Over the years, I've had a number of companies as clients that make and install signs. Most of the signs are used for commercial applications (stores and hotels) and they are usually made of metal and plastic but occasionally they'll even make one out of EIFS. Either way, they sometimes ask me how to attach their signs to EIFS walls. If you've ever purchased a custom sign, they are not cheap, so it's not a dumb question. Here are some guidelines on how to deal with signs. These notes relate to design considerations, as well as installation issues.

First, you can go to New Orleans right now and have a good time, at least in the popular tourist areas, which look like nothing ever happened. But if you drive a little way from those restored areas, it's a different story. There are blocks and blocks of abandoned single-story houses and there are shopping areas that look fine, except a lot are not open. These buildings are in the areas that were flooded and stayed submerged.

Lately I’ve been working with some cast stone products and have found that product to be a good complement to EIFS in terms of dealing with the damage-susceptible edges of EIFS. This month’s column gives some examples of how cast stone can be used with EIFS.

This month’s column gives you a checklist of things to keep in mind if someone wants an alternate price or prefers the other cladding. This list will be handy if you are working with a designer or owner who needs guidance when making a switch.

For a change of pace, I’ve decided to periodically write about contracting and field issues, including case studies of interesting projects. The idea is to offer insights that will help readers deal with aspects of EIFS in their work.

Large rust stain streaks can be created by an almost invisibly small piece of iron, located in the EIFS finish. They can become amazingly big and very noticeable. In the midst of a huge blank EIFS wall, such streaks can really standout, which can result in irate building owners who want you to redo the whole façade. That level of repair is hardly necessary and the following information on rust streaks on EIFS can help you fix the problem and keep the owner calm.

There are two basic ways of terminating the edge of an EIFS. One is by using the EIFS materials themselves, and the other is using some type of non-EIFS trim product, such as preformed plastic or metal pieces.

An EIFS finish coat is a textured, paint-like material. It’s usually made with acrylic resins or a blend of acrylic resins and other resins, such as silicones. The hardness of the coating and its textured surface make it susceptible to getting dirty.

In multi-story wood frame residential construction, the various floor levels are usually constructed as a series of platforms, one at a time, on top of each other. The horizontal framing at the floor line has its grain running parallel to the ground.

This is the first of a two-part series about common EIFS questions. My Web site www.eifs.com generates a lot of e-mail and phone inquiries. Usually they are basic questions from people looking to learn more about EIFS. Over the last 30 years of working with EIFS I’ve seen or heard of almost anything that can be done with EIFS.

The origin of the EIFS with drainage goes back to the 1990s. The idea of adding drainage came about due to a rash of water intrusion problems on houses in the southeast. Water had gotten behind the EIFS and ruined the supporting wood structure, causing a flurry of lawsuits and repairs, and sparking the interest of building code officials.

The recent devastating earthquake in Haiti has focused attention on many things about that country, including politics, economics, its history and culture, and many other poignant topics, not the least of which is the safety and design of buildings there. 

In North America, EIFS is pretty much a single type of design, namely expanded polystyrene insulation adhesively attached to the supporting wall, and a thin, synthetic, two-layer, glass fiber mesh-reinforced coating system. 

If you spend any time working with specifiers, end-users, designers and contractors who are involved with EIFS, you’ll find out right away that the environmental friendliness (“eco-friendliness”) of EIFS is a hot topic.

One of the most popular design features of EIFS is its ability to mimic other materials. This includes being a stone, concrete or stucco look-alike. This feature of EIFS is widely used for many reasons, including its attractive appearance, light weight and low cost.

Firestopping is an especially important topic for EIFS, due to the system’s unique multi-layered form of cladding construction. 

When I do technical seminars about EIFS, one of the most frequent questions is, “Should I use adhesives or mechanical fasteners (screws plus washers), or even both, to attach the foam insulation to the wall?” The answer depends on a number of factors, and sometimes you have no choice about which to use. 

There is work underway to develop a standardized protocol for inspecting EIFS as it is being installed. This work is being done by the ASTM technical society. 

I often get calls from people wanting to “beef up” the performance of their EIFS walls. There are some things you can do to improve performance and this month’s column has a potpourri of strategies for common problems.

