I’m permanently estranged from my family.
Here’s what cats and dogs have taught me. by Lindsay Costello

From etymonline.com: estrange (v.) late 15c., from French estrangier “to alienate,” from Vulgar Latin *extraneare “to treat as a stranger,” from Latin extraneus “foreign, from without” (see strange). 

I am strange, I am alien, I am a stranger, I am without. Or maybe my family is. It’s difficult to say. Since 2019, I’ve been estranged from my entire family. I won’t bore (or titillate) you with the details of my decision to distance myself from them, but visualize a constellation of generational traumas—nearly every type represented—and you’ll have a general idea. Estrangement is, as the literature says, a last resort. It’s the truth. I never wanted this, but now I’m freer for it.

On most days, the peace of estrangement is one of the most powerful presences in my life. But during the chaotic final months of the year, it begins to feel like a gargantuan gaping wound that anyone—friends, coworkers, baristas—might spot if I’m not careful. People tend to flip out, or at least stare a little, when they see a gargantuan gaping wound. 

So I don’t discuss it. I listen intently as those around me describe their family’s political beliefs and their dad’s rude comments and their brother’s whatever-what-have-you and I share little in response. I frown. I say, “Ugh, that sucks.” And I do mean it.

My experience always feels different, though. For one thing, my calendar is suspiciously open during the holidays. This serves an interesting and unexpected purpose: As those around me saddle up for travel, family dinners, and gift exchanges, I’m available for pet sitting. The texts roll in.

Yes, I sometimes feel a knee-jerk sting when this happens, in the way that we all have those insidious automatic thoughts that have squished around in our brains for years or decades. You know the ones. Therapists and Instagram graphics attempt to unpack them with counter-thoughts: I am worthy. I am enough. And so on. But those few tenacious thoughts remain. The neurons fire and wire. Mine are:

I don’t have a family. Everyone else does, except me.

When I type that out, there is no resentment, just layers of sadness buried in a cavity that my partner Jeremy and my cat Spaghetti still can’t fill. Intellectually, I know these thoughts aren’t true. Many people are estranged from their families, and I do have a “chosen family”—I have Jeremy! Spaghetti! A small circle of friends! But without any biological family members in my life, there’s still a sharp loneliness, pointed and pronounced, that never goes away. The edges of it become crisper during the holidays. 

Back to the petsitting, though. Over time, I’ve noticed that the animals I form bonds with might also have something to teach me about navigating estrangement. (For the record, I’m not a mental health professional. But stay with me here.)

My first Christmas pet sitting charge was Fiddle, a large and docile orange man whose primordial pouch swayed like a porch swing as he strode aimlessly across the house. From Fiddle, I gleaned the first of many lessons on connection and self-preservation.

1. Don’t google your parents. (Or your sister, or your ex, or whoever it is you’ve made a concerted effort to get away from.) 

a. Animals can’t google, especially sweet, simple-minded angels like Fiddle. This one is a no-brainer. Googling your parents, who will, undoubtedly, still have no internet presence, is the quickest ticket to a night-long spiral. Plus, there are few things on this planet more depressing than searching online for your deadbeat dad’s handyman business. Don’t do it.

Then came Frank, a dapple dachshund with dark eyes and ears that flapped out like soft wings when he flopped over on his back in the living room. Frank is a snuggly dog who asks that one hand be petting him at all times. He also likes to wake with the sunrise.

2. Make your own rituals and stick to them with dogged (ugh) determination.

a. One year, curled up in a pit of sadness, I asked an estrangement-related subreddit for advice on what to do during the holidays. I feel for you, elderberry42289, some kind soul wrote. I recommend finding a routine and sticking to that for your sanity. Also, could you come up with something cool to do every holiday season? Something all your own?

b. This message was reaffirmed by Frank, who sticks to his rituals and appreciates all the sensory pleasures life has to offer. If Frank were a human, I think he would take himself to the movies and a fancy dinner every Christmas day.

