Follow us down memory lane for the best and worst trash of 2024! by Elinor Jones

Happy Holidays, Trash Pandas! ‘Tis I, Elinor Jones, AKA the Ghost of Trash Past, here to guide you through 2024—a year that I could best describe as “a year that happened.”

January 8 

I hate to break it to us, but despite anyone’s resolutions, this is probably not going to be a year when anybody becomes better. You know how in professional sports, when a bunch of the big names have retired or left and then it’s just rookies and no-names, they call it a “Rebuilding Year”? 2024 will be the opposite of that for us. A destroying year. All of us are going to get worse, it’s just a matter of how quickly, and how much. 

February 12

I am all about the monoculture and I love to love things, but I am so tired of football and Taylor Swift! No more brain space; I simply cannot. I mean look: Am I glad she made it to the game in time after her Tokyo shows? Yes. Do I think this was a challenge or hardship for her when she has her own airplane and team of professionals to ensure it happens comfortably and efficiently? No. Am I impressed that her lipstick always looks so damn good? Yes. Did I like her pants? No, I hated them. Do I think it’s hilarious that Republicans hate Taylor Swift so much that they’d rather root for the team out of San Francisco than the corn-fed midwestern one? Yes, a thousand times yes, this is incredible, put it in my veins. Will I listen to her new album? OBVIOUSLY. But that’s it! No more thoughts!!

April 1 

The world has gone country, and by that I mean we have all been listening to Beyoncé’s latest album Cowboy Carter all weekend. I’m a fan! Several years ago I found a pair of those magical thrift store cowboy boots that somehow both fit perfectly and are extremely cool, and I always knew there was a reason to hang on to them. I’m excited to plan an outfit to wear to her next concert that probably won’t come anywhere near Portland anyway. A girl can dream. That’s country. 

April 15 

[Regarding a possible Monopoly movie.] “What’s next, Checkers? Jenga? You wanna make a Jenga movie? What, fuckin’ CONNECT FOUR?” And I will stop you right there, because that one works. Four is the correct number for a collection of people. It’s the best table in a restaurant—no pulling up an extra chair for some poor schmuck to sit at one end. Four is the maximum number of heads that will fit into a photobooth picture. Four is how many adults fit comfortably in a car. So let’s talk about this Connect Four movie: I am seeing three friends realize that something is missing and they desperately seek a fourth, but they keep being blocked by outside forces, until finally, one day, through either meticulous planning or pure dumb luck, the pieces line up just so, and they find their fourth friend, thus creating a powerful block which shall emerge victorious! “But Elinor,” you say. “Is this not the plot of the 1990s supernatural teen thriller THE CRAFT?” To which I say: “DING FUCKING DING.” A Connect Four movie already exists, it stars Fairuza Balk and Neve Campbell, and it’s perfect!

May 13 

First Lady Jill Biden stopped in Portland last week to attend a quick fundraiser in Lake Oswego. Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler was there, and later told the press “it’s nice to see the First Lady supporting our city and taking an interest in what we do here.” Buddy! She wasn’t even in our city! Was there nowhere decent in Portland proper for her to glad-hand wealthy Democrats? You know, I almost think she was trying to keep away from the riffraff by going to Lake Oswego, and that is especially not “what we do here.” In Portland, riffraff is the name of the game!

May 20 

Rudy Giuliani somehow (and for days) evaded Arizona officials trying to serve him an indictment for his (alleged) 2020 election crimes. I could use a lot of words to describe Rudy Giuliani, but “indiscreet” and “stealthy” are definitely not among them. I feel like one could locate Rudy Giuliani using whatever magic makes a cartoon mouse float towards cheese, but the wafting odor is a mix of cigars, cologne, and farts. Alas, the man was found, and at his own 80th birthday party. Giuliani even shared an absolutely psychotic Amazon wish list of the stuff he wanted, which included “stain blocking ceiling paint.” That Giuliani worries about his ceiling getting dirty really captures the explosive gooeyness of this chapter in his life.

June 10

Sabrina Carpenter released a fun and steamy video for her new single “Please Please Please” which features boyfriend Barry Keoghan. These two are giving the sultry slutty young relaysh vibes they were trying to sell us with Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney last year. I could never fully get behind those two because they look like they were generated by an AI prompt of “hot white heteros.” Barry and Sabrina are hot too, but also interesting, sexy, a little dangerous, and maybe kinda mean? Like Glen and Sydney would break your heart by ghosting you, but they’d never tell anyone else your secrets, whereas Barry and Sabrina would get a tattoo of your name and then try to run over you with their car.