Expanded polystyrene insulation and polyisocyanurate foam polyiso are the two main insulation types used in EIFS in North America. Overseas, many other types of insulation are used to make EIFS, such a mineral wool and “glass foam.”

Because EIFS are a jointless type of wall cladding that can be installed over a huge wall area without joints at all, it’s clear that the only way for water to get behind the EIFS is somewhere at the edge of the EIFS. This penetration is most often at windows, openings and flashings.

In EIFS, water resistive barriers are a layer between the EIFS substrate and the EIFS insulation. They are most commonly used in EIFS with drainage wall assemblies. They are an additional layer within the wall cladding system and present some unique issues that are worth knowing about. Here are some of the issues.

In the May column “Keep it Dry,” I talked about issues to be dealt with when using EIFS that incorporate a water resistive barrier. WRBs are most often used in the increasingly common EIFS with drainage. Most of the discussion in that article was about various design aspects.

There are lots of small details and design features about EIFS that can help create a better-completed EIFS project. This month’s column is a list of many known-and not-so-well-known-design features that you should be aware of.

Everyone’s heard of Stonehenge in England-the weird stone blocks in the middle of a field. But who has heard of Foamhenge in Virginia? It is a full size replica of the real Stonehenge made of EIFS. Who could dream up a cooler name?

No doubt you are aware that the quality of EIFS is very dependent on the contractor. One way to ensure quality is to monitor the process of installing the EIFS as it is being installed.

Every American I know wants to visit Australia. It’s sometimes called “The Land of Milk and Honey” and it is. Next to Canada, Australia is more like the U.S. than any other country I can think of.

EIFS is like any other building material in the sense that it is well-suited for some uses and not for others. This column is a compilation of my thoughts about where EIFS works well and where it does not, including some unusual specialty uses.

When EIFS was first introduced to the North American market, there were a lot of questions about its strength.

Used shipping containers: the new farming frontier.

The organisation, which has 160 employees, says it is still trying to understand how staff will be affected

Arlington, VA — Mine operators should train miners on recognizing highwall hazards and following procedures for their safe control, the Mine Safety and Health Administration advises in a recent safety alert.

Tile Redinow offers Redi Trench, an incredibly exciting marriage of design and function for the commercial construction sector, in particular for the hospitality industry.

The Reclaimé Collection’s new line extensions offer the visual and charm of a floor constructed from reclaimed, vintage wood in a laminate flooring construction, according to Quick-Step.

Propex will promote Isis, the company’s innovative platform of backings made with woven PCR PET, at FloorTek Expo.

This lecture is the inaugural Berkeley Distinguished Lecture in the Social Sciences (formerly the Moses Memorial Lectures) About this lecture In this lecture, Ted Miguel will present findings from a development economics research project based on a large-scale randomized controlled trial (RCT) in Kenya that he and collaborators have been conducting since 2014. He will start by discussing the rise of experimental methods and open science tools in economics research. Ted will then focus on new results from the Kenyan RCT that investigates the impact of cash transfers on infant mortality, leveraging a unique large-scale census of local households’ birth histories. The findings provide novel evidence on the broader impacts of cash transfers on the health and wellbeing of a poor rural population, and illustrate the value of the experimental approach in development economics for public policy.About Edward Miguel Edward (Ted) Miguel is Distinguished Professor of Economics, the Oxfam Professor of Environmental and Resource Economics, & Faculty co-Director of the Center for Effective Global Action at the University of California, Berkeley. He earned S.B. degrees in both Economics and Mathematics from MIT, received a Ph.D. in Economics from Harvard University, where he was a National Science Foundation Fellow. Ted’s main research focus is African economic development, including work on the economic causes and consequences of violence; interactions between health, education, environment, and productivity for the poor; and methods for transparency in social science research. He has published over 120 articles and chapters in leading academic journals and collected volumes. Prof. Miguel was elected as a Member of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences in 2020, and awarded the Econometric Society Frisch Medal in 2024.