Before I met Dorothy, I thought I’d experienced the full spectrum of anger, marinating in all the emotion had to offer. This was not true. Dorothy’s capacity for disdain topped anything I’d ever felt before. She is a one-eared cat who hisses at nothing—the television, my hand in a bag of chips, the sky. She is also dark and slinky, making her contemptuous behavior seem kind of cool.

3. Go outside. 

a. I knew better than to argue with Dorothy, who insisted upon patrolling the outside world despite hostile forces like coyotes and cars in the neighborhood. And so out she went, and came back, still intact (minus the missing ear). 

b. Unfortunately, the news is true. Going for a walk (or even, like, to the mailbox) helps when those insidious automatic thoughts start to conspire against you. Just do it, you’ll be fine.

Here’s a lesson I’ve taken from every pet I’ve cared for:

4. Eat whatever the fuck you want. 

a. You’re (probably) not a licensed nutritionist, you’re someone with family trauma who is attempting to navigate the holiday season. Eating whatever, whenever, is clearly what dogs dream of. You are not a dog. You are an adult with some funds and a ride to Safeway. Act accordingly.

And finally,

5. Make sure that you aren’t alone. Alternate strategy: believe that you’re not alone.

In a season that emphasizes togetherness and companionship, I am one person musing on the tiny universes of cats and dogs. Maybe these reflections seem a little trite, even pathetic. But I don’t think that they are. 

The entire objective of pet sitting is to care for small guys who cannot care for themselves. Central to that relationship is an applicable truth: When I am experiencing something emotionally traumatic, I can treat myself with special attention, too. 

Sometimes that means asking for help or camaraderie. But maybe I am not in the mood to be social. Maybe I’m having a Dorothy day. That’s fine—because even when I’m isolated and furious and sad, I’m not alone. Not really. Embedded in that core belief is every creature that’s trusted me.

A baker’s dozen is a familiar expression that has been around for generations and even centuries. Why has the baker’s dozen continued on as a perpetual phrase? For ideas, products, even industries to perpetuate, they must connect to a sense of truth or emotional certainty. There are two values the baker’s dozen phrase aligns with, no matter what the conception. Those two values are integrity and generosity.

Nearly four years after the economic downturn, many Americans are still keeping a tight rein on their expenditures, monitoring how much they spend on essentials, including groceries, and nonessentials, such as eating out. Not surprisingly, many food manufacturers and restaurants have been impacted by this new-found consumer frugality, prompting the former to trim unprofitable items from their product lines and the latter to add more specials to their menus.

San Francisco-based IT company, Zendesk, is expanding its operations in Melbourne to take advantage of Victoria’s strong information technology skills base. “Our head of product and engineering says Melbourne is the best place for us to hire right now because of the combination of expectations, talent and production,” said Mikkel Svane, co-founder and chief executive of US-based Zendesk.

Event Begins: Thursday, November 14, 2024 8:00pm
Location: Couzens HALL
Organized By: Sessions @ Michigan

In May 2014, the American Frozen Food Institute (AFFI), McLean, Va., launched a national effort to encourage consumers to take a fresh look at frozen foods.

OSCE Chairperson-in-Office and German Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier visited Tirana on 14 June 2016, where he expressed the OSCE’s commitment to a long-term partnership and support for Albania’s institutions and its citizens.

“The Presence is doing good work and has our full support,” said Steinmeier. He also thanked the Presence for the good co-operation with the Albanian authorities.

Steinmeier met the Acting Head of the OSCE Presence in Albania, Robert Wilton.

Wilton thanked Steinmeier for the German OSCE Chairmanship’s leadership in regional co-operation, dialogue, youth and tackling transnational threats. “There is still essential OSCE work to be done together with our partners in Albania to achieve our common vision for collective security, fully-functioning democracy and the respect for fundamental human rights. The OSCE Presence and Albania are moving forwards together.”

During his visit Steinmeier met Prime Minister Edi Rama, Foreign Minister Ditmir Bushati, and opposition Democratic Party Chair Lulzim Basha. He also had a meeting with students of the Tirana University.

