Total Dhamaal
U: Action, Adventure, Comedy
Director: Indra Kumar
Cast: Ajay Devgn, Anil Kapoor, Madhuri Dixit Nene, Arshad Warsi, Jaaved Jaaferi, Riteish Deshmukh, Sanjay Mishra
Rating: 

The first thing you notice about this Hindi film (or at least I did) is that it plays with English subtitles. Not that most need it; but great relief, nonetheless. For I had returned from the same Mumbai theatre only the evening before, within the first minute of a Malayalam film (a heavily recommended Kumbalangi Nights), having realised that the pic had no English subs, and people were laughing at jokes (presumably), that I couldn't access.

Would Total Dhamaal, in a language you didn't understand, be watchable still? Technically there is hardly a plot/story. So you'll follow what's going on, regardless. But this is the sort of deliberately-sasta, kaam chalau comedy that works on simplest set-ups, and pay-offs - or punch-lines - that you ought to be in sync with. Some jokes work - at a pure comic timing level. Several don't. But that's really what you walked in for. For the record, the first Dhamaal (2007) had entered theatres hot on the heels of the fab Golmaal (2006), with Arshad Warsi common to both - making the former seem like pretty much a sequel to the latter. Modelled along the lines of the Spencer Tracy epic It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World (1963), Dhamaal actually had a lot of dhamaal going for it.

Ever since, Golmaal has turned into a four-part, money-spinning franchise (or as Devgn calls it, his "retirement plan"). As have similar all-star comedies from the time - Housefull (the fourth instalment is on its way), Kya Kool Hain Hum (in the screwball, sex-com space), Masti (there've been three so far - directed by Indra Kumar, as well).

This is the third in the Dhamaal series, and as a ride, perhaps mainly intended for kids, if you consider the amount of slapstick (instead of adult) humour, stereotyped 'Madrasi', Bihari, Gujju kinda gags, and tonnes of fine VFX paraphernalia - collapsing bridge, rickety helicopter, cute animals bumbling around in the farm, folk either hanging or flying off ledges… This is besides a lot of self-referential Bollywood one-liners that appear as stuck in time as, of course, the picture itself.

And so the password to open a door is 'one-two ka four; four-two ka one' as Lakhan, or Anil Kapoor, jumps off a wall. 'Ek do teen' as in the Madhuri Dixit Nene song is referred to, since Dixit is in the movie, along with Kapoor. Rohit Shetty is summoned in a line while cars fly. Ajay Devgn is of course the dude. His sidekick, Sanjay Mishra, whose refrain, "Dhondu, just chill," made him a superstar with Shetty's All The Best (2010), a similar mad-cap comedy, gets, "Bro," a new takia-kalaam here.

But my favourite guys in this movie have got to be Adi, and his man-child partner Manav (Arshad Warsi, Jaaved Jaaferi). Glad they've survived the franchise's original line-up (the only ones to, besides the perennial ensemble-com favourite, Riteish Deshmukh).

The entire lot is after a Rs 50 crore booty. All they know is that it's kept at a zoo. And with presumably someone called OK, which is what you must feel like - never mind what happens in the movie thereafter. Anything I say about this expectedly total dumb maal, should be construed as boring old me, coming in the way of your heightened, harebrained entertainment. Already have; read no further!

Also Read: Exclusive: Ajay Devgn on Total Dhamaal: It's very difficult to make people laugh

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Dumbo
U/A: Family, Fantasy
Cast: Colin Farrell, Michael Keaton, Danny DeVito
Director: Tim Burton
Rating: 

Disney's attempt to lend more darkness and quirks to this live-action remake of its 1941 animated classic about a baby elephant whose ears double as wings, Dumbo, pays off with loads of cuteness but the director Tim Burton's signature strangeness is missing. Burton's craft is more simplistic here - even though the film is a sort of circus fantasia with all the aspects of an imagination running wild.

The owner of a struggling circus, Max Medici(Danny De Vito) enlists a man(Colin Farrell) and his two children to care for a new born elephant that can fly. Of course, the contretemps are not merely about a flying elephant but also about those opportunistic times when diabolical people sought to make their fortunes off the sweat of lesser mortals.

Check out the trailer here:

With Michael Keaton and Danny DeVito on the same page here, one would have expected something more whimsical and intriguing but this production doesn't quite fit the bill. Burton's attempts to stuff up the visuals with a surrounding darkness doesn't set flight to the imagination. Ehren Kruger's screenplay is inconsistent and chaotic. Character development is uneven so even the leads don't come across as engaging. Burton's attempts to give vein to the freakish performer doesn't have much impact because the plotting is quite wayward. Even the presence of snake charmer Pramesh Singh (Roshan Seth) and the resident circus "mermaid," Miss Atlantis (Sharon Rooney), who strums a ukulele by the fireside and sings "Baby Mine," feels out of place in this extravaganza that lacks connect and soul!

Also Read: Disney's 'Dumbo' will take you to new heights

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Kiara Advani began her Bollywood journey with the 2014 film Fugly that was Akshay Kumar's home production. She also appeared in M.S Dhoni- The Untold Story in 2016, a commercial and critical success. She then starred in Abbas-Mustan's thriller, Machine, in 2017 that failed to do well at the box-office. It was Karan Johar's anthology, Lust Stories, which made the audiences sit up to the actor that was yet to be tapped by the industry people.

And with the gigantic success of Kabir Singh, there was no looking back. She became Preeti for everyone and began attracting a lot of memes on social media on her silent and submissive character. The rest, as they say, is history! Her last film, Good Newwz, was a smash-hit too and now she has films like Indoo Ki Jawaani, Shershaah, Laxmmi Bomb, and Bhool Bhulaiyaa 2 coming up. And she has often thanked one man for guiding her through her thick and thin and that's Salman Khan.