PBOT leaders say they’ve already addressed many of the auditor’s recommendations. They also say the scale of Portland’s traffic violence crisis is too big for just one bureau to address. by Taylor Griggs

The Portland Bureau of Transportation (PBOT) adopted its Vision Zero Action Plan in December 2016, with the goal of eliminating traffic crash deaths and injuries in the city. But in recent years, Portland has seen its highest numbers of traffic injuries and fatalities in decades. Pedestrians have faced a heightened risk of traffic violence in recent years, and parts of Portland with higher low-income populations and communities of color are also disproportionately impacted. 

The daylight between PBOT’s stated Vision Zero goals and the increase in recent traffic crash deaths prompted scrutiny from the Portland Auditor’s Office. A new report from the Auditor’s Office, released Wednesday, says PBOT “partially completed” safety projects identified in its Vision Zero plan, but notes the bureau doesn’t adequately evaluate the outcomes of the safety projects it completes. 

The Auditor’s Office recommends PBOT create a plan to evaluate its projects “to determine which get the desired outcomes and where Vision Zero efforts are most needed.” The office also asks the bureau to install promised speed cameras to help with traffic safety enforcement and recommends PBOT “revisit its equity methodology to ensure it accounts for smaller scale improvements that could have positive equity impacts.” 

“These efforts to collect data, analyze, evaluate, and carefully track which safety projects have the most desired outcomes could help move toward Vision Zero’s goal of zero fatal and serious injury traffic crashes,” the audit report states. 

The audit report highlights concerns about the Vision Zero program that many transportation and safe streets activists have raised for years—though the Auditor’s Office didn’t issue as harsh an indictment of PBOT as some critics may want. Earlier this year, when PBOT leaders presented their 2023 Vision Zero report to City Council, some Portland advocates didn’t mince words about their thoughts on the city’s implementation of the program. 

“There is no question that Portland's Vision Zero Program has been an abject failure,” Sarah Risser, a local transportation safety activist, wrote in public testimony to City Council in April. “Given its abysmal track record, it is reasonable to conclude that it will continue to be a failure.”

The Portland Auditor’s Office didn’t mark PBOT’s Vision Zero plan as a failure in its report, and PBOT leaders ultimately agreed with its recommendations, some of which the bureau says it has already implemented on its own. 

PBOT, too, acknowledges that larger structural changes are needed to save lives on the streets. Bureau leaders say they will continue working on their Vision Zero plans, but they hope the city government transition will break down silos and encourage more involvement in solving the problem of traffic violence on Portland’s streets. 

The year PBOT adopted the Vision Zero plan, 42 people died in traffic crashes on Portland’s streets. In 2019, when the bureau updated the plan to emphasize transportation system safety and focus more on actions within PBOT’s control, 48 people were the victims of traffic violence. In the last three years, more than 60 people have died in traffic crashes in Portland each year, with 69 fatalities in 2023. 

When PBOT leaders presented the 2023 Vision Zero report to City Council earlier this year, they acknowledged the rise in traffic fatalities since the program was adopted. But they said the program is successful in areas PBOT has been able to invest in, and said the bureau’s budget woes have curtailed its progress. The audit report suggests PBOT could get more out of the projects it does complete by improving its evaluation processes, which have historically been lacking. 

“Without systemic evaluation of safety outcomes, the Bureau is missing the opportunity to create more alignment between the work they do on safety projects and the overall goal of Vision Zero,” the report states. “A more systematic approach would allow trends to be identified and analyzed to better understand the outcomes of completed projects, and which may need to be altered or dropped. As traffic deaths continue to increase it is vital that the Bureau consistently evaluate completed safety projects so they can see which are working best at shifting the trend towards the intended goal of zero traffic deaths and serious injuries.” 

The second major recommendation the audit report suggests is that PBOT “do more to enforce speed limits” by following through on its promise to install more speed cameras throughout the city. Despite research showing the effectiveness of enforcement cameras as a way to reduce speeds and increase traffic safety—without involving the police—PBOT has been slow to install them. The bureau has blamed its camera vendor for the lag in speed camera implementation, but says it now has 37 cameras in operation or construction, and current contracted cameras will be online early next year. (By March 2023, PBOT had only installed nine cameras in the prior eight years.) 

The report also states despite PBOT’s attempt to prioritize and fund safety projects equitably—based on both crash data and neighborhood demographics—it may be missing “smaller safety projects with possible equitable outcomes” if they aren’t located on high-crash corridors. The Auditor’s Office recommends PBOT use more qualitative data to determine the projects it carries out. 