The OSCE Presence works very closely with partner institutions in Albania, to support activities in a variety of areas including border management, more efficient courtrooms, modern and internationally-compatible policing, and a stronger relationship between active citizens and their democratic institutions.

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ZentrumHub and Mize Unite to Revolutionize Online Travel Agencies through Advanced Technology Integration  Business Wire

Dozens of buildings destroyed in Zaporizhzhia after Russian strike

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Actor Josh Gad, who is set to reprise his role as Olaf in Disney's upcoming Frozen 3, has smeared the incoming Trump administration as Nazis -- naturally using a musical theater analogy involving "Springtime for Hitler" from The Producers.

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Samsung выпустила обновление Tizen 8 с темой One UI для смарттелевизоров 2023 года в Европе. Ранее эта прошивка уже появилась в Индии, Великобритании и Канаде.

This week on the podcast we go over our reviews of the of the Corsair iCUE LINK 3500X RGB Case, ASUS ProArt LC 360 Liquid CPU Cooler, and Crucial Pro Overclocking Edition DDR5-6400 32GB Memory Kit. We also discuss the Ryzen 7 9800X3D completely selling out, Intel promising a "fix" for Arrow Lake, new Ryzen AI 365 / HX 370 performance, a stretchable display and more!

The post ThinkComputers Podcast #427 – Ryzen 7 9800X3D Sells Out, ProArt AiO, Arrow Lake Fix & More! appeared first on ThinkComputers.org.

For the first time, researchers were able to see inside the mummies in the Chicago Field Museum's collections. Their findings paint a more comprehensive picture of ancient Egyptian life

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The actress assured fans that Season 3 is still on track to begin filming in January 2025Zendaya is setting the record straight after claims surfaced suggesting she was behind the long delays for Euphoria’s highly anticipated third season. In a November 13th interview with Vanity Fair, the...

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As voting for the first phase of the Jharkhand Assembly elections covering 43 seats began at 7 A.M. on Wednesday, several prominent figures, political leaders, and candidates were among the early voters at their respective booths, stressing upon the importance of fulfilling one's duty.

India's Ayushman Bharat Pradhan Mantri Jan Arogya Yojana (AB-PMJAY) has enrolled over five lakh senior citizens, providing free health coverage. The Ayushman Vaya Vandana Card offers an individual health cover of ₹5 lakh per year, benefiting around 6 crore individuals across 4.5 crore families.

Navjot Singh Sidhu's return on The Great Indian Kapil Show is expected to ruffle some feathers.

Speaking about the box-office clash, Bhushan Kumar said, "I am extremely happy for the love our film 'Bhool Bhulaiyaa 3' is receiving from the audience. It's been only a few days since the film hit the theatres and it has already done great business...Ya, I do feel the clash between (Bhool Bhulaiyaa 3 and Singham Again)"

The clip also shows Anant Ambani, who is standing next to her, is also seen smiling, amused by the whole interaction. At one point, she turns to him, as if to seek help, but he smiles and tells her to keep trying again.

Președintele ales Donald Trump a surprins observatorii politici marți seară prin nominalizarea prezentatorului Fox News, Pete Hegseth, pentru funcția de secretar al apărării. „Pete și-a petrecut întreaga viață ca un războinic pentru trupele noastre și pentru țară,” a declarat Trump într-un comunicat. „Pete este dur, inteligent și un adevărat susținător al politicii America First. Cu ...

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Iran’s state media say authorities have executed in public a man convicted of raping dozens of women over two decades

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Expanding its Zenfone 3 series, Taiwanese giant ASUS on Wednesday launched two variants of Zenfone 3 Max smartphone with a massive 4,100 mAh battery in India.

