing outside of the shower.

 

She even gets up the courage to enter the high school talent show thanks to a little prodding from Jack and his agreement to help her prepare for the show. When Jack starts giving her singing lessons, Lily slowly begins believing in herself again.  

 

But Lily has a few obstacles to overcome. Like that pesky stage fright thing. Or the ex-best friend who unexpectedly resurfaces and tries to sabotage Lily’s chances. Or the growing feelings she’s developing for her best friend’s brother. Lily must rely on her friends, her family, and her new-found confidence in order to get ready for talent show day.

 

You've got a lot of stuff going on here, but not very much plot.

What's the problem here?

Lily has been told she shouldn't sing in public.

What problem does that create?

Then Jack comes along and tells her she does have a singing voice.

 

What problem does that solve?

 

TAKE A DEEP BREATH is a young adult novel complete at 60,000 words

You don't need to say it's complete.

That's assumed.

 

And this just doesn't feel YA to me. There's no sense of Lily or Jack learning to navigate in the real world. There's no real romantic element.

 

 

 

that portrays the sarcastic, yet vulnerable Lily along with her lovable family and kindhearted friends.

Sarcastic?

Not in these pages she isn't.

 

 

 

A story of personal growth with a touch of romance, this novel is similar to Maybe This Time by Kasie West or Eyes on Me by Rachel Harris.

 

I am a small town Minnesota gal, where a person can go from wearing a sweatshirt and wool socks one day to a tank top and sandals the next. This is my first novel.

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

 

you've got a lot of concept but not enough story.

You need more plot on the page. The problem Lily faces, and the choices to solve, and what's at stake.

 

It will help if we see those things for Jack too.

 

You've only got 60K here so you've a got a LOT of room to add more depth.

 

 

 

******

Original query

This query is a completely revised one from the one I started with as that one got me a couple of partial requests, but nothing serious. Now, since I've started using this query, I haven't even gotten a nibble. 

In the first  53 words you have two problems that could lead to an immediate pass.

While agents aren't actively looking for reasons to pass if you give them two in short order, that's what's going to happen.

 

My first query was succinct but a bit commercial in my opinion. So I tried to offer a quirkier approach with this one.

 

 

 A bit commercial isn't a bad thing. Agents are looking for things they can sell (ie commercial).

 I did beef up my bio after reading your archives. 

141 words is about 100 too many. See notes below. An extensive bio doesn't make up for problems in the query so lets focus on that.

You also stated in the archives that queries should have at least 2 comps. Is it okay to comp an author instead like I did?  

 No, see notes below

 

 

Dear Query Shark:

People are creatures of habit. They take the same route to school every day, they buy the same brand of soap they always do, and they listen to the same radio station, day in and day out. And they also sit at the same school desk every morning in first period English class.

 

When I read this, I have no idea if you're querying for fiction or non-fiction.

That's a big problem when agents are getting dozens of queries a week.

Big problem = pass.

It's more effective to start with the character's name and what problem she faces

 

At least, that’s what Lily Carter used to do.

 

Consider instead:

People are creatures of habit.

Lily Carter is a creature of habit.

 

They take the same route to school every day, they buy the same brand of soap they always do, and they listen to the same radio station, day in and day out.

 

She takes the same route to school every day, buys the same brand of soap, listens to the same radio station, day in and day you.

 

 

 And they also sit at the same school desk every morning in first period English class.

And sit at the same desk every morning in first period English.

 

 

But when you revise like this the real problem becomes very clear.

You're describing someone who doesn't sound very interesting. In fact, she sounds dull as dishwater.

That's DEATH in a query, particularly in YA.

Death = pass.

 

Now, if there's a reason Lily is so methodical in her daily life, that would give her some depth.

Is this how she feels safe?

Did she read Gustave Flaubert and take his advice to heart: "Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work."

Let's give Lily some context here.

 

 

 Until Jack Sutton just waltzed in and stole it right out from under her. The gentlemanly thing to do would have been to give it back. Instead, he refused to acknowledge her rightful claim of dibs and in the process managed to ruffle her feathers, push her buttons, flip her lid, and get her goat. If you know what I mean.

 

Because he sat in her chair?

Does this seem like a very intense reaction to something that's essentially not important?  It's not like he said her mum wears army boots.

 

So, Jack is the last person on earth that Lily wants witnessing her humiliating attempt at singing.

 

There's no connection here between Jack stealing her seat in English class and witnessing her humiliating attempt at singing.

 

How is it that Jack is in her life at all?