And in a chat with Mumbai Mirror, she spoke about meeting the Superstar for the first time and what her initial reaction was. She said, "I was smitten by Salman Khan sir the first time I saw him, which was on a film set at Mehboob Studio. He was sitting outside his vanity van, waiting to be called for a shot." She added, "I was struck dumb, literally! I already knew him but the aura around him was so strong. He made me comfortable and while my mother and he were sharing stories from my childhood, I just stood there, gawking."

Given Salman has acted with almost all the actresses he has guided and mentored, can we expect him and Advani in a film together in the future?

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How many times you told a machine "how stupid" it was? How much technology are you surrounding with these days? This is a quick rant about few situations I've found myself involved: enjoy!

What's the difference between a Rolex and an Apple Watch? When Apple's servers are down, a Rolex still tells time. pic.twitter.com/4z5sNjEOLC

— Jonathan Stark (@jonathanstark) July 27, 2015

The one with the light sensor

This is the most hilarious story I could tell these days. I've found an office (it's just a room in a renewed building) that's so sophisticated and full of sensors, that I have nothing to do when I get into the room. The conditioner and the lights switch on thanks to a sensor!
"so what's the problem?" you ask? I have a projector and there's no bloody sensor switch so I can't see anything because as soon as I move the light goes on again. More over, the sensor activates also the conditioner, and what about the window? ... well, there is one, but I cannot open it.
They'll never come back with a solution, I'll probably change office because not being in control of keeping lights switched off in your own, freaking expensive office, is very frustrating!
This is also how the conversation with office management went:

• me: I need to keep the light off
• they: Sir, we have highly automated office and a green policy, we have sensors for lights
• me: I have said, I need to keep the light switched off
• they: why would you need that Sir?
• me: I have a projector, I can't see a thing with such bright illumination
• they: I see, we'll ask about it and let you know how much will it cost. Meanwhile, have you tried shutting down the blinds?
• me: .... walk away astonished ...

The 7GB free SD card that Android will not use to update

I have finally received the Lollipop 5.1 update for my Motorola E, a very Essential device that might be enough for 80% of people out there. The Motorola E first generation has its own storage of 2.something GB. Android fits together with all its pointless apps I don't use (pointless because mandatory) and it says it needs at least 850MB to be installed. I check the storage, there are 300MB left plus more than 7GB on the SD card. The SD card is mounted in recovery mode, so it's perfectly usable as alternative storage to execute a System update. No way, I had to remove a couple of apps because it is not possible to move Apps to SD card, only few awesome apps can do that, and I wonder why on earth this is not a requirement in order to be accepted in the Android store.
Why are these app so obtrusive that need to be installed in the equivalent of the Linux /boot, /etc, and /system folder? Why on earth there is an SD card if for an update I'll have same problems iPhone C had a while ago? At least iPhone C does not even accept an SD card. How dumb is being unable to use free space? What is that free space useful for? Why are all these Google apps I don't use incapable of being moved to the SD card?
These and many more questions that will never be answered in the next episode of: How dumb is the free space management in every Phone OS!

Not just updates

If you have your app in your SD card you are free to move that card in your new shiny phone and keep the precious data with you if you are still in the same OS, or a newer version of such OS. There is no reason your app needs to be in the main storage and I hope these will all change their requirements, beside modern phones have more than 2GB of main storage, the point is a completely different one.

The slower automatic checkout

Have you ever found at some supermarket an automatic checkout that won't scan the next item until it has said entirely the price of the previously scanned one? I did, and I've imagined myself staring in front of the working person telling me the price loudly of everything I've bought. What the actual heck were they thinking when they released the software for that machine?

The classic airport double lifts paradox

The book I've started and never completed is entitled: 20 Floors of JavaScript. Its title is inspired by the fact it's the 20th anniversary of JavaScript, and also its aim is to discover how to program multiple Array of lifts/elevators.
I've realized in 37 years of life that lifts are the most stupidly programmed software you can imagine, and there are tons of solutions that could be implemented but apparently the software is the same that somebody wrote in 1978 or similar years.
Just to name one utterly idiotic situation with lifts, try to take one at the airport, in a place where there are at least two lifts.
One will be inevitably full, and while its doors are closing, somebody will press the button in order to call the other lift.
The drama begins.
The lift that was going upstairs will interrupt its closing doors procedure, opening them back, and waiting other 5 seconds before eventually closing them again. While doors are closing again, the second impatient person will press the button again.
People will start shouting "DON'T PRESS THE BUTTON" and some fight might have already picked up in the queue or someone got angry with the person that is pressing the button, calling him/her idiot.
Truth is, the only idiot, and the elephant in the room nobody wants to see because it not a real entity, is the lift and its software. Not only these lift have a weight sensor, so that eventually these could ignore changing floor if the weight is too high, these lift also have a camera. Having a camera means that when the weight is 0, the lift can take a screenshot of its internal. When the weight is not zero and doors are closing, the lift can take another screenshot of its internal and compare that image, pixel per pixel, with the initial empty one, and unless every person of the lift managed to dress like a part of that lift interiors and in camera prospective, the lift could easily tell if its full enough to ignore any extra request to re-open the door and let somebody else get in. This is not too sophisticated at all, this is just basic common sense applied. Moreover, every extra button push could simply be counted as unsigned short which, if more than 2, should ignore the request. This will avoid deadlocks when people for the third time see doors closing, and somebody from the outside call the lift again. This would surely be over-engineered in any single lift situation, but it can actually speed up the logic when there are at least 2.
This, and many other little tricks I've no idea why whoever is programming lifts software is not thinking about. They are more like dumb, passive, queues, incapable of optimizing a single operation.

Rant over, share your funny story if you like!

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