June 17 

The AtmosFEAR ride at Oak’s Park got stuck upside down last week, leaving some 30 people stuck upside down for 25 minutes. Roller coaster-avoiders like me will get YEARS of excuses out of this. It’s not that we’re scared; it’s that we’re smart. (We’re also very scared.)

July 8 

Gwyneth Paltrow held a party at her home in the Hamptons and somebody got diarrhea. I’m sorry, not just diarrhea—"catastrophic” diarrhea, which is a pretty horrifying combination of words! The diarrhea was allegedly caused by Ozempic, which all the stars are taking, so think about this the next time you see a star-studded red carpet: know that the bathrooms at that event are a grade-A paint show, and you’re lucky you’re not there.

July 15

Iconic sex therapist Dr. Ruth passed away last week at the age of 96. There was not a major event she couldn’t make into a reason to get laid, and it’s really a shame she died before this attempted assassination of Donald Trump; she would have made it so horny. 

August 5

I am loving the Olympics! God, the amount of pride I feel for the US Olympics Team is overwhelming; borderline ew, like am I becoming a flag girlie? Seeing tacky bedazzled Republicans at the RNC a couple weeks ago made me want to hurl, but throw some gemstones on a leotard and I am in line. I’ve been especially tickled by the vibes of the shooting competitors despite hating guns with every fiber of my being. The gun lobby might be appealing to the wrong instincts in trying to garner support. I mean, has the NRA ever considered simply serving cunt? 

August 26

Republican Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance is trying to prove he’s not weird and failing spectacularly. He recently stopped by a donut shop where the workers didn’t want to be on camera and ordered “whatever makes sense,” for which he has been mercilessly mocked. And look, I get it: When JD Vance orders “whatever makes sense” it sounds like a robot prepping for his first day of human school. That said, I do think this makes sense! I like the idea of ordering “~items~.” Put “whatever makes sense” on the late-night menu at a bar and I guarantee you it will go gangbusters. Sometimes you’ll get a vat of french fries and a pitcher of beer. Other times you’ll get a Sprite and two ibuprofen. Credit where credit is due—this couch-fucker might be on to something! 

September 16

Actor James Earl Jones passed away last week at the age of 93. He was the last good Jones. Now it’s just me. And my Mufasa voice is shit.

October 14

The widow of Bobby Kennedy and mother of presidential candidate RFK Jr., Ethel Kennedy, passed away last week at the age of 96. I think if the son of a deceased person repeatedly requests that the casket not be locked and sealed, you gotta wonder what he’s got planned for that corpse.

What wonders will these final days of 2024 have in store for us? I have absolutely no idea, but you can guarantee that I’ll be around to make a silly joke about it (hopefully!) I hope your -ber months are safe, warm, and cute.

Santa-ly,

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NPR's Michel Martin speaks with Penn State labor and employment relations professor Paul Clark about blue-collar voters and their decision to back President-elect Trump in this election.

NPR's Steve Inskeep asks the Brookings Institution's Jon Valant about President-elect Trump's campaign promise to close the Department of Education.

April 17, 2015 It was more than just a handshake at the Summit of the Americas last week as President Barack Obama greeted Cuba’s President Raul Castro. It has been widely described as the beginnings of a thaw in US-Latin American relations. It’s been welcomed in some quarters as a mark of progress in American foreign policy while condemned by others as a capitulation to a long-standing communist enemy.

This week, Basic Black looks at the changes in US-Latin American relations and what impact this could have on Latinos living in the United States, immigration reform and economic development for Latin America. Panelists:
- Latoyia Edwards, anchor, NECN
- Peniel Joseph, Professor of History, Tufts University
- Devyn Spence Benson, Assistant Professor of History & African American Studies, Louisiana State University, current Fellow at The Hutchins Center, Harvard University
- Marcela Garcia, Contributor to the Editorial and Opinion Pages, The Boston Globe
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Selection for bigger tomatoes has made the fruits less sweet, but now it has been shown that gene editing can make them sweeter without decreasing yields

Dozens of perforated pebbles from an archaeological site in Israel may be early examples of spindle whorls, a rotating tool used in textile making that was a step towards inventing the wheel

The mega-coral measures 34 metres by 32 metres – making it larger than a blue whale – and it is thought to be three centuries old

Elon Musk’s SpaceX is preparing for the sixth test flight of Starship, the world's most powerful rocket. It aims to conduct the launch as early as 18 November. Here’s everything we know so far

Driverless cars can now do doughnuts and drift like stunt drivers, skidding sideways around corners while maintaining control, which might help the cars recover from dangerous situations

Conservatives in Canada have accused the government of banning military chaplains from reciting prayers in accordance with their faith during Remembrance Day ceremonies across Canada, an accusation liberals have denied. 