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Major Australian outlets like Fox and The Daily Telegraph ran articles on Kohli, who was arriving for the Border Gavaskar Trophy, with special mention of his cultural significance and even added Hindi and Punjabi elements

Der Herbst ist die Zeit der Veränderungen – und Stauden im Herbst helfen beim Übergang: Der Sommer ist vorbei, die Blätter verfärben sich und der Garten bereitet sich langsam auf die Winterpause vor. Vorher erstrahlen jedoch die Herbstblüher, allen voran […]

Stauden im Herbst pflanzen auf Gartentechnik.de

Heckenpflanzen schützen nicht nur vor Blicken und Eindringlingen: sie halten den Wind ab und geben den Blüten im Garten eine Kulisse. Die grünen Wände haben viele Vorteile und im Herbst ist die ideale Pflanzzeit. Bei der Auswahl gibt es Einiges […]

Heckenpflanzen: im Herbst pflanzen auf Gartentechnik.de

Priesthood: In 361 Gregory returned to Nazianzus and was ordained a presbyter by his father, who wanted him to assist with caring for local Christians. The younger Gregory, who had been considering a monastic existence, resented his father's decision to force him to choose between priestly services and a solitary existence, calling it an "act of tyranny". Leaving home after a few days, he met his friend Basil at Annesoi, where the two lived as ascetics. However, Basil urged him to return home to assist his father, which he did for the next year. Arriving at Nazianzus, Gregory found the local Christian community split by theological differences and his father accused of heresy by local monks. Gregory helped to heal the division through a combination of personal diplomacy and oratory. By this time Emperor Julian had publicly declared himself in opposition to Christianity. In response to the emperor's rejection of the Christian faith, Gregory composed his Invectives Against Julian between 362 and 363. Invectives asserts that Christianity will overcome imperfect rulers such as Julian through love and patience. This process as described by Gregory is the public manifestation of the process of deification (theosis), which leads to a spiritual elevation and mystical union with God. Julian resolved, in late 362, to vigorously prosecute Gregory and his other Christian critics; however, the emperor perished the following year during a campaign against the Persians. With the death of the emperor, Gregory and the Eastern churches were no longer under the threat of persecution, as the new emperor Jovian was an avowed Christian and supporter of the church. Gregory spent the next few years combating Arianism, which threatened to divide the region of Cappadocia. In this tense environment, Gregory interceded on behalf of his friend Basil with Bishop Eusebius of Caesarea (Maritima). The two friends then entered a period of close fraternal cooperation as they participated in a great rhetorical contest of the Caesarean church precipitated by the arrival of accomplished Arian theologians and rhetors. In the subsequent public debates, presided over by agents of the Emperor Valens, Gregory and Basil emerged triumphant. This success confirmed for both Gregory and Basil that their futures lay in administration of the Church. Basil, who had long displayed inclinations to the episcopacy, was elected bishop of the see of Caesarea in Cappadocia in 370. -- Gregory at Constantinople: Emperor Valens died in 378. The accession of Theodosius I, a steadfast supporter of Nicene orthodoxy, was good news to those who wished to purge Constantinople of Arian and Apollinarian domination. The exiled Nicene party gradually returned to the city. From his deathbed, Basil reminded them of Gregory's capabilities and likely recommended his friend to champion the trinitarian cause in Constantinople. In 379, the Antioch synod and its archbishop, Meletios, asked Gregory to go to Constantinople to lead a theological campaign to win over that city to Nicene orthodoxy. After much hesitation, Gregory agreed. His cousin Theodosia offered him a villa for his residence; Gregory immediately transformed much of it into a church, naming it Anastasia, "a scene for the resurrection of the faith". From this little chapel he delivered five powerful discourses on Nicene doctrine, explaining the nature of the Trinity and the unity of the Godhead. Refuting the Eunomion denial of the Holy Spirit's divinity, Gregory offered this argument: "Look at these facts: Christ is born, the Holy Spirit is His Forerunner. Christ is baptized, the Spirit bears witness to this… Christ works miracles, the Spirit accompanies them. Christ ascends, the Spirit takes His place. What great things are there in the idea of God which are not in His power? What titles appertaining to God do not apply also to Him, except for Unbegotten and Begotten? I tremble when I think of such an abundance of titles, and how many Names they blaspheme, those who revolt against the Spirit!" -- Gregory's homilies were well-received and attracted ever-growing crowds to Anastasia. Fearing his popularity, his opponents decided to strike. On the vigil of Easter in 379, an Arian mob burst into his church during worship services, wounding Gregory and killing another bishop. Escaping the mob, Gregory next found himself betrayed by his erstwhile friend, the philosopher Maximus the Cynic. Maximus, who was in secret alliance with Peter, bishop of Alexandria, attempted to seize Gregory's position and have himself ordained bishop of Constantinople. Shocked, Gregory decided to resign his office, but the faction faithful to him induced him to stay and ejected Maximus. However, the episode left him embarrassed and exposed him to criticism as a provincial simpleton unable to cope with intrigues of the imperial city. Affairs in Constantinople remained confused as Gregory's position was still unofficial and Arian priests occupied many important churches. The arrival of the emperor Theodosius in 380 settled matters in Gregory's favor. The emperor, determined to eliminate Arianism, expelled Bishop Demophilus. Gregory was subsequently enthroned as bishop of Constantinople at the Basilica of the Apostles, replacing Demophilus.

