When it comes to language, the psychology around how we use words is as interesting and as consequential as the words themselves. In this edition of Two Guys on Your Head, Dr. Art Markman and Dr. Bob Duke talk about the psychology of closed classed words in English like pronouns, determiners, conjunctions, and prepositions, and...

Seen several variations of this floating around. This particular version I got from ghoti_mhic_uait who pointed out that whether and how some of them are gendered can be really regional.

It/its - Basically nobody ever uses 'it' spontaneously unless they are trying to insult people for being GNC or perceived as trans. Most people perceive me as a not particularly feminine woman, so 'it' pretty much doesn't happen. I don't have any wish to be insulted by people who hate non-binary folk, but in the abstract I somewhat prefer 'it' to 'they'.

She/her - Most usual pronouns for me, and what I'll pick if people ask for pronouns and I don't want to be that annoying cis person who says 'I don't mind'. But actually I kind of don't mind.

He/him - I about equally don't mind 'he' as 'she', but in practice nobody ever reads me as male. I'll correct it if we're in an online discussion where people assume that articulate and sensible = male, but otherwise, emotionally it would be fine, realistically not very likely.

They/them - I feel guilty for saying this but I somewhat dislike being referred to as 'they'. I think it's the same objection I used to have when 'Ms' became common. It ought to mean that my gender (marital status) is irrelevant to what people are saying about me, which is correct, but actually it seems to mark me as one of those people for whom non-binary gender (or non-determinate marital status) is really important. So I don't like 'they' because I feel like I'm being gendered as a gender rebel, which I'm really not, I have no spare energy for activism around not fitting into the female box. I am entirely happy to refer to other people as they and hopefully wouldn't make too many assumptions about anybody else's gender politics, but I dislike it for myself.

Neo-pronouns - If it were a politically uncomplicated choice, and didn't have the same problem as 'they' that neo-pronouns mark you as a gender rebel, this would probably be my preference. I particularly relate to zie / hir ; some people object to this set because it sounds like German 'sie' meaning 'she' and therefore isn't truly gender neutral. But actually that matches pretty well how I feel about myself. I'm sort of female-ish, if people think of me as somewhere on the female side of neutral, that's about right. Also, as you can see from my icon, my preferred pronoun in Swedish is definitely 'hen'; yes, it does sound like the feminine gendered English word 'hen', which is a problem for many bilingual people, but for me personally it works really well.

Mr. - Can't really imagine this happening to me. Sometimes I choose it in a fit of pique if I'm choosing from a fixed list with only inappropriate title options. But just like I'm never going to be called 'he' spontaneously, nobody ever calls me Mr.

Mx - Don't love Mx but I'm ok with it. If social norms shift to the point that Mx is the default that people start out with rather than assuming Mr or Ms, that would be ok with me. But I don't love it anywhere near enough to insist on it if people are using a different title. (I don't like to spell it with a dot as it was in the list I copied from, 'Mx.' just looks wrong to me because it isn't an abbreviation for anything.)

Miss - My preferred title if Dr. isn't available. I dislike when people who don't know my name just call me 'Miss', but in a formal context where we're using titles, I will opt for 'Miss Surname'.

Ms - I guess, if I can't have Dr or Miss, then Ms is probably better that the other options. I am less prickly about being identified as a feminist than I was years ago, but it kind of doesn't really feel like me and I'd rather have Mx.

Mrs. - Don't like this because there is no sensible combination of 'Mrs.' with a surname. I don't have the same surname as my husband, so calling me 'Mrs. Hisname' is incorrect, but calling me 'Mrs. Myname' doesn't work either because it's not a married name, it's the same surname I was assigned at birth. A few distant relatives on both sides do default to 'Mrs. Hisname', and I don't really take offence at it, it's just a slightly incorrect formalism, not an insult. It just feels completely irrelevant to how I think of myself.

Dr. - This is my correct and earned title, which is incidentally gender neutral. I don't like being pretentious enough to insist on it always, but if I have to give a formal title to a random customer service bod, then Dr. is more correct than any of the other options. I'm happy to be addressed as 'Dr. Surname' if we are being formal. I'm not a fan of being addressed as just 'Dr.' or 'Doc', but I suppose it's better than plain 'Miss'.

Sir - I can't imagine a situation where someone would call me Sir outside a kink scene. And even then I'm almost exclusively submissive so it's not very likely. If I hypothetically did get read as male, and hypothetically it was the kind of context where 'Sir' is polite, I would be ok with it, but I'm not willing to go to the effort to be read as male, so it's not going to happen.

Ma'am - The cross-section of class and region I'm most familiar with doesn't use this. I have occasionally been called 'Madam' and I'm ok with that if it's a mark of genuine respect from someone who doesn't have a clue what my name or title are, not if it's sarcastic.