In response to the auditor’s recommendations, Public Works Service Area Deputy City Administrator Priya Dhanapal and PBOT Director Millicent Williams said while they “largely agree with the recommendations in the audit,” it’s a bit outdated. Last year, PBOT issued a Vision Zero Action Plan update for 2024 and 2025, which addresses many of the issues outlined in the audit report. 

“Our current Vision Zero Action Plan includes priorities directly tied to evaluation, delivery of the camera program and speed management as well as equity objectives,” Dhanapal and Williams wrote. “The audit was conducted on work and commitments outlined 3-5 years ago and work that took place during the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic.” 

Dhanapal and Williams also said PBOT needs help from other city bureaus to solve the crisis of traffic violence. 

“Eliminating traffic deaths and serious injuries in Portland is possible [and] PBOT can lead the way,” Dhanapal and Williams wrote in a letter responding to the auditor’s report. “However, Portland will not reach Vision Zero with street design alone…. A societal commitment to meet basic human needs and implement strategies to change current conditions are necessary to reach many of our shared goals, including Vision Zero. These changes require leadership, investment, and commitment from partners beyond PBOT.”

PBOT leaders say they hope that collaboration and commitment will be easier due to the upcoming changes in Portland’s government. 

“Eliminating traffic deaths and serious injuries is a City commitment and goal, but as a City we have focused the discussion on what PBOT does to change streets,” Dhanapal and Williams wrote. “We believe the City transition provides an opportunity to reengage City bureaus in Portland’s Vision Zero commitment and integrate the Safe System approach to traffic safety as a comprehensive prevention strategy to save lives.” 

Everybody wants a good knife.
Here’s where to find the best in the land. by Andrea Damewood

For your favorite home chef or local line cook, a new knife is a thing of glory—and it’s even better when someone else pays for it. 

We’re here to assure you that—for the right person—the idea of giving someone 12 inches of highly sharpened carbon steel in a wrapped box isn’t a threat. It’s one of the best Christmas presents ever.

“I think a knife is a great gift,” Eytan Zias, who owns Portland Knife House on Southeast Belmont and is a co-founder of Portland’s Steelport Knife Company, which handcrafts its work in Northeast. “There are not many things you can gift to somebody that we all use every day. I don’t know anybody that goes a day without a kitchen knife. Even if someone is a knife collector, they always want another knife.”

But choosing the right knife for the right chef is a bit of an alchemy, which Zias says people often liken to how Harry Potter picks his wand. “I consider it a compliment,” he says, laughing. “We’ll filter 700 knives down to seven, and those are the ones you’ll put your hands on.”

With so many options out there, we asked the experts for their advice, honed over many years in the industry, on how to pick the best knife for yourself or a lucky recipient.

“Most people have Henckels, or worse, Ikea or Pampered Chef knives,” Zias says. “They’ve spent a lot of money, but they’re not actually good knives.” 

He believes you can find an inexpensive knife that outperforms those big names.

The key? Focus on function over flash, at least to start. Here’s what Zias says he asks shoppers to consider:

What kind of blade: Prioritize carbon steel for performance. It sharpens easily and holds an edge longer. If low-maintenance is a must, stainless steel is a good fallback. Zias says if the first question someone asks him is if they can put their knife in the dishwasher (the answer is NO), he quietly guides them to stainless steel.

Are you a righty or lefty?: Fun fact: there are knives that famous southpaw Ned Flanders could sell in his lefty shop. So try and peep which hand your beloved uses to chop. But if you don’t know, there are ambidextrous knives, Zias says.

Balance: The two dominant styles are Japanese and Western style. These days, Japanese knives are more popular, Zias says, but it really comes down to preference. “Two people will pick up the same knife and have completely different reactions,” Zias notes. The right balance reduces fatigue and feels like an extension of your hand.

Construction: Look for forged blades and full tang construction (the steel extends through the handle). These features increase durability and longevity.

For some people, there is no such thing as too many knives. But in case you’re not trying to go for the whole “guy who fills his house with lizards and blades” vibe, there are three basics to start any aspiring home cook off with, Zias says. 

