Worried? Try putting your head deep into this garbage gossip can for a few minutes. by Elinor Jones

Hello, and welcome back to the Trash Report! Like many people with mental illness, my home is a reflection of what is happening with the ol' brain—when depression is in the driver's seat, my house gets messy; when anxiety is calling the shots, the palace is pristine. And friends, being ONE DAY away from yet ANOTHER "most crucial presidential election of our time," I am literally out of things to organize! There is no more dust. I'm ironing? Your girl is not okay. I love this column for an excuse to look at something besides another very frightening poll, so let's get to the trash!

Make it Stop

As this election plummets to its final resting place, Kamala Harris has collected endorsements from such luminaries as Cardi B, Bad Bunny, Eminem, Jennifer Lopez, Harrison Ford, and most of the Avengers.

I do believe that, despite this, she will win https://t.co/cOU7ZeWAKa

— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) November 3, 2024

The most recent celebrity to come out for Trump was none other than the the famously antisemitic Mel Gibson, who shared his support only after Trump's Nazi rally at Madison Square Garden, which goes to prove just how much of a Nazi rally that definitely was.  

Feud Reports

On a recent episode of his podcast, Ted Danson apologized to Kelsey Grammer for carrying a grudge since they worked together on Cheers. Grammer graciously accepted the apology. But I am not graciously receiving this "gossip." What happened?! What was the argument about? Why do this on a podcast without giving us the tea? This is the same kind of bullshit "this is not who we are" 2016-era dignity that no longer is the vibe. We're petty now! Tell us who was mean! Danson went on to say "I feel like I missed out on the last 30 years of Kelsey Grammer." What celebrity planet was Ted Danson living on because I feel like the rest of us have seen far too much Kelsey Grammer in the past 30 years. Streaming services were basically invented to avoid reruns of Frasier. 

In much more interesting feuds, Martha Stewart alluded to one between her and fellow kitchen and lifestyle guru Ina Garten. Garten had claimed in her recent memoir that the women drifted apart after one of them moved to Connecticut. Stewart agrees that the rift had to do with a move, but it was Stewart moving into a federal prison. I would imagine it could feel complicated to be a public figure being friends with a felon, but I can guarantee that if one of my friends went to jail for a non-violent crime I wouldn't stop talking to them! I'd probably talk way too much to them, in fact. I just have so many questions. If Martha Stewart and I had been friends who fell out and she later reflected on it, she would be like "Elinor was there for me when I was in jail, but she was too there for me, and wouldn't leave me alone, and I was sick of talking about prison toilet wine, so that's when our feud started."

Targeted Anecdotes

The long-awaited sequel to The Gladiator is coming out soon and I could not have less interest in going to see it! That is, until Pedro Pascal revealed that he and Paul Mescal kissed in one take of a fight scene, and that might be the take they used in the movie, and I guess I'm going to go see Gladiator 2 now. Have the Wicked PR folks considered floating a rumor that Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande kiss instead of hawking a green and pink version of every product on God's green earth? (And is there a pink earth? There probably will be soon!) 

At this point is there a category of merchandise that doesn’t have a Wicked tie-in? I’m half expecting my gynecologist to ask whether I want a pink or green speculum.

— Anika Chapin (@AnikaChapin) October 31, 2024

Love is Dead

Channing Tatum and Zoe Kravitz have allegedly called off their engagement after three years together, and just days after Tatum finally ended his years-long divorce saga with ex Jenna Dewan. This makes me think that Zoe Kravitz for sure never thought that Tatum's divorce would ever be finalized when she said yes to that ring. Tatum has been spotted around New York City smoking cigarettes, but holding them in a way that makes me think he hasn't smoked before; starting smoking at 44 is hilarious, but also very hot and chic!

In other rebound choices, Gisele Bunchen revealed that she is pregnant with her third child, which will be her first since getting divorced from Tom Brady, and the first with her boyfriend, who is also her longtime Jiu-Jitsu instructor. Tom Brady is reacting to it like any normal 30-year-old woman and posting Fleetwood Mac lyrics to his Instagram which is the most I've ever liked him. 

On Loss in the Modern Era

Helen Mirren recently waxed poetically about tragic losses of beloved icons, specifically Kurt Cobain, and specifically that Kurt Cobain's early demise in the 90s meant that he never got to experience the magic that is a GPS system. Iconic music producer Quincy Jones passed away just yesterday. He would have seen GPS. Does Helen Mirren not think this is as sad of a loss, because at least he died with the immense satisfaction of having watched a little dot that represented his car being driven towards a destination, thus making it a full and worthwhile life? Helen Mirren has yet to comment. 

Trash Pandas In the News

A Sam's Club in Maryland had to shut down last week due to a racoon breaking into their bakery. A statement from the store read "after attempts to locate the raccoon were unsuccessful, Sam's Club representatives were advised best practices to properly capture the animal." Which means that during the initial attempts to capture the animal, they had no idea what the best practices were, and it must have been so funny. Imagine that raccoon's surprise to learn that there is a way to eat croissants, pre-trash? Going back to garbage pastries after that has got to be a bummer. Anyway, as the kids say, "in da clerb we all fam," but the clerb is a Sam's Club. Sam's Clerb, as it were.

Okay, I just realized there's a bookshelf in my office that I haven't yet reorganized and if I don't do that right now it will make it so college-educated women in Michigan won't turn out in numbers, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it. I hope you get through the next few days okay. If you process stress by being around people, the Mercury is going to hold an election night party hosted by the more extroverted of us. Meanwhile, we indoor kids will be live-blogging as the night goes on, so check back here if that's something you can handle. Thank you for reading and for voting and for being cherished members of the dumpster pile. 

Nervously,

There were a number of star breakups in 2019.