Christian groups in South Korea are calling on the World Evangelical Alliance to put on hold plans for its next General Assembly in Seoul next year.

Exit polling from the 2024 presidential election shows that parents of children younger than 18 swung to former President Donald Trump as the issue of parental rights in education continues to loom large in American politics.

Robotic dogs are patrolling President-elect Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago residence in Florida days after his election victory as the Republican has faced two assassination attempts and reports of an Iranian murder plot against him.

Months after his successful solo exhibition featuring a compelling selection of his religious paintings billed “The Lord was There” in New York earlier this year, Christian master portrait artist Zimou Tan is now on a mission to make his work more accessible to art lovers of faith and he launched a Kickstarter campaign Tuesday to help him reach it.

A shark fisherman and professional roofer has been arrested after being accused of stealing over $194,000 from a church in Kentucky.

A fresh and fun graphic novel series spin-off of The Baby-sitters Club, featuring Kristy's little stepsister! Karen Brewer lives next door to Mrs. Porter, who wears long robes and has wild gray hair. Mrs. Porter has a black cat named Midnight and always seems to be working in her garden. Karen isn't supposed to spy on her neighbor, but she's determined to prove that Mrs. Porter is a witch named Morbidda Destiny! Mrs. Porter is getting ready to have a special meeting at her house, and Karen is su

The Saraya al-Quds* group, a military wing of the radical Islamic Jihad* movement (a terrorist organization banned in Russia), released a new video of Alexander Trukhanov, a Russian citizen, who was kidnapped on October 7, 2023. The video of the hostage posted on the Telegram channel of the terrorist group shows the man speaking Hebrew. The man complains about the difficult situation the hostages found themselves in. They do not have enough water and have run out of hygiene products, the man said. Fearing Israeli bombings and missile attacks, Trukhanov called on the Israelis not to forget about the hostages. He also urged the people of Israel to go to rallies and advocate for a ceasefire so that hostages could return home.

Famous Russian journalist, chef and TV presenter Alexey Zimin died. He was 52. The reason for the journalist's death remains unknown. Alexey Zimin was born in Dubna, a suburban town near Moscow, on December 13, 1971. He held the position of deputy editor-in-chief of Afisha Magazine. Zimin also founded Afisha Eda food publication and served as editor-in-chief of Afisha Mir, GQ and Gourmet magazines. The journalist hosted "Cooking with Alexey Zimin" show on NTV channel organised and organised food festivals. Zimin also opened several cafes, bars and restaurants.

Twelve soldiers escaped from a military unit in the Novosibirsk region of Russia on November 13. The servicemen pogromed the military unit when escaping. One of the escapees was filming others smashing windows and breaking furniture. "Look, there's a riot going on here. A riot, yehoo! [I'm sick of] it all," the man can be heard saying filming his reflection in a mirror. Another soldier in the background shouts: "Come on, break all the windows!"

A "rare and complex" British Challenger 2 tank that Ukraine received from the UK was spotted in the Kursk region of Russia. "The destruction of a heavy British Challenger 2 tank, a rather rare and complex tank to operate, by the marines of our 155th brigade indicates the concentration of enemy efforts," Two Majors Telegram channel said. The fact that such rare military hardware was transferred to the Russian region indicates the intention of the Armed Forces of Ukraine to use all opportunities to hold positions in the Kursk region, authors of the channel added.

A la mayoria de la gente no le gusta aplicarse vacunas o inyecciones para recibir tratamientos. Por eso, los investigadores trabajan para crear mas medicamentos, como los que se fabrican a partir de ARN mensajero (ARNm), que puedan pulverizarse e inhalarse. Un estudio publicado en la revista Journal of the American Chemical Society informa sobre los avances para hacer posible los medicamentos de ARNm inhalables. Los investigadores indican que la nanoparticula de polimero lipidico, que es estable cuando se nebuliza y libera aerosoles (gotitas liquidas) en los pulmones de ratones de forma satisfactoria, se optimizo para contener el ARNm.

Research findings from Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center and the Miller School of Medicine at the University of Miami will be presented at the Annual Meeting & Exposition of the American Society of Hematology in San Diego, Dec. 7-10.

Jiang He, M.D., Ph.D., Professor and Chair Designate of Epidemiology in the Peter O'Donnell Jr. School of Public Health at UT Southwestern Medical Center, is a 2024 recipient of the American Heart Association's (AHA) highest commendation, the Distinguished Scientist award. The honor recognizes Dr. He's prolific research on reducing the risks of cardiometabolic diseases, including heart disease, stroke, obesity, Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, dyslipidemia, and chronic kidney disease.