First is an 8-inch chef knife, which he describes as the workhorse for 99 percent of tasks, from mincing herbs to slicing vegetables. Next is a paring knife, for intricate work like coring and peeling.

Finally, there’s a bread knife, which Zias says should only be used on bread, never tomatoes. Zias says the one Steelport makes is his personal fave. Ron Khormaei, the CEO and founder of Steelport Knife Co, unsurprisingly, says the same.

“Everybody else makes a serrated knife that’s terrible,” Khormaei says. “Our bread knife is the best bread knife in the world. You can’t describe it, you have to experience it.”

Khormaei says he even had a chance to put his engineering degree to work as they designed the serrated edge, landing on a 7 mm sine wave to optimize how it cuts through first crust, then a soft interior. (Brisket obsessives like to use bread knives for the same reason.)

This writer fell in love with the Steelport bread knife at the showroom recently. I hunkered down with a friend and sliced as many pieces of baguette as I could before it got weird. Steelport’s knives are expensive—the bread knife is $450—but it’s hand forged in Portland, given a gorgeous handle made from the burl of Oregon bigleaf maple and a tang that goes all the way through the handle. It has a coffee patina made with Coava beans. You can also get it sharpened for free, forever. It is truly the fancy-assest of presents.

“A knife is an amazing gift if it’s given to someone who truly shows caring about food,” Khormaei says. “It’s for people who don’t cook because they’re hungry, but because they show love to friends and family. You’re saying you value their passion and value their interest.”

Sidebar of Knives (MUAHAHAHAH)

There are a lot of damn knives out there. In order to avoid decision paralysis, here are a few options that Eytan Zias, owner of Portland Knife House and cofounder of Steelport Knife Company, recommends for holiday shoppers.

BEST BUDGET KNIFE

Tojiro Basic 8” chef knife

Price: $47

Blade: VG10 stainless steel. Made in Niigata, Japan. 

What makes it great: “I cannot think of a better value in the kitchen knife world. It’s very rare to find a Japanese-made professional quality knife under $50.”

THE KNIFE THE KNIFE
GUY WOULD GIFT

Sakai Takayuki 33 Layer Hammered-
Damascus 7” santoku

Price: $150

Blade: VG10 stainless steel. Made in Seki, Japan. 

What makes it great: “A little flashy looking for some, but it looks unique, performs well, and is user friendly. It’s a favorite for both professional and home cooks alike.”

FOR THOSE WHO
HAVE EVERYTHING

STEELPORT Knife Co 10” serrated bread knife 

Price: $450

Blade: Drop-forged 52100 carbon steel with a bigleaf maple burl handle. Made in Portland.

What makes it great: “It’s rare to find a bread knife with this steel quality and level of detail, and is a favorite among serious bread bakers and BBQ guys. (It also got a shout out from The New York Times food section.) It’s also Portland-made, using all US-sourced materials.”

BEST SPLURGE

Nigara Hamono 9.5” Ginsan Damascus ebony handle chef knife

Price: $525

Blade: Ginsan Damascus. Made in Hirosaki, Japan. 

What makes it great: “It’s my favorite example of a Japanese forged handmade knife that we have in the shop.”

Follow us down memory lane for the best and worst trash of 2024! by Elinor Jones

Happy Holidays, Trash Pandas! ‘Tis I, Elinor Jones, AKA the Ghost of Trash Past, here to guide you through 2024—a year that I could best describe as “a year that happened.”

January 8 

I hate to break it to us, but despite anyone’s resolutions, this is probably not going to be a year when anybody becomes better. You know how in professional sports, when a bunch of the big names have retired or left and then it’s just rookies and no-names, they call it a “Rebuilding Year”? 2024 will be the opposite of that for us. A destroying year. All of us are going to get worse, it’s just a matter of how quickly, and how much. 

February 12

I am all about the monoculture and I love to love things, but I am so tired of football and Taylor Swift! No more brain space; I simply cannot. I mean look: Am I glad she made it to the game in time after her Tokyo shows? Yes. Do I think this was a challenge or hardship for her when she has her own airplane and team of professionals to ensure it happens comfortably and efficiently? No. Am I impressed that her lipstick always looks so damn good? Yes. Did I like her pants? No, I hated them. Do I think it’s hilarious that Republicans hate Taylor Swift so much that they’d rather root for the team out of San Francisco than the corn-fed midwestern one? Yes, a thousand times yes, this is incredible, put it in my veins. Will I listen to her new album? OBVIOUSLY. But that’s it! No more thoughts!!