MADISON, Wisc., Dec. 22 /Christian Newswire/ - Focus on the Family has a story on Glenn Beck, a Mormon, on their CitizenLink Website. Glenn Beck was a CNN host and will move to Fox News in January. Beck is currently promoting his book, "The Christmas Sweater." The CitizenLink story focuses on Beck's faith and why he wrote "The Christmas Sweater." ... Through the years, Focus on the Family has done great things to help the family and has brought attention to the many social ills that are attacking the family. However, to promote a Mormon as a Christian is not helpful to the cause of Jesus Christ. For Christians to influence society, Christians should be promoting the central issues of the faith properly without opening the door to false religions. Some of the false doctrines of Mormonism include polytheism, an attack on the trinity, that Jesus was the spirit-brother of Lucifer, that God the Father is married to Mother God, temple baptisms for the dead, the Bible has missing parts and many errors. Christians are to stand up against the social ills of society, however, we are to put Christ first and His essential biblical truths.

By R. SCOTT MOXLEY Thursday, Apr 14 2011: Legendary Garden Grove televangelist Robert H. Schuller once noted, "High achievers spot rich opportunities swiftly." The creator of Crystal Cathedral, a best-selling author and star of Hour of Power broadcasts, Schuller has long served as Exhibit A of that credo. In the 1950s, he saw an opportunity to build a profitable church, grabbed it and-thanks largely to donations from poor and lower-middle-class folks trying to win the blessings of God-created an $89-million religious empire with hints of opulence. ... Records also show that the reverend wasn't a cheapskate in one charity case. Indeed, the recipients of his generosity weren't poor at all. They were a wealthy Newport Beach couple, Kenneth and Glenia Reafsnyder. Ken's first wife was a member of Buena Park's Knott family, founders of Knott's Berry Farm. He also palled around with actor John Wayne. In 1995, Schuller agreed to divert $4,000 a month in church donations to the Reafsnyders for the rest of their lives in exchange for a quarter ownership in the couple's home. Ken has since died, but the deal calls on Crystal Cathedral Ministries to continue to pay Glenia. In 2008, the ministry increased the payments to $4,500 a month while reducing its ownership percentage. This means that the church's current 8.5 percent portion of the house has cost more than $1,250,000-$55,000 more than the value of the entire house. Speaking of houses, over the years the Schuller family has purchased oceanfront property in Orange County, a Big Bear vacation house, a San Diego County time-share, a Colorado mansion and a Honolulu condo. Just before filing for bankruptcy, Schuller sold a San Juan Capistrano property that had been bequeathed to the church decades ago and pocketed $22.5 million. The reverend's son, Robert Anthony Schuller, has lived in a $2.2-million oceanfront Laguna Beach dream house worthy of an Architectural Digest feature. Fred Southard, a longtime Schuller aide, lives behind palatial, guarded gates in a 13-room, 13,600-square-foot Newport Coast estate that could fetch $3 million on the open market. ... In court filings, they've remained optimistic that, despite a 50-percent drop in church membership to 5,000 attendees, the ministry can eventually pay off all of the debt. To accomplish that feat, however, the Schuller clan is going to have to stir up the congregation and then, despite all the unsettling revelations, ask them to dig deeper into their wallets.