Dude - Relatively gender neutral in my dialect, but mostly used as an expression of surprise. So I wouldn't expect to be called 'dude' for real, but if it happened it would be ok.

Bro/bruh - I don't think anyone has ever called me either of these. If I heard it from someone from a similar sort of race and class background to me, I would assume they were taking the mick, either mocking me, or mocking what they perceive as a working class or ethnic minority dialect. If I were called 'bro' by someone who regularly calls people 'bro' that would be ok but again, unlikely because it's too male-gendered.

Sis - Fine from my actual siblings, and one particular friend with whom I have a negotiated fraternal relationship. Fine from people who are expressing feminist solidarity; I think I broadly prefer 'sister' over 'sis' but either is fine.

I'm also totally fine with Muslim women calling me 'sister' if they come from a culture where that's the general term of respect for anyone perceived as a woman. And if they normally only call fellow-Muslims 'sister' then it's a compliment to include a Jewish woman in the sisterhood. I don't expect it from Christians because I'm not a nun and not likely to be mistaken for one.

I wouldn't like to be called 'sis' by a stranger trying to get my attention though, it's one of the words that assumes intimacy.

Sib - Nobody really calls me 'sib' (or 'fam' for that matter). I like them, but they don't really belong in my culture and dialect.

Woman - I'm totally fine with being described as a woman. I strongly dislike being addressed as 'woman'; I can't think of a context where that would be anything other than deliberately rude.

Man - I don't think people call me 'man' directly. People use 'man' as an expression of emphasis, like, man, you're fast!. But I don't perceive that as being addressed as 'man'.

I have a few friends who will refer to me as a man if I happen to be wearing more masc attire than I usually do, and I am somewhat uncomfortable with that, because I'm not more male in trousers than a skirt, though I appreciate the underlying thought process which is to acknowledge gender-fluidity.

Boy - Implausible.

Girl - In a feminist-disapproved way, I do to some extent think of myself as a 'girl'. I am ok with other people calling me 'girl' in a context where it's obviously positive, like you go, girl!, but I wouldn't respond to someone calling me 'hey girl!' in the street. I might slightly ironically say 'because I'm a girl' when discussing some gender unfairness. I don't like people referring to me as a girl, because that can be patronizing. I particularly don't like 'girl' as a modifier; I'm not a 'girl scientist' or a 'girl manager' or a 'girl blogger', I'm a woman or female scientist.

King - I don't move in the kind of circles where this would ever be a term of address.

Queen - I think you have to be a certain kind of gay man or African American to call someone 'Queen' so this doesn't seem to fit me.

Prince - Implausible.

Princess - I kind of dislike this even as a term of endearment. It feels like a name for either a young child, or someone you don't really respect as a person but think of as basically an ornament or toy.

Captain - Completely irrelevant. The only time I'm ever even slightly likely to be addressed as 'Captain' is if someone is gently ribbing me for being bossy, which I suppose is ok if we have the kind of relationship where that sort of teasing is accepted.

Lady - As a term of address where this is culturally normal, fine. I don't feel personally excluded or hurt if someone addresses a speech to 'Ladies and Gentlemen'. If a complete stranger is trying to get my attention, I probably prefer 'lady' over 'girl', though neither is great. I don't mind when parents tell their children, say thankyou to the nice lady or similar. I would not expect anyone who knows my name to call me 'lady' instead. If someone is describing me rather than addressing me, I think 'woman' is a better word than 'lady', and 'person' is a better word still.

Feminine compliments - I don't entirely agree with the various examples from different versions of the meme of what constitutes a feminine, masculine or gender-neutral compliment. I broadly dislike 'feminine' compliments from people who don't know me well, because they are almost all about appearance, and because they are often belittling. If I'm in a close relationship with someone and feel comfortable with them complimenting my appearance, I prefer the gender-neutral 'gorgeous' over the more feminine-ish 'beautiful' as terms of address, but if it's a description rather than a name then it depends on the person giving the compliment.

Masculine compliments - I would love to be described as 'handsome', but it's never going to happen, because I'm really not. Also I don't like being addressed as 'handsome' in place of a name or title. What other masculine compliments even exist? I can't think of any of the top of my head.

Neutral compliments - In place of a name, supposedly neutral compliments are often feminized. Like, if a stranger calls me 'cute' or 'hot' or 'sexy' because they don't know my name, they're quite likely to be asserting gendered power over me and I don't like that. If someone wants to describe me in a sentence using complimentary language, I usually prefer neutral over explicitly feminine.

Honey, sweetie etc - If it's normal in someone's dialect to call random strangers by terms of endearment, that's fine. I think doing so can be gendered slightly female, but it doesn't bother me if someone calls me 'darling' or 'sweetheart' because they perceive me as female. I dislike endearments once I'm having an ongoing interaction with someone, in that case I want them to ask my name (or title, in a more professional context) and use it.

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