April 1 

The world has gone country, and by that I mean we have all been listening to Beyoncé’s latest album Cowboy Carter all weekend. I’m a fan! Several years ago I found a pair of those magical thrift store cowboy boots that somehow both fit perfectly and are extremely cool, and I always knew there was a reason to hang on to them. I’m excited to plan an outfit to wear to her next concert that probably won’t come anywhere near Portland anyway. A girl can dream. That’s country. 

April 15 

[Regarding a possible Monopoly movie.] “What’s next, Checkers? Jenga? You wanna make a Jenga movie? What, fuckin’ CONNECT FOUR?” And I will stop you right there, because that one works. Four is the correct number for a collection of people. It’s the best table in a restaurant—no pulling up an extra chair for some poor schmuck to sit at one end. Four is the maximum number of heads that will fit into a photobooth picture. Four is how many adults fit comfortably in a car. So let’s talk about this Connect Four movie: I am seeing three friends realize that something is missing and they desperately seek a fourth, but they keep being blocked by outside forces, until finally, one day, through either meticulous planning or pure dumb luck, the pieces line up just so, and they find their fourth friend, thus creating a powerful block which shall emerge victorious! “But Elinor,” you say. “Is this not the plot of the 1990s supernatural teen thriller THE CRAFT?” To which I say: “DING FUCKING DING.” A Connect Four movie already exists, it stars Fairuza Balk and Neve Campbell, and it’s perfect!

May 13 

First Lady Jill Biden stopped in Portland last week to attend a quick fundraiser in Lake Oswego. Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler was there, and later told the press “it’s nice to see the First Lady supporting our city and taking an interest in what we do here.” Buddy! She wasn’t even in our city! Was there nowhere decent in Portland proper for her to glad-hand wealthy Democrats? You know, I almost think she was trying to keep away from the riffraff by going to Lake Oswego, and that is especially not “what we do here.” In Portland, riffraff is the name of the game!

May 20 

Rudy Giuliani somehow (and for days) evaded Arizona officials trying to serve him an indictment for his (alleged) 2020 election crimes. I could use a lot of words to describe Rudy Giuliani, but “indiscreet” and “stealthy” are definitely not among them. I feel like one could locate Rudy Giuliani using whatever magic makes a cartoon mouse float towards cheese, but the wafting odor is a mix of cigars, cologne, and farts. Alas, the man was found, and at his own 80th birthday party. Giuliani even shared an absolutely psychotic Amazon wish list of the stuff he wanted, which included “stain blocking ceiling paint.” That Giuliani worries about his ceiling getting dirty really captures the explosive gooeyness of this chapter in his life.

June 10

Sabrina Carpenter released a fun and steamy video for her new single “Please Please Please” which features boyfriend Barry Keoghan. These two are giving the sultry slutty young relaysh vibes they were trying to sell us with Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney last year. I could never fully get behind those two because they look like they were generated by an AI prompt of “hot white heteros.” Barry and Sabrina are hot too, but also interesting, sexy, a little dangerous, and maybe kinda mean? Like Glen and Sydney would break your heart by ghosting you, but they’d never tell anyone else your secrets, whereas Barry and Sabrina would get a tattoo of your name and then try to run over you with their car.

June 17 

The AtmosFEAR ride at Oak’s Park got stuck upside down last week, leaving some 30 people stuck upside down for 25 minutes. Roller coaster-avoiders like me will get YEARS of excuses out of this. It’s not that we’re scared; it’s that we’re smart. (We’re also very scared.)

July 8 

Gwyneth Paltrow held a party at her home in the Hamptons and somebody got diarrhea. I’m sorry, not just diarrhea—"catastrophic” diarrhea, which is a pretty horrifying combination of words! The diarrhea was allegedly caused by Ozempic, which all the stars are taking, so think about this the next time you see a star-studded red carpet: know that the bathrooms at that event are a grade-A paint show, and you’re lucky you’re not there.