The University of Kentucky Sanders-Brown Center on Aging Director Linda Van Eldik, Ph.D., hopes to shed light on how specific brain cells may contribute to the progression of Alzheimer's disease, paving the way for potential new therapeutic approaches.Van Eldik recently received a three-year, $300,000 award from the BrightFocus Foundation to support her research project, "Relationship between astrocyte p38 MAPK, neuroinflammation, and Alzheimer pathology.

University of Kentucky Co-Executive Vice Presidents for Health Affairs Eric N. Monday and Robert S. DiPaola sent the following message to the UK HealthCare community on Nov. 6, 2024: We are very pleased to announce that Chris DeSimone and Tim Slocum have accepted the positions of Executive Chief Medical Officer and Senior Vice President and Chief Operations Officer, respectively.

Hematology researchers from Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center and the Miller School of Medicine at the University of Miami are authors or co-authors on more than 70 posters to be presented at the Annual Meeting & Exposition of the American Society of Hematology in San Diego, Dec. 7-10. Links to each abstract are included in this tip sheet.

Um estudo da Mayo Clinic sugere que um stent em forma de ampulheta poderia melhorar o fluxo sanguineo e aliviar a dor toracica intensa e recorrente em pessoas com microangiopatia.

Un estudio de Mayo Clinic sugiere que un estent en forma de reloj de arena podria mejorar el flujo sanguineo y aliviar el dolor toracico intenso y recurrente en personas con microangiopatia.

A new book, Nurses' Extraordinary Experiences During the COVID-19 Pandemic: There was Something in the Air, offers a poignant and firsthand account of the challenges and triumphs faced by nurses during the most devastating pandemic of our generation.

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Recent advances in bladder cancer treatments may offer hope of curative care to more patients, including those with high-risk localized, muscle-invasive disease, according to a New England Journal of Medicine editorial published by Matthew Milowsky, MD, FASCO, a bladder cancer expert at UNC School of Medicine and UNC Lineberger Comprehensive Cancer Center.

University of Maryland School of Medicine Researchers Identify Neurobiological Changes Leading to Increase Release of the Brain Chemical Dopamine and Its Target Neurons Linked to Addiction-Like Behavior With the increased legalization of recreational cannabis, as many as 1 in 5 pregnant women in the U.S. are now using the drug to help with morning sickness, lower back pain or anxiety.

Rutgers Health study uncovers vulnerabilities in drug-resistant TB, offering hope for improved treatments.

In a groundbreaking study, researchers at McMaster University have identified a potential treatment for Sandhoff and Tay-Sachs diseases--two rare, often fatal lysosomal storage disorders that cause progressive damage to nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord. After years of investigating the diseases' underlying mechanisms, the research team has identified an existing FDA-approved drug that could significantly improve quality of life for affected patients and their families.

Community partnerships led to a specialized clinic delivering COVID and flu shots to individuals with neurodevelopmental conditions like autism at the MIND Institute.

University of Kentucky Co-Executive Vice Presidents for Health Affairs Eric N. Monday and Robert S. DiPaola sent the following message to the UK HealthCare community on Nov. 6, 2024: We are very pleased to announce that Chris DeSimone and Tim Slocum have accepted the positions of Executive Chief Medical Officer and Senior Vice President and Chief Operations Officer, respectively.

Argonne scientist, Maria Chan, has been elected as a Fellow of the American Physical Society for her contributions to energy research.

Um estudo da Mayo Clinic sugere que um stent em forma de ampulheta poderia melhorar o fluxo sanguineo e aliviar a dor toracica intensa e recorrente em pessoas com microangiopatia.

Un estudio de Mayo Clinic sugiere que un estent en forma de reloj de arena podria mejorar el flujo sanguineo y aliviar el dolor toracico intenso y recurrente en personas con microangiopatia.

The Academy of Science, Engineering and Medicine of Florida (ASEMFL) has named two Florida State University faculty members part of its 2024 class of "Rising Stars."

A new book, Nurses' Extraordinary Experiences During the COVID-19 Pandemic: There was Something in the Air, offers a poignant and firsthand account of the challenges and triumphs faced by nurses during the most devastating pandemic of our generation.

If there is one thing that is constant in marketing, it's that things are constantly changing, according to Michael Wall, a marketing expert at WashU Olin Business School. As social media users flock to sites that align with their political beliefs, brands face the challenge of connecting with diverse audiences.