Przestępcy przeszukują portale z ogłoszeniami, aby znaleźć potencjalne ofiary oszustwa. Oszust informuje, że jest chętny na zakup przedmiotu i że już za niego zapłacił, a sprzedający musi tylko odebrać środki na własne konto poprzez specjalną stronę. Oszut wysyła link do fałszywej bramki płatności. Podając na niej dane ofiara daje dostęp do konta przestępcom.

Nowy raport, stare techniki – tak w skrócie można ująć kluczowe obserwacje z 2021 r. Przestępcy udoskonalili znane sposoby oszustw i częściej zaczęli sięgać po metody wcześniej rzadko używane. Zapraszamy do lektury.

Nowy Rok przyniósł kolejne rozwiązania poprawiające bezpieczeństwo polskiego internetu. Jednym z nich jest Artemis – narzędzie rozwijane przez zespół CERT Polska, które pomaga sprawdzać poziom zabezpieczeń stron internetowych. Weryfikacji podlegają podmioty, w przypadku których, zgodnie z ustawą o krajowym systemie cyberbezpieczeństwa, obsługa incydentów koordynowana jest przez CSIRT NASK.

W ostatnich latach temat cyberbezpieczeństwa zyskuje coraz większą popularność. Przy okazji pojawiają się różne rekomendacje związane z tym zagadnieniem. W tym artykule skupimy się na wytłumaczeniu dlaczego „kliknięcie w link" nie musi być niebezpieczne oraz przedstawimy argumenty za tym dlaczego porada przestrzegająca przed „podejrzanymi" linkami nie jest klarowna i wymaga więcej wyjaśnienia.

Ubiegły rok w polskiej cyberprzestrzeni możemy podsumować hasłami: znane techniki, nowe okoliczności i wzrost świadomości. Dodatkowo, nie da się ukryć, że na cyberbezpieczeństwo wpływ miała także wojna w Ukrainie. Jak duży był to wpływ? Czego możemy spodziewać się w kolejnych miesiącach w polskiej cyberprzestrzeni i jakie wnioski należy wyciągnąć z ostatnich 12 miesięcy? Odpowiedzi znajdziecie w raporcie rocznym z działalności naszego zespołu.

Nasza Lista Ostrzeżeń obchodziła w tym roku swoje trzecie urodziny. W tym czasie udało nam się ograniczyć skutki wielu różnych kampanii phishingowych celujących w polskich użytkowników Internetu. W odpowiedzi na zmieniający się krajobraz zagrożeń postanowiliśmy wprowadzić parę zmian w działaniu naszej listy, które pozwolą nam lepiej chronić użytkowników. Zapraszamy do zapoznania się z proponowanymi zmianami oraz podzielenia się swoją opinią.

W CERT Polska stale pracujemy nad narzędziami które poprawiają bezpieczeństwo użytkowników internetu w Polsce. Właśnie dlatego stworzyliśmy serwis bezpiecznapoczta.cert.pl, którego celem jest ochrona użytkowników poczty elektronicznej i ułatwienie instytucjom sprawdzenia poprawności konfiguracji mechanizmów podnoszących jej bezpieczeństwo.

Jednym z kluczowych wyzwań związanych z europejskim cyberbezpieczeństwem jest zależność od danych pochodzących z krajów spoza UE. Projekt FETTA (Federated European Team for Threat Analysis, pol. Europejski Zespół Analizy Zagrożeń) ma na celu rozwiązanie tego problemu poprzez utworzenie międzynarodowego zespołu opracowującego produkty i narzędzia z zakresu Cyber Threat Intelligence (CTI).

W oprogramowaniu urządzeń firmy Longse Technology wykryto 4 podatności (od CVE-2024-5631 do CVE-2024-5634).