 

 

Lily has been very careful to keep her voice under wraps after receiving rejection at the hands of a close friend.

What was Lily trying to do that a close friend rejected her?

Specifics are much more compelling than generalities.

You don't want to be awash in too much detail, but you need more than you have here.

 

Surprisingly though, Jack challenges her belief of mediocrity. 

What he actually does is challenge her belief that her singing is mediocre.

You need razor sharp, precise sentences in a query.

 

He actually begins to make her question a lot of things. Like the idea that the talent show is out of her league. Maybe, it's not. Maybe, she could even win it.

 

Although there is the small matter of that pesky stage fright thing…

So far, there's nothing interesting about Lily, and she sounds rather like a basket case. This is a HUGE problem in YA that is character driven.

 

As Lily gets closer to Jack and his spirited sister Cat, a self-consciousness Lily didn't even realize she had developed begins to mend. Thanks to a little prodding from her new friends, Lily signs up for the talent show. 

 What does Jack see in Lily that he's investing time and emotional support in her?

But someone from Lily's past is determined to see her fail. 

This is absolutely out of left field. With no context it's like a big ink blot on the page.

Let's give the antagonist some more page time.

 

Lily must rely on her friends, her family, and her new-found confidence in order to overcome the obstacles in her way. 

What obstacles? I thought there was an antagonist trying to thwart her.

 

 

Take a Deep Breath is a young adult novel complete at 60,000 words that portrays the sarcastic, yet vulnerable Lily along with her lovable family and kindhearted friends. A story of personal growth with a touch of romance, this novel will appeal to fans of Kasie West.

You need to use titles, not authors. Those titles need to be recent, no earlier than 2019.

 

Your bio is 141 words. Given a query should be 250-300 you've spent a larger percentage of your word count on your bio and not your book.

 

I am a small town Minnesota gal, where a person can go from wearing a sweatshirt and wool socks one day to a t-shirt and sandals the next. With a penchant for staying in every night with my two cats and a DVD collection to rival a Blockbuster store (are there any of those in existence anymore?) one might be tempted to call me an introvert. If it weren't for my extroverted husband, I just might be. Kudos to him for getting me out of my comfort zone and making friends with the outside world. Who knew I would enjoy things like pickleball and Korean BBQ? (not at the same time, for heaven's sake). This is my first novel and

 

 

 I'm looking to team up with an agent who can help an eager, wide-eyed newcomer navigate the ropes of the literary world.

 

This kind of statement is counter-productive.

Agents see this as code for needy and naive.  Even if you are these things, they're not something you'd put in your bio.  Remember a query is also about the agent assessing if you're someone they want to work with. Someone who clearly will need a lot of hand holding is less likely to get a nod. Just leave this kind of statement out.

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

 

 

This does not have enough edge to be YA.

It sounds middle grade to me.

 

There's no sense of Lily coming to terms with the larger world, or figuring out her place in it.

It's all character development and very light on plot.

 

There's not enough story on the page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've been querying agents for the last 6-months and have over 50 rejections. I'm not sure if my novel isn't very interesting/sellable or if my query letter is the problem. After reading the archives on your site, I did a total rework and would appreciate any feedback!

 

 

Dear QueryShark,

 

There are stories that never get told, but need to be. TITLE, a 92.000 upmarket women’s historical fiction tells the remarkably true stories of three generations of Italian women as they face World War II, the Fascist Movement, immigration, unexpected pregnancies, and a global pandemic. Challenging societal expectations, they experience the love, loss, and yearning for better that binds us all across generations.

 

Are you thinking this is a hook?

(it's not)

It's more like the start of a book review.

 

An effective hook gives us a sense of the problem that drives the book.

 

Here's the hook for All Roads Lead Me Back to You by Kennedy Foster

 

Hard-working, no frills Alice Andison barely scrapes by after her father's death when Domingo Rolodan, an undocumented Mexican horse and cattle man, knight in shining saddle, arrives to not only save her father's legacy but win Alice's heart if he can just steer clear of the oppressive clutches of the increasingly gestapo-like modern INS.

See the difference?

The characters have an emotional component and we see what problem they face.

 

Vittoria was born in a small town in Northern Italy in 1914. Growing up in the absolute poverty of a war torn country, she longs for better and isn’t afraid to take on anyone, even Mussolini himself to find it. But challenging societal norms takes unexpected turns and soon she finds herself with the broken promise of a soldier, a growing belly, and no ring.