July 15

Iconic sex therapist Dr. Ruth passed away last week at the age of 96. There was not a major event she couldn’t make into a reason to get laid, and it’s really a shame she died before this attempted assassination of Donald Trump; she would have made it so horny. 

August 5

I am loving the Olympics! God, the amount of pride I feel for the US Olympics Team is overwhelming; borderline ew, like am I becoming a flag girlie? Seeing tacky bedazzled Republicans at the RNC a couple weeks ago made me want to hurl, but throw some gemstones on a leotard and I am in line. I’ve been especially tickled by the vibes of the shooting competitors despite hating guns with every fiber of my being. The gun lobby might be appealing to the wrong instincts in trying to garner support. I mean, has the NRA ever considered simply serving cunt? 

August 26

Republican Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance is trying to prove he’s not weird and failing spectacularly. He recently stopped by a donut shop where the workers didn’t want to be on camera and ordered “whatever makes sense,” for which he has been mercilessly mocked. And look, I get it: When JD Vance orders “whatever makes sense” it sounds like a robot prepping for his first day of human school. That said, I do think this makes sense! I like the idea of ordering “~items~.” Put “whatever makes sense” on the late-night menu at a bar and I guarantee you it will go gangbusters. Sometimes you’ll get a vat of french fries and a pitcher of beer. Other times you’ll get a Sprite and two ibuprofen. Credit where credit is due—this couch-fucker might be on to something! 

September 16

Actor James Earl Jones passed away last week at the age of 93. He was the last good Jones. Now it’s just me. And my Mufasa voice is shit.

October 14

The widow of Bobby Kennedy and mother of presidential candidate RFK Jr., Ethel Kennedy, passed away last week at the age of 96. I think if the son of a deceased person repeatedly requests that the casket not be locked and sealed, you gotta wonder what he’s got planned for that corpse.

What wonders will these final days of 2024 have in store for us? I have absolutely no idea, but you can guarantee that I’ll be around to make a silly joke about it (hopefully!) I hope your -ber months are safe, warm, and cute.

Santa-ly,

Republicans made their picks for party leaders in the U.S. Senate and House, as President-elect Trump announced new nominees, including Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz for attorney general.

NPR's Steve Inskeep talks with Republican strategist Scott Jennings about Republican leadership in in the U.S. Senate and House.

NPR's Michel Martin speaks with Penn State labor and employment relations professor Paul Clark about blue-collar voters and their decision to back President-elect Trump in this election.

NPR's Steve Inskeep asks the Brookings Institution's Jon Valant about President-elect Trump's campaign promise to close the Department of Education.

Elon Musk’s SpaceX is preparing for the sixth test flight of Starship, the world's most powerful rocket. It aims to conduct the launch as early as 18 November. Here’s everything we know so far

A Democratic member of the U.S. Congress is doubling down as he faces calls to resign after expressing concern about trans-identified male athletes competing in female sports. 

A shark fisherman and professional roofer has been arrested after being accused of stealing over $194,000 from a church in Kentucky.

The Ukrainian military received US-made shells for Soviet 2S7 Pion self-propelled guns. Kyiv had used up its stocks of Soviet shells for Pion cannons in 2022, and the system had not been used much since then. 203-millimeter 100-kilo shells are suitable for use with Pion guns. It is believed that Ukraine received the required shells from the US. During World War II, the United States produced the 203-millimeter M115 howitzer before the M110 system was developed in the 1950s. It was actively used during the Vietnam War. The system was decommissioned from the US Army during the 1990s. This fact suggests that there were 203-millimeter shells left in the arsenals, and the United States could thus help Ukraine with the supply of ammunition.

Codeless Platforms has revealed that Meridian Farm Market, a Canadian-based retailer of meat and farm produce, has automated its sales orders and data transfers between SYSPRO, Shopify and its POS system using BPA Platform.

Research findings from Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center and the Miller School of Medicine at the University of Miami will be presented at the Annual Meeting & Exposition of the American Society of Hematology in San Diego, Dec. 7-10.

The American Association of Nurse Anesthesiology (AANA) calls on Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) Undersecretary for Health, Shereef Elnahal, to correct his inaccurate statement made under oath about Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist (CRNA) practice during a House Committee on Veterans' Affairs hearing.