 

Anna was born an illegitimate child amidst the height of World War II. Distrustful of men, yet always seeking their attention, she solicits the attention of the boy next door– the one with big dreams, who soon leaves for Canada, asking Anna to join him. She sees a chance for a new land, a new start, a new life. Who needs love when you have an opportunity?

 

Grace was born the child of immigrants. Trying to make something of herself, she is tired of trying and quitting a million things – including relationships. No sooner does she commit to completing her master’s degree, then she meets Jax, and everything comes together and falls apart. Suddenly, there are too many choices and one big question: How does one define “better”?

 

You've introduced three characters here, but there's no plot.

Plot isn't what happens. It's not the events of the book.

Plot is choices the characters face and what's at stake with those choices.

 You must have plot in a query, even if you're querying a character-driven book.

 

You also don't tell us how these women are connected. (Are they?)

Three generations makes me think they're related to each other, but that's not obvious from the query.

 

Also, by introducing all three characters equally, you can't focus on the start of the story.

 

If the story begins with Vittoria, let's give her more page time. If the story starts with one of the other two, lead with her, give her more page time.

 

You have a limited amount of space here to engage your reader. Focus on how the story starts.

 

 Vittoria (or whomever) wants to (what?)

BUT, (problem) prevents her.

Now she must (choose a path.)

Get that on the page first.

Then show how the characters are linked.

You do NOT need the details of  Anna and Grace, unless one of them is the main character, not Vittoria.

 

TITLE would be the love child of

Resist the urge to be clever with comps.

Just say your book will appeal to readers who liked:

 

Sisters in Arms by Kaia Alderson,

 

Untamed by Glennon Doyle,

This is a memoir. Don't use NF as a comp for a novel, even historical fiction.

 

 

What We Carry: A Memoir by Maya Shanbhag Lang,

also a memoir

 

 

and The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah.

This was pubbed in 2017 so it's too old to be an effective comp.

 

If you take a look at the Amazon description of Sisters in Arms by Kaia Alderson, you'll see there is conflict and tension (which is what you need in the query)

 

Grace Steele and Eliza Jones may be from completely different backgrounds, but when it comes to the army, specifically the Women’s Army Auxiliary Corps (WAAC), they are both starting from the same level. Not only will they be among the first class of female officers the army has even seen, they are also the first Black women allowed to serve.

 

As these courageous women help to form the 6888^th Central Postal Directory Battalion, they are dealing with more than just army bureaucracy—everyone is determined to see this experiment fail. For two northern women, learning to navigate their way through the segregated army may be tougher than boot camp. Grace and Eliza know that there is no room for error; they must be more perfect than everyone else.

 

When they finally make it overseas, to England and then France, Grace and Eliza will at last be able to do their parts for the country they love, whatever the risk to themselves.

 

 

 

A melding of immigration, identity,

 

I have my master’s in English with an emphasis in Technical Writing, and currently work as a content creator and SEO specialist. When I’m not working or writing you can find me reading a million children’s books to my one and two year old sons (or removing whatever object they’ve found to turn into a sword). I’m passionate about telling untold stories in literature, the stories that make us feel like we aren’t alone.

 

[INSERT PERSONAL DETAIL].

I am querying you because (whatever).

 

 Thank you for your time and consideration of my submission.

 

Best regards,

You only need one closing.

 

 

 

 

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Very excited for San Diego Comic-Con!!! Here's my full schedule. Hope to see you there!

 Had an amazing time at San Diego Comic-Con!!! 

I'm off to Glasgow, Scotland, later this week for Worldcon (the World Science Fiction Convention)! Very excited!!! Here's my full schedule. Hope to see you there! 

I had such a fantastic time at Worldcon 2024 in Glasgow!!!

OMG, it happened AGAIN!!! THE SPELLSHOP hit the NYT Bestseller List for the 4th time! At #13 this week! And hit the USA Today list for the 5th week in a row! Thank you all so much for making my dreams come true over and over and over and over again!!!

https://www.nytimes.com/books/best-sellers/2024/08/25/hardcover-fiction/

This weekend is StoryFest 2024!!! This will be my first time at this literary festival, and I'm so excited! 

I'll be on the "Dangerous Visions: Dreams Across Universes" panel on Saturday (9/21/24) at 10am with Jedidiah Berry, P. Djeli Clark, Sarah Beth Durst (me!), Christopher Golden, Peng Shepherd, and GennaRose Nethercott. The panel will be followed by a signing.

If you're near the Westport Library in CT, I hope you'll join us! 

https://westportlibrary.org/storyfest-2024/